madscience_7

My life has gone, in one swift kick, to hell.

Last night I found out that a friend of mine from high school hung himself yesterday. My sister was with his sister so I was one of the first to find out and the first person I called was a good friend of mine who was practically in love with him. She absolutely broke down when I told her and my biggest failing in life is that I do not know how to comfort people. I would give anything to be able to help people but all I could do was stand there and listen to her sob.

Afterwards I thought, why did I do that? It would have been better for her to hear it from anyone but me. All I did was make it worse. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world. Why cant I help people? I can do all this crazy engineering bullshit but the one ability I want most, I cant do. I feel like a failure as a human.

Why did he have to go? Why are the greatest people taken from us when miserable failures like me are allowed to cheat death so many times? If the reaper has a quota or something, take me, no one will care. Instead, he takes the greatest among us. For no reason. He was the most stable and relaxed person I ever met. 2 days ago he made plans for this weekend. What could possibly cause this?

So many whys.

And I have no answers.