livingend

People often wonder at why I have few people who would be considered friends. If I could take an all encompassing snapshot of this particular moment in time I would carry it with me to answer these questions without sounding (I hope) more pathetic than most who wonder about these things imagine my life to be. But truthfully, I have no control over how others interpret my words. The caption of this snapshot would read "Friends will always abandon you", not in a more formal way like pushing you out of a moving car but in a more subtle way like never initiating contact and only begrudgingly participating in activities when solicited. Over time this will inevitably morph into an eroding percentage of participation explained by I'm tired, and I'm busy, etc. In all honesty I have to ask myself if I haven't been the catalyst for this separation. I suppose if I am then having, in retrospect, no reason to regret any intentional or egregious wrong doing it is just a natural drifting away from my personality. This is fine, some people grow tired of the guy who makes you laugh, some find intimate companions and find that they don't need near as many people with whom to spend time. Ok, and maybe I am a fool to think that I could be friend with a woman 12 years may elder. Regardless I submit that this is why I am so guarded, some times I can't help myself but let people in this far and no further.