Friday the Fucking thirteenth.
So I just got a call from my mom in NH telling me that my dad is in the hospital and that they are giving him DAYS to live. Apparently, he called my mom a couple of hours ago and told her to come home because he was dying. Mom left work, floored it home, and took him to the hospital. They have in the Oncology clinic right now. His Blood pressure is 65/115 or something like that. And that is not a typo. Apparently his body is shutting down and he can't fight the cancer anymore. I am in fucking OHIO and was just there two weekends ago. Dad was tired, but otherwise in good spirits.
Mom and Dad talked about whether or not he wanted life support or to be resuscitated. He does not want that, unless it gives my sister and I a chance to get there.
I am completely shell shocked right now. I don't know what to think, what I am supposed to think. How to feel. My dad and I didn't get along that well when I was a teenager (who does right?) but we have gotten so close since my 18th birthday. He was diagnosed with metastatic small cell lung cancer (extensive) on my 26th birthday, which was less than 6 months ago. They told us - just last week! - that the chemo was working and that he could have a good year left. WTF! So I was totally not expecting this call.
I work in a hospital and nursing home, so I am used to people passing away. In fact, one of my patients died just last night. So being around terminally ill people doesn't bother me. Maybe that's why I can't cry. Sure, I welled up, but for whatever reason I can't even shed a damn tear at the idea of losing my daddy. I wanted to give him his first grandchild, I wanted him to walk me down the isle. I want to prove to him that I can cook a damn turkey correctly.
Fuck!! I just want to scream. I'm so conflicted right now, and for most this would be so obvious.
***phone call***
Mom says come now. The eternal optimist oncologist. says it wont be long.
Now i"m crying.
I need to fly up now. Fuck fuck fuck.
I have to call my sister. I need to buy a plane ticket.
I'll have more later.
So I just got a call from my mom in NH telling me that my dad is in the hospital and that they are giving him DAYS to live. Apparently, he called my mom a couple of hours ago and told her to come home because he was dying. Mom left work, floored it home, and took him to the hospital. They have in the Oncology clinic right now. His Blood pressure is 65/115 or something like that. And that is not a typo. Apparently his body is shutting down and he can't fight the cancer anymore. I am in fucking OHIO and was just there two weekends ago. Dad was tired, but otherwise in good spirits.
Mom and Dad talked about whether or not he wanted life support or to be resuscitated. He does not want that, unless it gives my sister and I a chance to get there.
I am completely shell shocked right now. I don't know what to think, what I am supposed to think. How to feel. My dad and I didn't get along that well when I was a teenager (who does right?) but we have gotten so close since my 18th birthday. He was diagnosed with metastatic small cell lung cancer (extensive) on my 26th birthday, which was less than 6 months ago. They told us - just last week! - that the chemo was working and that he could have a good year left. WTF! So I was totally not expecting this call.
I work in a hospital and nursing home, so I am used to people passing away. In fact, one of my patients died just last night. So being around terminally ill people doesn't bother me. Maybe that's why I can't cry. Sure, I welled up, but for whatever reason I can't even shed a damn tear at the idea of losing my daddy. I wanted to give him his first grandchild, I wanted him to walk me down the isle. I want to prove to him that I can cook a damn turkey correctly.
Fuck!! I just want to scream. I'm so conflicted right now, and for most this would be so obvious.
***phone call***
Mom says come now. The eternal optimist oncologist. says it wont be long.
Now i"m crying.
I need to fly up now. Fuck fuck fuck.
I have to call my sister. I need to buy a plane ticket.
I'll have more later.
MAR 13, 2009 11:08 PM
Hope things are lookin better for ya.
MAR 19, 2009 04:31 PM
MAR 21, 2009 01:27 AM
thanks for commenting on my set lady. hope your dad is doing ok. get in touch with me when you're ready to reschedule!
Soapy Kisses
xoxo
Sunshine
