So i made like a 22 year old and stayed up all night on saturday, held the pen as it spat forth...ended up with this, don't know if i'm gonna record it or not...my fingertips are still numb from the nylon strings... been insane. maybe i'll give this to her. she probably still wouldn't stay away. now that i got all this out, maybe i'll stop thinking about it so much. then again, there's not much else really going on right now, just waiting for the right time...the plan is in motion.
Fire vs. Fountain
5.22.05
I.
Burned myself again
on a dying flame that reached out for water.
There is no pain
This wound will only make me stronger
Gazed into the fire and only saw the warmth
promising to comfort me if I could stop the burn
If it will make life better, I will put you out-
fountain spilled forth with the benefit of my doubt-
love is warm enough for this gift, I will give you that
Hope you can prove me wrong, but I expect you can't
II.
Of course, I knew better all along-
just look at all these scars on my arm
all these reminders of lessons I've learned
The wounds I bear like medals I've earned
The pain I fear is not yrs to me
The kind I cause cuts twice as deep
But the nature of fire is that of a liar
Purely greed and desire
Only to consume and move on,
Stick around until the fuel is gone,
to use and move on, deplete and move on
Anything it can find, to keep itself alive
To eat, and eat and eat
Et mange! Et mange! Et mange! Fire is never full!/ Every man's yr fool!/ You can't change yr nature/ Just another failure/ Its never enough.
III.
Despite all that you've put me through
my heart holds no hate for you
I'm hoping yr not just another broken person
given up - not even trying to help yrself,
just looking for a handout from someone else
Cause I see the beauty of what you possess
that you've buried so deep down in yr mess
and yr confusing the pleasures of yr flesh
with something meaningful -
could have been beautiful but the truth made it foul
yr intentions lost their mystery
made it so clear to me:
if it wasn't so dirty, it would be empty
IV.
I know the truth about the words you say to flatter -
built me up so I could serve you better
And I bet you tell every boy you meet
the same sweet things you said to me
just to get what you've mistaken for love.
Once I was disgusted at the way you keep on lying
Cheating and stealing, and then you look me in the eye
And deny it - I bet you think I'll buy it, fool me with yr eyes, go ahead and try it.
I can read you like a book, not much there at all
If you think yr fooling me, then I fooled you after all
now that I have figured out exactly what you do
To get what you want I've become immune
I am a fountain to quench those on their journey out
Of their own hell but yr just burning down
And sinking deeper and deeper into yr self pity
seems you really believe that its everybody's fault but yr own.
and I don't believe that ever happened
I will not enable yr addiction to attention
Made me second guess my intuition-
Yr scandalous manipulation
And if you were any shadier, I feel
Light itself would make you disappear
Leave me to breathe you have been warned.
Leave me to sleep, I am alone.
Fire vs. Fountain
5.22.05
I.
Burned myself again
on a dying flame that reached out for water.
There is no pain
This wound will only make me stronger
Gazed into the fire and only saw the warmth
promising to comfort me if I could stop the burn
If it will make life better, I will put you out-
fountain spilled forth with the benefit of my doubt-
love is warm enough for this gift, I will give you that
Hope you can prove me wrong, but I expect you can't
II.
Of course, I knew better all along-
just look at all these scars on my arm
all these reminders of lessons I've learned
The wounds I bear like medals I've earned
The pain I fear is not yrs to me
The kind I cause cuts twice as deep
But the nature of fire is that of a liar
Purely greed and desire
Only to consume and move on,
Stick around until the fuel is gone,
to use and move on, deplete and move on
Anything it can find, to keep itself alive
To eat, and eat and eat
Et mange! Et mange! Et mange! Fire is never full!/ Every man's yr fool!/ You can't change yr nature/ Just another failure/ Its never enough.
III.
Despite all that you've put me through
my heart holds no hate for you
I'm hoping yr not just another broken person
given up - not even trying to help yrself,
just looking for a handout from someone else
Cause I see the beauty of what you possess
that you've buried so deep down in yr mess
and yr confusing the pleasures of yr flesh
with something meaningful -
could have been beautiful but the truth made it foul
yr intentions lost their mystery
made it so clear to me:
if it wasn't so dirty, it would be empty
IV.
I know the truth about the words you say to flatter -
built me up so I could serve you better
And I bet you tell every boy you meet
the same sweet things you said to me
just to get what you've mistaken for love.
Once I was disgusted at the way you keep on lying
Cheating and stealing, and then you look me in the eye
And deny it - I bet you think I'll buy it, fool me with yr eyes, go ahead and try it.
I can read you like a book, not much there at all
If you think yr fooling me, then I fooled you after all
now that I have figured out exactly what you do
To get what you want I've become immune
I am a fountain to quench those on their journey out
Of their own hell but yr just burning down
And sinking deeper and deeper into yr self pity
seems you really believe that its everybody's fault but yr own.
and I don't believe that ever happened
I will not enable yr addiction to attention
Made me second guess my intuition-
Yr scandalous manipulation
And if you were any shadier, I feel
Light itself would make you disappear
Leave me to breathe you have been warned.
Leave me to sleep, I am alone.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
kloiterra:
week-end? what is this week-end you speak of? are you referring to days #5 and #6? those days i work shifts #4 through 9. When the plan is a little farther along, i'll actually be able to do things on weekends without having to clear it with 5 people, and going through all the bullshit that goes along with that.
devil_bitch:
I work Friday, Saturday, and Monday. Off Sunday. Going to do the cemetary thing with my mother. I hate going to the cemetary. They freak me out.