Last Thursday, I got a call from my sister.
At my Dad's last medical check-up, they found a tangerine/small-orange sized mass in his left lung.
We were hoping that it was merely a formation leftover from his last bout with pneumonia last winter.
I talked to my Dad just a few hours ago.....the tumor is cancerous. It's stage 2 Lung Cancer. And he has opted for Radiation and Chemotherapy.
Dad's being very upbeat and hopeful about this....I'm not really sure how to take it. I've been hopeful myself up to now. But all this ts really bothering me.
I don't know if I ever talked about the tormented, stormy, and convoluted relationship I have with my father.
He was...well, still is an alcoholic (even when they join AA and sober up and swear off the stuff, they never really stop being addicted to it), and he did alot of shit to me as a kid that it took me a very, very long time to forgive him for.
The best example I can give is the scar I have on my forehead. I think I've talked about this here before. I don't know if you can see it in my pics....maybe if you d/l them and zoom in you can. But, to make a long story short, he threw a baby bottle at my head when I was ten. He was real sorry afterward when he saw the blood start pouring out of my head. Anyway, enough of that. I'm trying to let that shit go and move on...to stop dwelling on the past.
Anyway, my Dad's a different man now. People change over the years....both he and I. After a period of about ten years of not even speaking to him on the phone, a few years ago, he and I started the healing process and began to reconnect.
And now this happens and I may lose him!
I know alot of you would'nt understand me forgiving him....but he's my Dad. He's the only Dad I'll ever get. And there are a Hell-of-alot worse fathers out there! Believe me, I know there are. My mother works for social services with the people who deal with child abusers. You would'nt believe the shit that goes on out there!
The worse part was, that when I started to reconnect with Dad a few years ago, my brother actually started the process of distancing himself from Dad like I did before. He even went so far as to change his phone number and purposely not give it to Dad or my sisters!
But this whole situation has basically forced my brother into reoconnecting. I feel kinda bad for him. I had years to deal with my emotions and get past my fears...he's only had a few days!
We're both planning a trip soon up to Illinois to see him....I'm just praying to God it's not for the last time and that my Dad gets over this and many, many more years left to him.
And to be the Cherry-on-Top of the Bad-News-Parfait I've had recently, I found out today that my Sensei may have to close down the Kenpo Karate classes he's been teaching, and move out of town. I could always start taking Brazilian Jui-Juitsu, but I really wanted to stick with Kenpo. There are very few things in my life that I've started AND finished....and this was one of those things that I wanted to commit to.
IT'S RAINING SHIT RIGHT NOW, AND i DON'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING UMBRELLA!! 
I think I'll get piss-fucking-drunk-off-my-aas and smoke a couple of cigars.
At my Dad's last medical check-up, they found a tangerine/small-orange sized mass in his left lung.
We were hoping that it was merely a formation leftover from his last bout with pneumonia last winter.
I talked to my Dad just a few hours ago.....the tumor is cancerous. It's stage 2 Lung Cancer. And he has opted for Radiation and Chemotherapy.
Dad's being very upbeat and hopeful about this....I'm not really sure how to take it. I've been hopeful myself up to now. But all this ts really bothering me.
I don't know if I ever talked about the tormented, stormy, and convoluted relationship I have with my father.
He was...well, still is an alcoholic (even when they join AA and sober up and swear off the stuff, they never really stop being addicted to it), and he did alot of shit to me as a kid that it took me a very, very long time to forgive him for.
The best example I can give is the scar I have on my forehead. I think I've talked about this here before. I don't know if you can see it in my pics....maybe if you d/l them and zoom in you can. But, to make a long story short, he threw a baby bottle at my head when I was ten. He was real sorry afterward when he saw the blood start pouring out of my head. Anyway, enough of that. I'm trying to let that shit go and move on...to stop dwelling on the past.
Anyway, my Dad's a different man now. People change over the years....both he and I. After a period of about ten years of not even speaking to him on the phone, a few years ago, he and I started the healing process and began to reconnect.
And now this happens and I may lose him!
I know alot of you would'nt understand me forgiving him....but he's my Dad. He's the only Dad I'll ever get. And there are a Hell-of-alot worse fathers out there! Believe me, I know there are. My mother works for social services with the people who deal with child abusers. You would'nt believe the shit that goes on out there!
The worse part was, that when I started to reconnect with Dad a few years ago, my brother actually started the process of distancing himself from Dad like I did before. He even went so far as to change his phone number and purposely not give it to Dad or my sisters!
But this whole situation has basically forced my brother into reoconnecting. I feel kinda bad for him. I had years to deal with my emotions and get past my fears...he's only had a few days!
We're both planning a trip soon up to Illinois to see him....I'm just praying to God it's not for the last time and that my Dad gets over this and many, many more years left to him.
And to be the Cherry-on-Top of the Bad-News-Parfait I've had recently, I found out today that my Sensei may have to close down the Kenpo Karate classes he's been teaching, and move out of town. I could always start taking Brazilian Jui-Juitsu, but I really wanted to stick with Kenpo. There are very few things in my life that I've started AND finished....and this was one of those things that I wanted to commit to.
IT'S RAINING SHIT RIGHT NOW, AND i DON'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING UMBRELLA!!
I think I'll get piss-fucking-drunk-off-my-aas and smoke a couple of cigars.
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I didn't want to cancel my card but it has a visa debt on it, so I was worried about that. And I could go back to the shop until the monday as they were closed on the sunday. It was such a stuff around with it all. Still waiting on my new card, but at least I could get my normal account linked to my other card so I can still access my money.