Ok, so when life hands you lemons you make lemonaid right? But sometimes you dont want lemonaid, sometimes you want the real lemon. Thats kind of how I feel now. Why cant life play fay just once. If your all wondering what the fuck Im talking about, almost 5 years ago something really really bad happened in my life. And it changed everything I believe in. It shook the vary foundations of my life and killed me. And out of the rubble a new person dug himself out of the wreckage and walked away, never to return. And I was ok with that. And since then Ive been holding onto so much anger that it became a part of me. And now 5 years have pasted. So where do I go now. Do I let go of the pain and anger? Ive used it to get where I am today. Will I still be the same if it goes away? Will I return to the old me? NO I WILL NOT. That person was innocent and youthful, he will never return.

But heres the problem, Im at the point now where I can reach my dream. But.......................... (theres always got to be a "but"). If it doesnt work, I would have wasted the past 3 years. And Im not sure if I can handle that. Ive worked so hard and I dont want to get the last door slamed in my face. If that happens everything will be a waste. My time in college, my time in the army, and 7 years of my youth I will never get back. So here I sit at the the last door, waiting to see if I have the nerve to open it.

Ok, so when life hands you lemons you make lemonaid right? But sometimes you dont want lemonaid, sometimes you want the real lemon. Thats kind of how I feel now. Why cant life play fay just once. If your all wondering what the fuck Im talking about, almost 5 years ago something really really bad happened in my life. And it changed everything I believe in. It shook the vary foundations of my life and killed me. And out of the rubble a new person dug himself out of the wreckage and walked away, never to return. And I was ok with that. And since then Ive been holding onto so much anger that it became a part of me. And now 5 years have pasted. So where do I go now. Do I let go of the pain and anger? Ive used it to get where I am today. Will I still be the same if it goes away? Will I return to the old me? NO I WILL NOT. That person was innocent and youthful, he will never return.

But heres the problem, Im at the point now where I can reach my dream. But.......................... (theres always got to be a "but"). If it doesnt work, I would have wasted the past 3 years. And Im not sure if I can handle that. Ive worked so hard and I dont want to get the last door slamed in my face. If that happens everything will be a waste. My time in college, my time in the army, and 7 years of my youth I will never get back. So here I sit at the the last door, waiting to see if I have the nerve to open it.