I found a guy who I'm incredibly attracted to, who also likes me back. Of the many things I'd be afraid for him to find out "later on" in the relationship, he's already seen or dealt with-- ala- my body hair (the first time he saw me naked I definitely hadn't shaved in a while)-- my stomach (he's seen me naked)-- my bisexuality (well... yea- he knows) - my "dorkiness" (i've been a dork around him from the get-go.)
It's just really hard to take all of these things I'm hearing about him that are so negative and really be a fair judge. I know I like this guy. I don't know if I like him because of some superficial or temporary reason. Yes, he's physically attractive. The guy has an amazing body and a beautiful face. I can look at him for hours and not get bored or annoyed by much (although the nose hair the other day got on my nerves... I think i just need to get used to men being so hairy! And.. ughm... some men will have to get used to ME being so hairy!) --- So Adena, who cares greatly about looks due to the fact that she knows she'll have to kiss the guy she's with, is satisfied greatly.
But then there is the whole personality thing that comes into play. As of so far, Adena has liked what she's seen in him. She likes him as a person, but she's not so sure if she likes him as a person she could date.
She hates the fact that she hears things from all sides... that her roommate happens to have ISSUES with him for OBVIOUS reasons... that she's spoken w/ his ex gf and feels like she's gotten a fair commentary on why he's not good to date-- "he sucks at life. Trust me. He's really wierd... and I can't describe it. Like-- I seriously had to break it off pretty nastily with him, due to the fact that he's A) smothering B) distracting from school C) tries too hard to be sincere, but ends up sounding like a cheezy 80's film D)is bad in bed E)really out there psychologically--- (long story) and E) causes drama in places that dont need to exist. oh and by the way F) pisses me off frequently. But other than that, we're like best friends! heh."
Reading that whole bundle of (most likely) truth, I'm incredibly confused about what to do with the situation. As of now, I know that the other girl who liked him isn't interested in dating him... and I know he knows that. So now it's up to me. I read these things and have to say that some of the things that other people hate might be -- what I want -- or need, even.
Well... lets see... A- he's smothering. I don't want to be smothered, but at the same time, I really feel lonely right now and I wouldn't mind having someone to be really close to. I'm not sure how smothering *is* smothering, but it's not like I have a life much otherwise. I really want a person to go places with... to just have fun with. I'm not like his ex gf who wrote this-- she's really into being social and having friends and going out w/ her friends. When do I go out with my friends???
B- I'm already distracted from school. Maybe I'd be less distracted because I'd actually be happy, and have a reason to want to get my work done early.
C- I see this in him completely-- some of his lines are pretty bad. But it's cute all the same-- after a while this might get on my nerves. But, honestly, there are soooooo many things I do that would get on other people's nerves. And I find his lack of seriousness during a lot of conversation makes it easier for me to talk to him. And he can be serious-- I've talked to him in person alone once-- but he WASN'T all 80's movie like the entire time. I'm sure there will be days when I'll look at him and say- stop trying so hard. Just talk to me. But I do believe there is a lot more to him under that-- (maybe there isn't?) -- I want to find out.
D- Well, I have nothing to compare him to, unless you count women- and I don't think that's fair. So his ex *and* my roommate have said that he's bad in bed... What *is* bad in bed, anyway? I know that he's creative-- that's good. He says he likes to be dominant or submissive-- just like me. *tmi coming up, close your eyes if you don't want to know this*-- he blindfolded me the other night-- which really turned me on... Oh- we didn't have sex sex, btw-- I'm going to wait a long while for that. But I did do something to him that was- ahem- new for me. Anyway-- I haven't gotten off w/ him yet, but that's just because i need to relax a lot to be able to and this is all so new, there is no way I'm going to be at the level of ease required for such a thing to happen. So-- I don't know what to make with "d".
E- I don't have the long story. He told me about his "past" when he was a little man-whore, but he's changed since then. I don't want to judge people on their pasts. And fuck- I'm definitely "out there psychologically" as well. Oh-- and did she say 'causes drama in places that need not have it?'-- this seems to be something I do as well. Maybe he's me.
F- Well- he pisses her off ... but he hasn't pissed me off yet. We'll see about this one.
So-- I don't know what to do right now. It really pains me that I can't go to my roommate for advice because she really is the only person i can talk to about these things. In addition, it's the worst feeling in the world to know I'm hurting her- or at least making things weirder than they need to be. I'm seriously tempted to just stop all of this- it's not worth loosing her friendship (if i haven't already.) I don't know-- why is it that when I finally meet a guy I really really like, he has to come with a Jerry Springer episode? Seriously- my life is so f'd up.
It's just really hard to take all of these things I'm hearing about him that are so negative and really be a fair judge. I know I like this guy. I don't know if I like him because of some superficial or temporary reason. Yes, he's physically attractive. The guy has an amazing body and a beautiful face. I can look at him for hours and not get bored or annoyed by much (although the nose hair the other day got on my nerves... I think i just need to get used to men being so hairy! And.. ughm... some men will have to get used to ME being so hairy!) --- So Adena, who cares greatly about looks due to the fact that she knows she'll have to kiss the guy she's with, is satisfied greatly.
But then there is the whole personality thing that comes into play. As of so far, Adena has liked what she's seen in him. She likes him as a person, but she's not so sure if she likes him as a person she could date.
She hates the fact that she hears things from all sides... that her roommate happens to have ISSUES with him for OBVIOUS reasons... that she's spoken w/ his ex gf and feels like she's gotten a fair commentary on why he's not good to date-- "he sucks at life. Trust me. He's really wierd... and I can't describe it. Like-- I seriously had to break it off pretty nastily with him, due to the fact that he's A) smothering B) distracting from school C) tries too hard to be sincere, but ends up sounding like a cheezy 80's film D)is bad in bed E)really out there psychologically--- (long story) and E) causes drama in places that dont need to exist. oh and by the way F) pisses me off frequently. But other than that, we're like best friends! heh."
Reading that whole bundle of (most likely) truth, I'm incredibly confused about what to do with the situation. As of now, I know that the other girl who liked him isn't interested in dating him... and I know he knows that. So now it's up to me. I read these things and have to say that some of the things that other people hate might be -- what I want -- or need, even.
Well... lets see... A- he's smothering. I don't want to be smothered, but at the same time, I really feel lonely right now and I wouldn't mind having someone to be really close to. I'm not sure how smothering *is* smothering, but it's not like I have a life much otherwise. I really want a person to go places with... to just have fun with. I'm not like his ex gf who wrote this-- she's really into being social and having friends and going out w/ her friends. When do I go out with my friends???
B- I'm already distracted from school. Maybe I'd be less distracted because I'd actually be happy, and have a reason to want to get my work done early.
C- I see this in him completely-- some of his lines are pretty bad. But it's cute all the same-- after a while this might get on my nerves. But, honestly, there are soooooo many things I do that would get on other people's nerves. And I find his lack of seriousness during a lot of conversation makes it easier for me to talk to him. And he can be serious-- I've talked to him in person alone once-- but he WASN'T all 80's movie like the entire time. I'm sure there will be days when I'll look at him and say- stop trying so hard. Just talk to me. But I do believe there is a lot more to him under that-- (maybe there isn't?) -- I want to find out.
D- Well, I have nothing to compare him to, unless you count women- and I don't think that's fair. So his ex *and* my roommate have said that he's bad in bed... What *is* bad in bed, anyway? I know that he's creative-- that's good. He says he likes to be dominant or submissive-- just like me. *tmi coming up, close your eyes if you don't want to know this*-- he blindfolded me the other night-- which really turned me on... Oh- we didn't have sex sex, btw-- I'm going to wait a long while for that. But I did do something to him that was- ahem- new for me. Anyway-- I haven't gotten off w/ him yet, but that's just because i need to relax a lot to be able to and this is all so new, there is no way I'm going to be at the level of ease required for such a thing to happen. So-- I don't know what to make with "d".
E- I don't have the long story. He told me about his "past" when he was a little man-whore, but he's changed since then. I don't want to judge people on their pasts. And fuck- I'm definitely "out there psychologically" as well. Oh-- and did she say 'causes drama in places that need not have it?'-- this seems to be something I do as well. Maybe he's me.
F- Well- he pisses her off ... but he hasn't pissed me off yet. We'll see about this one.
So-- I don't know what to do right now. It really pains me that I can't go to my roommate for advice because she really is the only person i can talk to about these things. In addition, it's the worst feeling in the world to know I'm hurting her- or at least making things weirder than they need to be. I'm seriously tempted to just stop all of this- it's not worth loosing her friendship (if i haven't already.) I don't know-- why is it that when I finally meet a guy I really really like, he has to come with a Jerry Springer episode? Seriously- my life is so f'd up.
if you like him.. i say go for it. your roommate can't be mad at you.. she doesn't like him, right?
and there is usually a reason an ex is an EX. no need to get into why they're not together anymore. they broke up. it didn't work for them. but you are not them.
hey.. if he tickles your fancy.. go for it. you seem to be pretty level headed.. not jumping too far too fast. have fun and learn about people!!
good luck!