Man I used to come to this site alot more often. Now it is the least visited site on my favorites. Though it is the only one I pay for.

I don't even look at the nude sets anymore (and they are free on every torrent site anyways if I wanted to see the latest batch of non inspired SGs). The forums are dead and full of stuff that is not the least bit interesting.

Member since 05 and not making it another year.

Sorry SG, this place just sucks. If it helps I played drunken cards once with the free nudie cards.

Also, every thread follows the same set up:

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Poster 1: I express a view.

Poster 2: I agree with the view and expand on it.

Poster 3: I also agree.

Poster 4: I totally disagree because 3 people have agreed to the same thing. I offer sarcasm and act like everyone should believe what i do. Not because I believe it but because it is cool to disagree on a porn site.

Poster 1/2/3: We are indignant. RARRRR.

Poster 4: Wow I am fighting the majority. My life is now justified and it is ok I never finished high school. Or if I did finish high school I will show this to my grad advisor to show how diverse I am in opinions from the mainstream.

Chorus of the 4: Now we are reduced to bickering and internet fighting. Forget that this site was made to beat off to chicks with tattoos who are usually mediocre at best. We are cool in our struggle.
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This place went from best online community on internet to people who feel superior because they have paid money for more years, or dumbass newfags. Seriously SG members, I bet your the coolest kid at your bike shop. or ENC1101, or wherever it is you must prove your alternative lifestyle.

Eat shit. If you ban my account at least give me the difference of the money for the year (about 3 bucks?). I would rather have that then be skull fucked by the boring that makes up your troll threads at this point.

Later fuckers.

New blog up at Cooking Poetic. Talks about various food related stuff that I have come across as both a writer and a chef. Check it out.

If you know/like this song then you are my friend.

Oh my broken lamb
I worry when you cry
Baby's gonna fetch ya
Horses in the sky

Though dead hands ring the garden
And these are violent times
And violence brings more violence
And liars bring more lies

Though we was born defeated
Worried, tired and scared
And monsters build mean robots
Launching rockets into the air

And the wealth of our nations
Fed on angel blood
And our cities shot with moneyed schemes
Built on twigs and mud

And our schools look like prisons
And our prisons look like malls
And downtown's just a sick parade
Where no-one cares at all

And our hero's all died crazy
Broken, poor or shot
Let's celebrate their tragedy
And sanctify the loss

And manifest the daydream
Like those who fell before
And glorify our small attempts
And hate ourselves no more

Blow words between these sucker's teeth
And bind these panicked hands
Lose your heart like a clumsy bell
Please be well

And all i true love
Is the light
In my sister's darling eyes

In a world where people are being entertained by their own self righteous bullshit and being offended and "taking action" over said offense is the highlight of a day, I want to fucking leave. Enlightenment does not come from PC bullshit. It does not come from holding back the tongue. It comes from accepting each and every feeling or thought, good and bad, as equal and an intrical part of life. I hope you fucking pigs wallow in your own bureaucratic hell. If this offends you then put a bullet through your head so your future children don't have to realize what a fucking tool you are.

Damn Damn updating. Sitting in the dark listening to Denali and writing random deep thoughts. Deeeeep. Why do I obsess over such things? Why do I feel it is my personal duty to discover the secret of the universe? All it does is isolate my more. I already decided over a year ago that feelings are trivial and not logical. Since then I have not had any true feelings for anyone. Seriously. Scary shit. I approach things logically and from a mystical perspective. What is the point? I am learning kung fu and doing intense physical conditioning so that I can wander the world searching for answers. This sounds ridiculous. My worst fear is that I never take the leap and leave behind everything (which is not much, I have purposely made sure of that). My second worst fear is that I find the answer. Seriously, I have some romantic vision of dying dramatically on some quest for true knowledge while being in obscene shape with all my knowledge. For a man who is trying to strip himself of self and everything, that is the most egotistical end ever. I spend so much time analyzing everything that perhaps I am not truly living? That is part of why I cut off emotions. Part of conditioning and part of not being able to logically analyze things when I am caught up in emotions. It is hard to make personal connections when you are unwilling to give even 1% of yourself to a person. I am the epitamy of closed off. I can barely write feelings down without feeling vulnerable. I can't even open up to myself. I have given every ounce of myself to the act of figuring out myself, and the ironic thing is I have emerged I gigantic knot. I do not know where I end and my philosophy begins. I need a cause to die for. Or a person. The romantic vision of a female who I have a two week long intense relationship before we both die in an apocalyptic situation, sacrificing ourselves (or just me) for the betterment of mankind. The fact that these are the things I want from life show that I am on a one way road to nowhere. Illusions of grandeure is an understatement. I think everyone feels at some point like changing the universe. I can't stop thinking about it. Heres the final ironic twist: If I spend all my energy in becoming the thing that can ultimately change the universe, what do I change the universe to if my emotions are dead and my personality revolves around an action and not a solution? Oh yeah. Game Over. Im in love with every single girl I meet.

So, had today off since I have been working 40 hours a week lately. It was nice. Went to a Chinese Buffet and gorged myself until I couldn't walk. Watched the 2nd to last episode of Sopranos which was sad/amazing. Also got an amazing tribal drum for 10 bucks from my manager and some dvd equipment for 20. Goooo mooching. Havn't gone out in a week... still don't have a need to. Getting drunk out is expensive and trying to meet girls in bars and clubs is lame. Seriously, the kind of girl I'm looking for is not chasing shots at 1:30am. The few times I have met a girl I was interested in she started playing games and we all know I am not a man who plays games. Easiest way to get ignored by me. No drama= good drama. Back to the drawing board I guess. Been playing alot of music. Guitar/keyboard/and now a cool ass tribal drum. Seriously, it is amazing. My manager almost took it back a few times. Plus he gave me a wig, some weird trinkets he bought in Japan (hes half Japanese) and an ugly flannel suit jacket for parties. So all in all, can't complain. Also reading a book called The Alchemist which promises to be an interesting self awakening allegory. We'll see, we'll see.

Heh, its been 6 months so time for a new post. I have 3 classes until my BA is done, want to travel the world looking for the meaning of life. Or the equivalent in adventure form. Promoted at work to Master Prep which means I cut all the fish for the sushi and order everyone else around. And my ipod gets to be on all day (or at least until my manager Yoshi explains "this song reminds me of a headache I once had" and procedes to shut it off). Cut off all ties with the Ex future Mrs. Me. Since I am single and on the prowl my drinking/going out factor has risen about 500% since January. I will prolly need a new liver by the next time I get around to posting. For the casual observer who finds this page, this should be enough for you to judge me accordingly.

I preach the ideals of moving forward and being detached from desires all the time, yet still find it hard to detach myself from the unhealthy things in my life that I need to. Far easier to preach then to act. Wish me luck.

My new goal is to get really hardcore about training. Not to get big but to become really tough. I eventually want to travel to remote places of the world and figure I need to be in ungodly physical condition in order to fend off any threats a blue eyed white boy from America may incur. Hence kung fu and conditioning. When I see bruises now, I think about how tough I can be one day. When I fight my Sifu he has me kick him as hard as I can in the side and he doesn't even flinch. That is my goal eventually. Therefore my New Years resolution is to step up my training to jog my normal mile with ankle weights, do lots of lifting when I wake up and other crazy endurance stuff.

In school news: FUCK IT. First day of class today and I couldn't concentrate on anything already. I am done. I only have one more semester before I graduate with my BA, but i can't do it. I was in a theory class and couldn't pay attention enough to understand what was being argued. I just got up and left. I have reached the limits of academia. I don't want to be a professor anymore and grow as dusty as the unread research books I put out. I only went to school to get closer to universal truths, and although I have gained tools tha will help me in that conquest, I do not believe the answer lies in getting comfortable off a professor's pension. I am reading Che Guevera's biography and it makes me want to do something that matters. Sure it was evil in what resulted, but it started with a man realizing his potential and putting his life into an ideal. I want an ideal that I can die for.

It feels so good to go back to kung fu after they were closed for xmas and new years and such. We came back to conditioning day so i got to stand with my legs open while two kids kicked me on the legs and punched me in the stomach. Fucking intense.