Hey guys.

Here we go again. A very rare update, which are about to get even rarer. I'm officially able to resume life as mostly normal again. My body is healing great. I have to go to a gastro now, since they couldn't find the hole and can't confirm this won't happen again, and I have to strictly monitor what I do/eat and make sure my body functions as it should.

Due to the hospitalization and healing process, I've done a lot of thinking in regards to my life and what I'm doing, and what I want. It's really made me think. I've done nothing but sit and plan and figure it out. And it's come down to this:

I cannot do TF work anymore. Is this going to greatly restrict my modeling? Yes. Is it necessary? Yes. I have hospital bills coming in to pay, I have a car loan that still needs to be paid off, I have to pay my normal bills and LIVE. I don't have the money to be filling my gas tank three or more times a week trying to get to shoots, since the bulk of photographers are at LEAST an hour away. One hospital bill is 50,000. My car, I owe about 3000 on. It costs 45 a tank to fill my car. I still have doctor appointments and tests I have to do, which means more money that I don't have. Nor do I have the money to keep buying new clothes, shoes, makeup, etc to have something different for each shoot.

I work my ass off at my job, Monday through Friday, just to keep myself afloat. When I'm not at my day job, I'm either modeling or shooting. I don't have five seconds to BREATHE and just be me, let alone see those I care about. And I can't do that anymore either. It's not fair. It's caused a rift between those I'm close to because every single day I'm off, and often many days after work during the week, I'm shooting. I'm running myself ragged and down to the bone. They're watching me destroy myself, while at the same time, boost my confidence.

I enjoy...

Hey guys.

Here we go again. A very rare update, which are about to get even rarer. I'm officially able to resume life as mostly normal again. My body is healing great. I have to go to a gastro now, since they couldn't find the hole and can't confirm this won't happen again, and I have to strictly monitor what I do/eat and make sure my body functions as it should.

Due to the hospitalization and healing process, I've done a lot of thinking in regards to my life and what I'm doing, and what I want. It's really made me think. I've done nothing but sit and plan and figure it out. And it's come down to this:

I cannot do TF work anymore. Is this going to greatly restrict my modeling? Yes. Is it necessary? Yes. I have hospital bills coming in to pay, I have a car loan that still needs to be paid off, I have to pay my normal bills and LIVE. I don't have the money to be filling my gas tank three or more times a week trying to get to shoots, since the bulk of photographers are at LEAST an hour away. One hospital bill is 50,000. My car, I owe about 3000 on. It costs 45 a tank to fill my car. I still have doctor appointments and tests I have to do, which means more money that I don't have. Nor do I have the money to keep buying new clothes, shoes, makeup, etc to have something different for each shoot.

I work my ass off at my job, Monday through Friday, just to keep myself afloat. When I'm not at my day job, I'm either modeling or shooting. I don't have five seconds to BREATHE and just be me, let alone see those I care about. And I can't do that anymore either. It's not fair. It's caused a rift between those I'm close to because every single day I'm off, and often many days after work during the week, I'm shooting. I'm running myself ragged and down to the bone. They're watching me destroy myself, while at the same time, boost my confidence.

I enjoy modeling, don't get me wrong. But by modeling so much, I've lost sight of who I am. I want to get back to doing photography- that was my primary passion anyway. And there is entirely too much drama in the modeling world. It's all drama, bullshit, backstabbing. There are a few good, genuine people out there. I have the pleasure of having met or know a few- Zoelie, for one. Elexa Star. They're good people, and honest. Modeling was also becoming more of a job to me...And if I stop enjoying it, then why the fuck am I doing it?

So, as a whole- Modeling- paid work only, except with certain people I enjoy working with, and have made arrangements with, most of which know who they are. Or at least gas money needs to be given. I'm going to be doing a lot more photography work- I've already got two publications coming out for that alone.

As for Suicide Girls- I don't think this site is for me. Especially now that I have a six inch incision scar, from sternum to navel. The sets I keep seeing accepted all look similar...No offense meant to anyone, and I'm happy for those girls who do make it. I love seeing the new work that comes out. But for me, I no longer really fit, with my scars and such. Am I offended by this? No. It happens, it's all good. I have battle scars now.

This does not mean you can't find my work other places. I'm still on Zivity, and I'm a Cosplay Deviant, as well as just general modeling. I'm in several magazines. I'm on Facebook often. I have a fanpage and real page. You have many means to see my work on other places. I'll still be around. Hell, you can see my photography at Ad Lunam Photography


You all are awesome. I hope we keep in touch, and that you continue to enjoy my work. <3 Don't be afraid to talk to me. I'm human, just like you.