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HORRORscopes March 2009
Aries: Your mother will reveal to you that for the past 32 years she has been a "working girl". whatever that means.
Taurus: You will find new and interesting work. Then u will be ran over by a bus.
Gemini: You will discover that you have a long lost twin! (who is growing inside u like a tumor as it eats your colon.)
Cancer: You have a terminal illness. Ironically, not cancer.
Leo: An escaped lion will chew your face off.
Virgo: You love a challenge. Which is great, because you will soon lose 3 of your limbs.
Libra: You will go on an exciting blind date. That will be followed by being tortured in a dank basement for 3 months.
Scorpio: Your father informs you that he is quitting his job to star in gay porn films. And he wants you to critique his work.
Sagittarius: Your neighbor's dog will rape you.
Capricorn: Due to a tragic accident, your taint will be lost to infection.
Aquarius: A loved one will poison you. Mmm this muffin tastes like bitter almonds!
Pisces: You are loved by all and feared by many. Your impending wealth will make Bill Gates look like a hobo. In a word, you are 'Awesome'.
HORRORscopes March 2009
Aries: Your mother will reveal to you that for the past 32 years she has been a "working girl". whatever that means.
Taurus: You will find new and interesting work. Then u will be ran over by a bus.
Gemini: You will discover that you have a long lost twin! (who is growing inside u like a tumor as it eats your colon.)
Cancer: You have a terminal illness. Ironically, not cancer.
Leo: An escaped lion will chew your face off.
Virgo: You love a challenge. Which is great, because you will soon lose 3 of your limbs.
Libra: You will go on an exciting blind date. That will be followed by being tortured in a dank basement for 3 months.
Scorpio: Your father informs you that he is quitting his job to star in gay porn films. And he wants you to critique his work.
Sagittarius: Your neighbor's dog will rape you.
Capricorn: Due to a tragic accident, your taint will be lost to infection.
Aquarius: A loved one will poison you. Mmm this muffin tastes like bitter almonds!
Pisces: You are loved by all and feared by many. Your impending wealth will make Bill Gates look like a hobo. In a word, you are 'Awesome'.
Aries: Your mother will reveal to you that for the past 32 years she has been a "working girl". whatever that means.
Taurus: You will find new and interesting work. Then u will be ran over by a bus.
Gemini: You will discover that you have a long lost twin! (who is growing inside u like a tumor as it eats your colon.)
Cancer: You have a terminal illness. Ironically, not cancer.
Leo: An escaped lion will chew your face off.
Virgo: You love a challenge. Which is great, because you will soon lose 3 of your limbs.
Libra: You will go on an exciting blind date. That will be followed by being tortured in a dank basement for 3 months.
Scorpio: Your father informs you that he is quitting his job to star in gay porn films. And he wants you to critique his work.
Sagittarius: Your neighbor's dog will rape you.
Capricorn: Due to a tragic accident, your taint will be lost to infection.
Aquarius: A loved one will poison you. Mmm this muffin tastes like bitter almonds!
Pisces: You are loved by all and feared by many. Your impending wealth will make Bill Gates look like a hobo. In a word, you are 'Awesome'.