endquire

This is really cool especially if you like Mongolian rock, or Temujin.

I will admit that I am a freak and I do not belong here amongst everyone else. My exgirlfriend compared me to the guy from a beautiful mind. It is not a matter of me having any connection to mathematics. I do not and it is complicated. I am not schizophrenic. Scan my brain if you want. I am just very irritated by people and all these sorts of ritual games they have to play in their communication especially when it comes to intimate interactions. I am trying to figure it all out. I need a few more pieces. I don't know why it is so hard for people to just be honest and express whatever they need to express. What is all comes down to is you have your life and you want to populate it with those who who contribute to your life. You want to experience those things that feed you and help you grow. I understand that their are practical limitations when it comes to a work environment. Your personal environment is yours and you make the rules. If anyone doesn't contribute, isn't nice, whatever. Get rid of them. Your life is too short to waste on people who do not love you. Your life is too tenuous to waste on listening to the words of people who do not think that you are wonderful, beautiful and worth everything they can share with you. I do not have people around me just because they are there. I do not interact with my family just because they are my family. They can be dropped in a blender like anyone else who may hinder my existence. If you do not like me you do not have to interact with me and you do not have to tell me you do not like me. I do not care. The only reason to say these things to people is because you have emotional problems. You have issues that you are failing to deal with. If you see a girl you do not find attractive you have no reason to go and tell her that she is ugly or something. If a woman is posting nude photographs and you do not like them. DO NOT LOOK AT THEM AND DO NOT COMMENT. Leave her the fuck alone. She is expressing herself. You fucking respect her for having the strength and courage to do share. That goes for everything in life. If you do not have anything nice to say do not say anything at all. It is an aggressive action. I do not tolerate them against me or anyone undeserving. No one needs to lash out at anyone else because they hate themselves or whatever their problem is. The real problem is that their is this sickness everywhere. This psychological abuse that is the root cause of almost everything in at least our society. People make a big deal about things like domestic abuse, ah hell if I list them all it will be like a two page post. None of any of this crap in this world is right. People just say that is life, that is the way it is, that is how life goes. This is not the way it always was. This is all just a by product of other forces. People pass psychological and emotional abuse down through families. damn it I am getting incoherent again. I am just so angry all the time because it is just everywhere, in almost every single person that I see. It is a disease that is, well it kills some, others it just condemns to wounded lives. yes life is degrading because people are so degrading to themselves and to others. The really sad thing is that no one seems to be able to stop it. most people lack the self awareness to stop and take control of it and themselves. people need help and their are so many people and not enough people to help. I do not trust these trained therapists and psychiatrists. a lot of the time people go into these things because they have their own problems they are dealing with or have dealt with. Just because they have some training or earned something. It does not attest to the persons actual abilities, nature or decency. They can fuck someone up so badly and that person may not know it until it is too late. Then what? you put your trust into someone who was incompetent if not abusing you intentionally. Now you are less likely to be seeking another one. I won't even go into now what I saw when I watched the thing about satanism. It was sickening. May I suggest against anyone going to church in a strip mall. You go in okay an when you come out you have MPD/DPD and memories of how your parents were satanists to who raped you and ate your babies. See you don't know until a creepy pastor tells you that is happened. Don't trust yourself.

That is what I hate. People should always believe in themselves. They have no reason not to. They get caught up in these lies about their own value. You need to know yourself and who you are. that is what it is all about. Everything comes from that. the whole rest of your existence stems from you know all that you are inside. knowing what you are capable of and what your true limitations are. No one reaches beyond their limitations ever. your limits are your limits. These instances where people like to say it happened are just places where someone reached out to their potential. If everyone lived up to their potential and then went beyond that then it would be a miracle and would mean that they must have gone through some metamorphosis to become a different entity with different limits. You cannot do what is beyond you. You can live up to your potantial and compensate for your limitations.

okay this is a mess and I am just a nut. I wish I could give up. I have such a headache.

I will apologize now for my absence over the next few weeks. I have to move to my new place. I have to clean up this one. My work is ever more ridiculous but I am the fucking greatest and they don't know how I do what I do. I am forgetting more and more how I do it as well. Thank god I am made out of magic or else I would have died behind the wheel by now.

I just forgot.