endquire

I really always have so much to say. Their is so much in my head. So much inside me. I wish I could share it all. I really need someone to follow me around all day while I talk and record it or to just listen and tell me if it makes sense. I know of maybe a person or two who wouldn't mind that. I am a kinesthetic thinker. I just wish I had someone to record things so I do not lose them. Although anyone who really knows how to trick me into talking will get me to tell them anything and everything. If I forget myself and get lost in explaining things to someone it is not hard to get out of me everything you want to know. as I have said I am easily seduced. If you really are interested in what I am saying then I will just go on and on until you get everything out of me that you want. I have no secrets, except the secrets to get me to tell you everything. I do have to admit that I do have a sort of double standard thing. I noticed that I willingly welcome or invite people to do things that I would never allow myself to or I have to ask permission to first. If you want examples you cannot have them as I do not remember very much of my life. I retain few if any memories of my life because it largely does not interest me. I will remember things about people. I remember the important things about those I love. Mostly I just rememeber information though. Sometimes I like stories. Although mostly in the end I do not care about the story of a thing so much as the information, data, summary of the important parts. People underestimate me so much all of the time. Perhaps it is the illusion of the human life I lead. Perhaps it is the dumbed down existence I live to hide myself from everyone. Yes it is possible to tell me things I do not know. In my personal life I only allow those who are great enough to impress me. It can only be expected that such individuals have something to share with and teach me. Although really in the end I am here to serve them. No matter who you are. No matter what you think. My judgement, my instincts are perfect. They are especially so about people. I know you. I know who you are. Those I am meant to be in love with I tend to really be able to know them. I know you and I understand you. Everything about you. No one should ever doubt me. Please question me. Please try to understand. Please try never to doubt me. I will prove myself to everyone. I will prove myself and my worth to those who want to share this life with me and make sure they never doubt my love, my gifts, or that they made the right decision. People always want me to say things. They want me to produce some arguments or something to support what I have to say about myself. I can prove in my life and my actions. I do not brag and I hate those who do. I tell the truth as it has been presented to me. If I say I can do it then I can. If I say I will then I will no matter what. I know what I am in comparison to those I have experienced in one way or another. I know what people have said about me good and bad. Although few know very much if anything about me. I can only tell you what you allow me to tell you. When I look at you it is not with one set of eyes. When you talk to me you talk to the me that connects to you. I see so much at once. I exist on many levels of consciousness at once. Most of which I am not fully consciously aware. That is part of why I fear myself. Why I distrust myself. They do of their own accord. Sometimes I wonder if I was the will that set these events in motion. Did I place myself in this life to do these tasks. It just seems convenient that I meet these people that I have this transcendent recognition with despite all of my characteristics, rules and principles. It is like if we want him to intercept her they have to meet this way and she has to be like this. Like someone knows my secrets and how to defeat my every effort to isolate myself or hide from everyone. I just wish people appreciated that I Must help. I must serve. I must give. I don't have a life for any other reason. Yes I have goals, dreams, wishes. I do not want anyone to leave me. I wish I could live a nice life with those I am in love with. giving them all my ideas, wisdom and power. Let them feed off of me and let my gifts push their lives to levels they would not have otherwise. Sometimes all you need is someone standing behind you telling you that you can do it. Sometimes you need them to tell you how to do it, or how to defeat and undermine your enemies. Why the fuck can't people love and care like I do? Why aren't their more of me. I feel so guilty when I cannot do enough. I need power to be able to help everyone. I need thai food and a haircut. No I do not have to have sex with everyone I help. If I fall in love with someone and she falls in love with me and she wants to be in my life and allow me in hers then yes we must have a lot of sex. I am the most sexual monster you will ever see. I just have self control. Most of the time it seems like every one else is like some sort of an animal. Yes humans are just apes but we are freaks who have out stayed our welcome and we need a new plan. It is just that physical maturity fools people into thinking that they have mental or emotional maturity as well. I am so tired of doing other peoples thinking for them. NO if you are in my personal life or I wish you to be you are not included in that. I am here to serve you. help you. My life for yours. I am talking about everyone else who just exist to be mediocre or fail. People hassle me for giving people a hard time. or should I say hating them too much. Listen I give humans endless chances. THey always break my heart. You do not know what you are talking about. You are seeing it on one superficial layer. When you really get to know people you can see how awful they are really deep down. who am I suppose to save? these precious little vermin that would with surprisingly little coaxing from a fake authority figure torture someone to death? Look it up it surprised the researchers. No I do not beleive everyone is equal or in equal rights. I do not believe in racism or sexism or anything like that. If your intellect is the rival of a well nourished alaskan route vegetable then maybe you do not need to vote. people think the dipshit puppets we elect are the problem. The people are the problem. I have faith in the dream of humanity. the facts of them as they are now, it kills me to even think about it. But I just cannot stop. I wish people could just fucking stop and listen to themselves. Hitler was elected and did everything he said he was going to do in his best selling book Mein kampf. we just beat those fuckers down so bad the best thing that could happen to them was hitler. So the allied forces of WWI are the real Jew killers. Elected goverments of monied elite decided to make germany eat it so how many millions of jews died? The focus is all about selling an idiot to idiots on TV so your government is fucked forever. The average idiot does not need a bill of rights. They will sell it out if you can scare them enough. the bill of rights is to guarantee the power of the intellectuals and revolutionaries who will take you the fuck down if you decide to try on your stalin pants( he killed more people than hitler just because). Isn;t their patent law in the constitution? Wouldn't that to be something to protect intellectual creation? They wrote it in private. in school I think they sell it to you as some hard work thing. IT WAS A SECRET! They knew that this shit wouldn't fly with the average man, or those who seek to gain power. George washington and ben franklin Hate you for raping their dream. No means No. Do you have any idea of what a great man madison was? He would never get elected in these modern times. Dolly madison stayed in washington with the british coming to destroy all to save all of out sacred government documents. If atheism was an option in 1776 they would have been. then their would be no mention of god in any government anything. She did not know where anyone else was. where the army was. if her husband or other government officials were all dead. She did her duty to save these documents and that george washington painting. We don't elect men as presidents. just spoiled children. It is all a stupid game. this whole world is just a bunch of stupid lies and games. Raise your hand if you got fooled. They rape babies in africa because it is a myth that a virgins blood cures aids and the younger the more potent the blood. SO the cure for aids is raping babies. That is the cure the government has been hiding from us all. You know the slave trade is bigger than ever. REally it is. look it up. How we know which tribe murdering the other tribe is right? I guess the one who kills the most and takes over the government. Their are no more Kalahari bushmen. They have been relocated and their lifestyle destroyed. What I really enjoy is that in our nation we have that mix of anti-intellectuality and reduction of responsibility both legally and socially. Nothing is your fault you magnificent idiot!

In case it comes up What I did for my valentines day By John William Kreutziger IV. Since it was tuesday I did waht I always do on tuesday go to my mothers for dinner, to visit with her and since I have lived in this place do my laundry. My sister passed her boy off on my mother I expect for valentines day purposes. I relaced my work boots and played with my nephew little Johnny(I used to be little johnny). I tryed communicating with him and was unable to decipher if he was having sinus pain or not. he might have been mimicing me. He was coughing and he has been playing with his tongue for some time. I drove him home because as my mom said I am too good to my sister. On the inside I was relfecting on my rage, my pain, The doubel edged blade of love and who I need to use that blade on. Maybe who needs to use it on me.