SAYING GOODBYE TO A CLOSE FRIEND: Well, now comes the day that I once again get shipped off to the Big Sandbox. By the end of this year I'll most likely be in the thick of danger in Afghanistan, never knowing if my return is assured. Yet this doesn't seem to faze me as I've really nothing and no one other than blood family to entice me to return. Photography can only hold one so far when the fun gets trammeled by one's ex. It isn't well known about me here on this site, but I've always been a very cautious yet generous man.
Even after the ex flipped the switch off her life and lost her identity entirely, out of the remaining Love in me was still enough generosity to help her try to keep her head above the bloody waters of this economy. Unfortunately, as is usual for a Virgo in this situation, she took advantage of this help and showed no remorse in cutting off the communication she had initially begged to maintain without notice. My concern was that being suicidal she may have offed herself for whatever useless reason, or that someone had abused her own trust and new off-the-chain wild lifestyle and hurt or even killed her. So like anyone who has concern for another person I kept trying to contact her, and after a long while contacted others able to stop by her place to check on her. The horror stories of her living arrangements were enough to alarm me that something had flipped in her. I won't even go into the description other than to say that her place belonged on that TV show "Clean House", where they go to rescue the worst homes in America. *shivers*
Don't get me wrong, I still harbor guarded Love for her, but her betrayal of my aid and actually keeping my promises to her from when we separated inflamed my anger enough to burn down most of my sadness and concern about her hoped for improvement. What she's done has been far, far, far worse than any aches or sadness I may have ever...
SAYING GOODBYE TO A CLOSE FRIEND: Well, now comes the day that I once again get shipped off to the Big Sandbox. By the end of this year I'll most likely be in the thick of danger in Afghanistan, never knowing if my return is assured. Yet this doesn't seem to faze me as I've really nothing and no one other than blood family to entice me to return. Photography can only hold one so far when the fun gets trammeled by one's ex. It isn't well known about me here on this site, but I've always been a very cautious yet generous man.
Even after the ex flipped the switch off her life and lost her identity entirely, out of the remaining Love in me was still enough generosity to help her try to keep her head above the bloody waters of this economy. Unfortunately, as is usual for a Virgo in this situation, she took advantage of this help and showed no remorse in cutting off the communication she had initially begged to maintain without notice. My concern was that being suicidal she may have offed herself for whatever useless reason, or that someone had abused her own trust and new off-the-chain wild lifestyle and hurt or even killed her. So like anyone who has concern for another person I kept trying to contact her, and after a long while contacted others able to stop by her place to check on her. The horror stories of her living arrangements were enough to alarm me that something had flipped in her. I won't even go into the description other than to say that her place belonged on that TV show "Clean House", where they go to rescue the worst homes in America. *shivers*
Don't get me wrong, I still harbor guarded Love for her, but her betrayal of my aid and actually keeping my promises to her from when we separated inflamed my anger enough to burn down most of my sadness and concern about her hoped for improvement. What she's done has been far, far, far worse than any aches or sadness I may have ever given her during our nearly seven years together. Communication was all that was really sought, even if all of her promises to do other things for me while I was in the Sandbox were expected to be false. I didn't expect her to keep her words, simply contact as she begged me to do for her. As she claimed that she 'couldn't bear to have me erase her from my life', as 'we had many good memories together' and I 'was the only guy who treated her nicely'. Well, I knew I'd end up the sucker in this, but because I still cared and held some Love for her I knowingly allowed her to abuse me. There is another four-letter word that might apply to that type of abuse, but she'd simply get mad at me if I said it since the literal doesn't compare to the non-literal in her lost mind.
Well, the end result is that I have given her numerous chances to respond to me to at least keep an amicable separation, as I've originally allowed her to keep my name. She has failed to do so, and I no longer have anyone who wants to try to find her to see if she's alright. Nobody wants to be the go-between anymore with her crazy issues and my concern for her well-being. Understandably. Supremely sad was I since the separation as she spiraled lower. She has always rejected anyone's pity, so none was volunteered. There was a time where she would've been concerned over the sabotage that injured me in the Middle East, now there appears to be a blank where the emptiness left an impression.
So as I return to the Sandbox and later risk of combat action, I bid her adieu (she has access to blogs on this site) and expect to never hear from her again. Before I gave her the advice, since it was so hard to move on, to only move forward one step at a time. It is far easier to focus on the immediate step there before you than to try taking on the big picture at once. Move forward, and some day enough steps have been taken to smooth the transition towards moving on. She hasn't moved on it seems, though being in denial while moving forward might work for her twisty thinking now, so who am I to question how she treats those in her past? Nah, instead I had already taken enough steps to move on myself. She's closed her mind(s) to any thought that I really wanted to help her, possibly to put all of the blame on me. Whatever helps her heal, even if she hates me in the end.
While I no longer care about a thing called Love, it is an experience everyone should try at least once. That way when it bites them in the ass they can actually grow up and look at relationships like contracts. But damn does it feel good to finally rant about it where she can read my thoughts. She doesn't like the honesty that she tried so hard to gather while we were together. Guess honesty wasn't enough to maintain the closest Friendship I've ever had. *shrugs mercilessly* *plucks a petal* She loves me, she Loves me not...lol!
Even after the ex flipped the switch off her life and lost her identity entirely, out of the remaining Love in me was still enough generosity to help her try to keep her head above the bloody waters of this economy. Unfortunately, as is usual for a Virgo in this situation, she took advantage of this help and showed no remorse in cutting off the communication she had initially begged to maintain without notice. My concern was that being suicidal she may have offed herself for whatever useless reason, or that someone had abused her own trust and new off-the-chain wild lifestyle and hurt or even killed her. So like anyone who has concern for another person I kept trying to contact her, and after a long while contacted others able to stop by her place to check on her. The horror stories of her living arrangements were enough to alarm me that something had flipped in her. I won't even go into the description other than to say that her place belonged on that TV show "Clean House", where they go to rescue the worst homes in America. *shivers*
Don't get me wrong, I still harbor guarded Love for her, but her betrayal of my aid and actually keeping my promises to her from when we separated inflamed my anger enough to burn down most of my sadness and concern about her hoped for improvement. What she's done has been far, far, far worse than any aches or sadness I may have ever...