age: 38 (Jul 21, 1974)

MEMBER SINCE: April 2005

occupation: Haiku Ninja

gets me hot: Moisture, heat, curves, moans, smiles, playful struggling.

crush: Girls only like me when I'm not interested, so it's kind of pointless to have a crush, isn't it?

sign: LOMO

stats: Beefcake!

makes me sad: Philadelphia.

body mods: En el cajón, otro descubrimiento escalofriante: Un disfraz de mono hecho completamente de vellos pubicos.

most humbling moment: The gradual realization that some of those people that pretend to be happy all the time aren't pretending (fuckers).

into: 'Irregardless', Books, photography, flying, bicycling, depressing funks, unnecessary use of the word fuck.

fantasy: I'm a ninja, and I can throw a punch so fast the other guy's head explodes before the fight starts. My fantasy was that I would meet a woman who would find it arousing when I explained this to her, rather than slowly backing away or writhing in hysterical, mocking laughter. My new fantasy? Find a woman who is aroused by this AND not utterly psychotic! My other fantasy is that ninjas are still funny and flannel is still in style.

makes me happy: How folks from the UK can use the word twat without it sounding filthy, pear juice, "Dear Nintendo, My Life is a Godamned Mess", Christina Ricci, saying "Poughkeepsie"