MEMBER SINCE: January 2004

occupation: I safeguard the American public against the hoard of zombie octopi waiting to lunge out of the Pacific and bring this mighty nation to its knees. Sleep well, America. DisasterMagnet is ever vigilant.

sign: PRIVATE PROPERTY: Trespassers will be defenestrated

i lost my virginity: In a graveyard. This one is actually true, so I'm leaving it.

crush: yeah, we're going to skip this one.

gets me hot: Mowing down imbeciles with the Flaming Chainsaw of Retribution.

makes me happy: being sociable, funny jokes, a crushingly heavy Drum&Bass mix, small boobies, lists of things that make me happy, wasabi peas, going to great lengths to inconvenience the over privileged, Bourbon (Knob Creek & Bulleit, yum yum!), Sushi&Sake, getting to sleep as long as I want.

most humbling moment: Ugh, the story is way too long to tell here. God, I'll never get those stains out of that shirt. Anyway, if you REALLY want, I'll show you the police report.

fantasy: one day, I'm gunna break into some people's houses. And then...I'm gunna walk around and look at all the stuff they have. And then, I'm gunna paint everything red. Cuz red reminds me of death.

into: Deathmetal and stuffed animals, Kleptopyrotriscadecanecrobestialityphobia. That's the fear of stealing 13 dead flaming animals and then having sex with every single one of them.

body mods: I broke off the end of a metal rake and screwed it into my skull, giving me a wobbly metal mohawk which I can also use to do yardwork. Now that's what I call practical!