MEMBER SINCE: January 2004

occupation: I safeguard the American public against the hoard of zombie octopi waiting to lunge out of the Pacific and bring this mighty nation to its knees. Sleep well, America. DisasterMagnet is ever vigilant.

i lost my virginity: In a graveyard. This one is actually true, so I'm leaving it.

crush: yeah, we're going to skip this one.

gets me hot: Mowing down imbeciles with the Flaming Chainsaw of Retribution.

sign: PRIVATE PROPERTY: Trespassers will be defenestrated

most humbling moment: Ugh, the story is way too long to tell here. God, I'll never get those stains out of that shirt. Anyway, if you REALLY want, I'll show you the police report.

makes me sad: cancer, heartbreak, little kids(I guess they make me more homicidal than sad) constant war in the middle east, unfulfilled dreams, not getting to sleep as long as I want, INTELLIGENT DESIGN CREATIONISM

into: Deathmetal and stuffed animals, Kleptopyrotriscadecanecrobestialityphobia. That's the fear of stealing 13 dead flaming animals and then having sex with every single one of them.

fantasy: one day, I'm gunna break into some people's houses. And then...I'm gunna walk around and look at all the stuff they have. And then, I'm gunna paint everything red. Cuz red reminds me of death.

stats: an open ended bio-construct originally developed to survey alien planets and adapt to fit in with indiginous lifeforms. So far, this assignment has been exhausting.