So, I haven't updated this blog in well over a year; most of the friends I once had on this group seem to have drifted off in the time since, which is perfectly understandable. But, this was always the place I could go to explain how I feel about this. So, on the off chance anyone actualy sees this, I felt that I should update.
I just received a letter today saying that I was not accepted into the PhD program which I was banking on. I took it well; or, at the very least, as well as any human is capable of, I suppose. i didn't fume, or storm around; in fact, I kept a pretty optimistic face about the entire situation. It just meant, I explained to everyone, that I was going to have to switch to plan 'B' and start applying for jobs in university administration. No worries.
Needless to say; I was actually a good deal more upset than i let on. But, i have friends who were unemployed, and who are struggling, and I wasn't going to act like the world was falling down, around them. In fact my best friend, Shibbs, seemed more offended and horrified by my eing denied than I was. Despite all of my irritation at him at times, he's a good friend.
The worst part about the situation, however, is that its my own fauly. When I first came to Grad School, I did so, mainly , simply because I'd wanted to be back in school. I'd done my two years teaching in Alaska, at that time wounded me far more than i ever let on to anyone. College was a safe place, it was secure, and it was a place where I knew i was happy. And so, upoin getting back, i reveled in it; I made new friends, i tried things (like actually partying) that I'd been too reserved to do that first time around. It was wonderful.
But time drug on, and soon I found that my two year Masters degree was taking four years. Looking back, I'm not sure how i could have sped it up; my research entailed a lot of travel that I wasn't able to do often; and my first...

So, I haven't updated this blog in well over a year; most of the friends I once had on this group seem to have drifted off in the time since, which is perfectly understandable. But, this was always the place I could go to explain how I feel about this. So, on the off chance anyone actualy sees this, I felt that I should update.
I just received a letter today saying that I was not accepted into the PhD program which I was banking on. I took it well; or, at the very least, as well as any human is capable of, I suppose. i didn't fume, or storm around; in fact, I kept a pretty optimistic face about the entire situation. It just meant, I explained to everyone, that I was going to have to switch to plan 'B' and start applying for jobs in university administration. No worries.
Needless to say; I was actually a good deal more upset than i let on. But, i have friends who were unemployed, and who are struggling, and I wasn't going to act like the world was falling down, around them. In fact my best friend, Shibbs, seemed more offended and horrified by my eing denied than I was. Despite all of my irritation at him at times, he's a good friend.
The worst part about the situation, however, is that its my own fauly. When I first came to Grad School, I did so, mainly , simply because I'd wanted to be back in school. I'd done my two years teaching in Alaska, at that time wounded me far more than i ever let on to anyone. College was a safe place, it was secure, and it was a place where I knew i was happy. And so, upoin getting back, i reveled in it; I made new friends, i tried things (like actually partying) that I'd been too reserved to do that first time around. It was wonderful.
But time drug on, and soon I found that my two year Masters degree was taking four years. Looking back, I'm not sure how i could have sped it up; my research entailed a lot of travel that I wasn't able to do often; and my first advisor retiring threw a wrench in my plains. And, even more so; I was having a lot of fun, enjoying myself, and feeling like I'd finally broken through my old social akwardness and reserve.
But I'm afriad that the length it took me has damned my chances of moving on now, and I'm not sure how to take it. I certianly don't mind moving on with a new job; I love the unviersity system and want to be part of it. But I always saw myself as a Professor at least; I'm someone who doesn't usual search out money, but does value prestige.
I think everything will work out in the end; but, truthfully, I'm worried, and don't feel as if I can express it to others at the moment.

So there you go; I've finally updated this thing. I doubt anyone will really see it; it seems as if so many people i've known in my past (both on-line and in real life0 have drifted off; and I blame myself for not keeping as close of contact as I'd have liked, to boot.
Wow; this is a few years of angst coming out at the moment!