The bastard son of a thousand maniacs. I can lift a hotel over my head. I dug the Grand Canyon and built the Himalayas in the same weekend. On a bet, I once held my breath for eleven weeks. I'm an only child, despite what my sister says. I can communicate with plants, insects and animals and predict the past with amazing accuracy. My favorite color is gray. My parents raised me to be a fictional character, and for the most part, have succeeded. I love bees. I know how to crack a bullwhip. I suffer from night terrors. I used to be a pickpocket, and, briefly, a smuggler of Cuban cigars. I've lost 65% of my hearing, and have perpetual tinnitus. When I was 15 I rode a bicycle from Cape Cod, MA to Bar Harbor, ME. My heroes are Buster Keaton and Johann Sebastian Bach. I have a photographic memory, but sometimes I forget to load the film. I also happen to be a confirmed epheliphiliac. I don't believe in fairy tales, love at first sight, or the perfect crime. I do, however, believe in revenge, the power of sausages, and titanium. And centaurs. I've seen them!