so i'm feeling good today.
DAMN good, thank you.
yesterday (after getting home from work at 6 AM....yes, a 20 hour work day) after getting some much needed sleep, i went up to baltimore for a lunch meeting at Cheesecake Factory (yummy yummy yummy) with a girl for whom i will developing a website. i had already worked with her for a DVD shot and produced by the guy that is executive producing my next DVD. a few weeks back, i called to see if she was interested in doing some shoots with me including a couple with avalonchase (both girl/girl and a good ol' 3some). she was down with the idea and we got to talking about her website. she told me that she was "in the market...as it were", to quote Jack Sparrow. so we set up this meeting to see if i could develop some synergy. it was a really good meeting and i'm happy to have her as part of the team. so now, including Avalon and this girl, i'm up to 3 sites (not including my own) that will be a part of my Major F-ing Star network. While I was on the road, i had a good phone chat with Avalon and we kicked around some cool ideas for a few sets. We've got almost a month until we shoot, so theres plenty of time to work out the details.
so this morning, I woke up and watched this AMAZING video that my wife told me about. this thing reaffirmed a lot of things that i had known or felt all my life, many of which i had forgotten or grown out of the habit of practicing. see, i am believe firmly that we are all connected to each other and the universe because on the lowest possible biological level, we all consist of the same molecules and energy that comprise any and al things from grass to trees to planets and more. this connection gives us the ability to create those things which we conceptualize in our minds. not on a hokey level like, think of ice cream and 'poof'...ice cream appears. but more on the level of the ideas and concepts you visualize ultimately manifest in real life.
now the video is way more detailed for me to breeze over in a blog entry. so i wont attempt to. nor am i trying to say that all my problems are solved. i do expect to meet with adversity in the future. its a fact of life. however, i have vowed to take back control of the one thing that no one else but myself can direct. and thats my attitude. the more i think about how this is fucked up or that sucks or how i dont have this or whatever, the more those conditions will continue to exist. by visualizing on the thngs i want, i can bring those things into existence.
for a lot of people this is something that is hard to accept. we have been conditioned all our lives that certain rules apply and these kind of solutions fly in the face of that conditioning. however, at many times in my life, i have moved simply on faith alone. and i have accomplished what i wanted to. i started competitve athletics (track & x-country) halfway through my sophomore year of high school. by the end of that year i was one of the best runners in the city and by the time i graduated, i had set several records including some that still stand to this day. a few years later in college, i decided to major in music (with no formal previous training) and within a few years of that, i was one of the most respected indie producers in the city. i have countless examples from my life where i never allowed myself to consider or accept any outcome other than success. i KNOW this is something that actually works.
recently, i lost track of that ability. i allowed myself to become mired in angst and personal sorrow. i began to be absorbed with what i wasnt doing and what i wasnt getting. sure enough, those things continued to happen. the fact is, i am better than that and i deserve better. and right here, right now is where i start to stand up and take what is mine. life is not some cruel game. life is nothing more than what we fashion it to be for ourselves. and i aim to make mine as full and as rewarding and as pleasureable as possible. nothing will stop that.
i set out to make a "roadmap" if you will by listing all the different areas of my life from personal to professional to my relationships with other people and myself...and i identified aspects that i want to see changed and improved. im making some serious modifications to the way i live my life because at the age of 34, i still have many years ahead of me and i have no intention on looking back and thinking about what i "could" have done. i have been blessed with so many talents and i plan to use them all as fully as possible. writing a novel. writing a screenplay. taking my oldest daughter to japan. working for myself again. all of these things and so much more are things that i am visualizing and planning to make happen for me.
no more stress. no more angst. no more drama. no more bullshit. and most definately, no more of this.
theres just no time in my life for that anymore. just watch.
DAMN good, thank you.
yesterday (after getting home from work at 6 AM....yes, a 20 hour work day) after getting some much needed sleep, i went up to baltimore for a lunch meeting at Cheesecake Factory (yummy yummy yummy) with a girl for whom i will developing a website. i had already worked with her for a DVD shot and produced by the guy that is executive producing my next DVD. a few weeks back, i called to see if she was interested in doing some shoots with me including a couple with avalonchase (both girl/girl and a good ol' 3some). she was down with the idea and we got to talking about her website. she told me that she was "in the market...as it were", to quote Jack Sparrow. so we set up this meeting to see if i could develop some synergy. it was a really good meeting and i'm happy to have her as part of the team. so now, including Avalon and this girl, i'm up to 3 sites (not including my own) that will be a part of my Major F-ing Star network. While I was on the road, i had a good phone chat with Avalon and we kicked around some cool ideas for a few sets. We've got almost a month until we shoot, so theres plenty of time to work out the details.
so this morning, I woke up and watched this AMAZING video that my wife told me about. this thing reaffirmed a lot of things that i had known or felt all my life, many of which i had forgotten or grown out of the habit of practicing. see, i am believe firmly that we are all connected to each other and the universe because on the lowest possible biological level, we all consist of the same molecules and energy that comprise any and al things from grass to trees to planets and more. this connection gives us the ability to create those things which we conceptualize in our minds. not on a hokey level like, think of ice cream and 'poof'...ice cream appears. but more on the level of the ideas and concepts you visualize ultimately manifest in real life.
now the video is way more detailed for me to breeze over in a blog entry. so i wont attempt to. nor am i trying to say that all my problems are solved. i do expect to meet with adversity in the future. its a fact of life. however, i have vowed to take back control of the one thing that no one else but myself can direct. and thats my attitude. the more i think about how this is fucked up or that sucks or how i dont have this or whatever, the more those conditions will continue to exist. by visualizing on the thngs i want, i can bring those things into existence.
for a lot of people this is something that is hard to accept. we have been conditioned all our lives that certain rules apply and these kind of solutions fly in the face of that conditioning. however, at many times in my life, i have moved simply on faith alone. and i have accomplished what i wanted to. i started competitve athletics (track & x-country) halfway through my sophomore year of high school. by the end of that year i was one of the best runners in the city and by the time i graduated, i had set several records including some that still stand to this day. a few years later in college, i decided to major in music (with no formal previous training) and within a few years of that, i was one of the most respected indie producers in the city. i have countless examples from my life where i never allowed myself to consider or accept any outcome other than success. i KNOW this is something that actually works.
recently, i lost track of that ability. i allowed myself to become mired in angst and personal sorrow. i began to be absorbed with what i wasnt doing and what i wasnt getting. sure enough, those things continued to happen. the fact is, i am better than that and i deserve better. and right here, right now is where i start to stand up and take what is mine. life is not some cruel game. life is nothing more than what we fashion it to be for ourselves. and i aim to make mine as full and as rewarding and as pleasureable as possible. nothing will stop that.
i set out to make a "roadmap" if you will by listing all the different areas of my life from personal to professional to my relationships with other people and myself...and i identified aspects that i want to see changed and improved. im making some serious modifications to the way i live my life because at the age of 34, i still have many years ahead of me and i have no intention on looking back and thinking about what i "could" have done. i have been blessed with so many talents and i plan to use them all as fully as possible. writing a novel. writing a screenplay. taking my oldest daughter to japan. working for myself again. all of these things and so much more are things that i am visualizing and planning to make happen for me.
no more stress. no more angst. no more drama. no more bullshit. and most definately, no more of this.
theres just no time in my life for that anymore. just watch.
phoenixgirl:
I know how you feel, I have been trying to find faith, and just be happy in general. I think we are at the age in our lives where we realize what truly matters. I will watch that vidoe when i get a bit more time. 
sinjun:
yeah, your post was rather long and the video is an hour and half. I really liked what I saw in the first 15 minutes, but I will have to watch the rest later. I have been in a negative mindset lately. I know that doesn't help me, so thanx to you I get a kick in the ass to redirect my thoughts so that things will get better.