Wow...what is this new feeling I have? I woke up this morning and listened to a few mixed cd's, just thinking about everything. The sunlight pried my eyes open and again I woke up in my bed completely alone, but realized the long nights alone have been good to me, forging me into a newer, stronger woman. The pain, the angst, the clenching feeling in my chest..
I let it go.
I realized things will be A-OK. There is no more fear, no more kicking below me and realizing there is only boundless water my feet strike and not a concrete floor. Things will be fine. All of the responses I have received in my journals from the girls have been so very uplifting and encouraging, and I think hell, if all of these beautiful, wonderful girls that live 10,000 miles away think highly of me, then surely there has to be someone in my immediate vicinity who does, right? I'm letting it go. The fire which fueled my rage is now fueling the energy to rebuild, the energy to dream. My ex is nothing more than an adolescent memory, nothing more than an occurance which is over, said and done. I will continue to be cloaked in invisibility so that if she makes any contact, she will have nobody to talk to, I will just hang up.
Future daydreams with my would-be girl #8,004
And in this one, I prize your power and wit above all else, praising your beauty, which reflects that of Artemis. I knew you were for me when I realized you could carry on a conversation about Rilke and at the same time feel comfortable enough to wear a matching lime green feather boa with me while walking down the street for fun. I swaddle you in my warm, soft comforter while going to the kitchen to retrieve sliced pears and cold white wine, the only offerings fit for my goddess of uncommon beauty; not one garish like Aphrodite, not one pretentious like Athena, but one whom strangers fear for her rebellious charm, one who hunts irridescent white stags with silver bows at twilight.
And your lips bring me to heaven. Always to heaven, never nearer, and never farther, I continuously find salvation in your eyes, divinity in your touch.
I let it go.
I realized things will be A-OK. There is no more fear, no more kicking below me and realizing there is only boundless water my feet strike and not a concrete floor. Things will be fine. All of the responses I have received in my journals from the girls have been so very uplifting and encouraging, and I think hell, if all of these beautiful, wonderful girls that live 10,000 miles away think highly of me, then surely there has to be someone in my immediate vicinity who does, right? I'm letting it go. The fire which fueled my rage is now fueling the energy to rebuild, the energy to dream. My ex is nothing more than an adolescent memory, nothing more than an occurance which is over, said and done. I will continue to be cloaked in invisibility so that if she makes any contact, she will have nobody to talk to, I will just hang up.
Future daydreams with my would-be girl #8,004
And in this one, I prize your power and wit above all else, praising your beauty, which reflects that of Artemis. I knew you were for me when I realized you could carry on a conversation about Rilke and at the same time feel comfortable enough to wear a matching lime green feather boa with me while walking down the street for fun. I swaddle you in my warm, soft comforter while going to the kitchen to retrieve sliced pears and cold white wine, the only offerings fit for my goddess of uncommon beauty; not one garish like Aphrodite, not one pretentious like Athena, but one whom strangers fear for her rebellious charm, one who hunts irridescent white stags with silver bows at twilight.
And your lips bring me to heaven. Always to heaven, never nearer, and never farther, I continuously find salvation in your eyes, divinity in your touch.
you will find your goddess and may she worship you with the same poeticism and joy of life.
: )
It makes me smile knowing that this little ritual of posting in your journal every night has made you feel better! Thank you for saying those sweet things to me too!