Fuck!! I just don't know what to do.
I'm basically certain I want to go to uni, but to do that I need to spend another year at college, something I'm unsure whether or not I can face. The local place, CCP, is utterly soul destroying, and the staff aren't exactly my own personal cheerleading troop :... making a rod for your own back is not cool.
The next nearest college was rather appealing, but on further inspection I doubt it will be possible to go there. It's not the three hours per day travelling I'd have to do, it's the fact it would cost ~£13 a day to just get there and back, a hurdle if there ever was one. I could pay for that with the money from my recent tax rebate but I want to spend that money on something amazing... a trip somewhere, or to various places. (As in spend it on a round the world ticket from BA, then I have the stuff I need, so just pack some stuff in a bag then leave).
It's awful. From day to day I change my mind on all this, almost continuously, it's not a great feeling. I think I'm just too good at cutting stuff out of my life and moving on... it's almost easier than making stuff work, and it's as though reinvention is the way forward. Urghh, I could challenge Bowie on the reinvention front.
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haha, well I wrote the above last night, then got sidelined rather a lot... so now I'll come back to it.
In the meantime I've been thinking the next nearest college, Exeter, just can't work, I've got to be realistic. That means my only workable option is to persevere with CCP, but I wonder if I'll be able to do another year. What normally happens is I do what I should for the first few months, and the tutors love me, then I drift for the middle bit, and they start getting frustrated (mainly because of the early promise shown, I'm still no worse than anyone else... there's not that much competition). Anyway, then I end up getting pissed off with them, and don't do any work. I can see that happening again :.
I can be far more optimistic...
Fuck!! I just don't know what to do.
I'm basically certain I want to go to uni, but to do that I need to spend another year at college, something I'm unsure whether or not I can face. The local place, CCP, is utterly soul destroying, and the staff aren't exactly my own personal cheerleading troop :... making a rod for your own back is not cool.
The next nearest college was rather appealing, but on further inspection I doubt it will be possible to go there. It's not the three hours per day travelling I'd have to do, it's the fact it would cost ~£13 a day to just get there and back, a hurdle if there ever was one. I could pay for that with the money from my recent tax rebate but I want to spend that money on something amazing... a trip somewhere, or to various places. (As in spend it on a round the world ticket from BA, then I have the stuff I need, so just pack some stuff in a bag then leave).
It's awful. From day to day I change my mind on all this, almost continuously, it's not a great feeling. I think I'm just too good at cutting stuff out of my life and moving on... it's almost easier than making stuff work, and it's as though reinvention is the way forward. Urghh, I could challenge Bowie on the reinvention front.
---
haha, well I wrote the above last night, then got sidelined rather a lot... so now I'll come back to it.
In the meantime I've been thinking the next nearest college, Exeter, just can't work, I've got to be realistic. That means my only workable option is to persevere with CCP, but I wonder if I'll be able to do another year. What normally happens is I do what I should for the first few months, and the tutors love me, then I drift for the middle bit, and they start getting frustrated (mainly because of the early promise shown, I'm still no worse than anyone else... there's not that much competition). Anyway, then I end up getting pissed off with them, and don't do any work. I can see that happening again :.
I can be far more optimistic about things, to the extent where I'll persevere, if there's people I like around... if that makes sense :|. College would seem like a fine idea, but people have ditched their college plans, and now I'm left with the prospect of having to hang around with a load of people I don't like. URGHH, it sucks a lot. I get on with them, and they'd consider me a friend, but I just find them tedious... I just can't handle how stupid they are, that may sound harsh, but it's just a fact. When I was at my old school there was mental stimulation in the common room, we'd talk about interesting stuff, at this college? Not a chance. I really am dragged down by them.
Even if I stay at CCP I don't know whether to do the student union stuff, there's no one I like on the exec anymore, WHOOP WHOOP :|.
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Oh fuck it, the Sun is shining, I might enjoy that until it rains again.
IPOD
RADIO
I'm basically certain I want to go to uni, but to do that I need to spend another year at college, something I'm unsure whether or not I can face. The local place, CCP, is utterly soul destroying, and the staff aren't exactly my own personal cheerleading troop :... making a rod for your own back is not cool.
The next nearest college was rather appealing, but on further inspection I doubt it will be possible to go there. It's not the three hours per day travelling I'd have to do, it's the fact it would cost ~£13 a day to just get there and back, a hurdle if there ever was one. I could pay for that with the money from my recent tax rebate but I want to spend that money on something amazing... a trip somewhere, or to various places. (As in spend it on a round the world ticket from BA, then I have the stuff I need, so just pack some stuff in a bag then leave).
It's awful. From day to day I change my mind on all this, almost continuously, it's not a great feeling. I think I'm just too good at cutting stuff out of my life and moving on... it's almost easier than making stuff work, and it's as though reinvention is the way forward. Urghh, I could challenge Bowie on the reinvention front.
---
haha, well I wrote the above last night, then got sidelined rather a lot... so now I'll come back to it.
In the meantime I've been thinking the next nearest college, Exeter, just can't work, I've got to be realistic. That means my only workable option is to persevere with CCP, but I wonder if I'll be able to do another year. What normally happens is I do what I should for the first few months, and the tutors love me, then I drift for the middle bit, and they start getting frustrated (mainly because of the early promise shown, I'm still no worse than anyone else... there's not that much competition). Anyway, then I end up getting pissed off with them, and don't do any work. I can see that happening again :.
I can be far more optimistic...