At the end of the day, it's good to have people concerned about you online. I hadn't planned on writing much until I found work and my home situation got a little less shitty but nightvixen, in her own unique way, got me to talk. So thank you sweetie.

Here is our conversation with minimal editing, save the replacing of our screen names. I think this says more about my space and place in time then anything. I hope, soon, to have more to write about. But with a housemistress who is scrrred of you, a work situation that isn't cool and a public transit system doomed to failure, you don't see much sunlight. Add a girl who has issues with being alone and you wanting more space and...well...this is why I've not written much. But soon this will change. I hope.

For now, ciao!

---

Me: hey you
She: here there
She: whats up?
Me: not much. hopefully trying to get work ASAP.
Me: it's a bitch. MARTA sucks.
Me: as you've read.
She: oh no
Me: I'm so not in the right place to write. the new house is comfortable but I think the housemistress wants me to move out.
She: im sorry
Me: but won't just come out and say it.
Me: I'm like only having a third of this month's rent+bills together and it's like 6 days till the end of the month.
Me: and interviewers cancelling job interviews on me because of the bitchass rain doesn't help
Me: <-- sighs
She: oh no
She: *hugs*
She: so sorry
Me: haven't wanted to talk to anyone. that happens a lot when I don't work and shit.
Me: <-- hugs back
Me: we'll get through.
She: i was wondering why you hadnt been around much
She: now i know
She: hang in there sweetie
Me: I'm going to get by.
Me: I hope.
She: so nothing interesting has happened,between all the drama?
Me: not really. had a decent time friday night but still didn't meet girls that much. met freija or however she spells it. a friend of llona's. we went out and lots...

At the end of the day, it's good to have people concerned about you online. I hadn't planned on writing much until I found work and my home situation got a little less shitty but nightvixen, in her own unique way, got me to talk. So thank you sweetie.

Here is our conversation with minimal editing, save the replacing of our screen names. I think this says more about my space and place in time then anything. I hope, soon, to have more to write about. But with a housemistress who is scrrred of you, a work situation that isn't cool and a public transit system doomed to failure, you don't see much sunlight. Add a girl who has issues with being alone and you wanting more space and...well...this is why I've not written much. But soon this will change. I hope.

For now, ciao!

---

Me: hey you
She: here there
She: whats up?
Me: not much. hopefully trying to get work ASAP.
Me: it's a bitch. MARTA sucks.
Me: as you've read.
She: oh no
Me: I'm so not in the right place to write. the new house is comfortable but I think the housemistress wants me to move out.
She: im sorry
Me: but won't just come out and say it.
Me: I'm like only having a third of this month's rent+bills together and it's like 6 days till the end of the month.
Me: and interviewers cancelling job interviews on me because of the bitchass rain doesn't help
Me: <-- sighs
She: oh no
She: *hugs*
She: so sorry
Me: haven't wanted to talk to anyone. that happens a lot when I don't work and shit.
Me: <-- hugs back
Me: we'll get through.
She: i was wondering why you hadnt been around much
She: now i know
She: hang in there sweetie
Me: I'm going to get by.
Me: I hope.
She: so nothing interesting has happened,between all the drama?
Me: not really. had a decent time friday night but still didn't meet girls that much. met freija or however she spells it. a friend of llona's. we went out and lots of dancing happened. wasn't really my scene.
She: ahh
Me: I got a crush online and we're going through issues cause she's an attention whore and I'm not.
She: well what are you really into,i dont think i have ever asked you that
Me: into about social shit or work?
She: what is your ideal woman or date,or even a night out?
Me: my ideal woman is a woman. someone who is womanly. now that takes a lot of different forms but at the end of the day I want someone who is a woman and is proud to be a woman. not like worship the almighty uterus and shit...but just glad to have a vag.
Me: my ideal night out is somewhere where I can become less of a depressed prick and be something else that I am and can be.
Me: truth told, I'd like one good one on one date where the whole feeling out process happens. I'm tired of trying to be on some girl at a party and having to do the duck and dodge.
Me: normally I'm into concerts, shows, things of that nature.
Me: clubs bore me a lot cause so many trend hopping people make me bored out of my mind.
Me: the whole retro thing makes me a bit tired as well cause I'd like to look towards the future not the past.
She: i am the same way,i might go to the club every now and then but it is very rare
She: only when everyone drags me there
Me: truth told, a coffeeshop with good atmosphere often times makes me happier then any place that forced conformity has to happen.
Me: and it's not like the raves I'd like to see happen are happening anymore so that's out,.
Me: the raves I hear about from these old timers who were there and did shit well.
She: it seems like people are so content with their lives here and it bores me i want to be out,see things i love coffeeshops,roastrip being away,i am not happy sitting in a dark room with music blasting out my ear drums.....a perfect day would be driving on the parkway or somewhere some good music and good conversation
Me: agreed.
Me: I want to sit with someone and snuggle and talk on the side of a highway bridge.
She: i cant be happy just going to work and seeing the same faces and then going to a club to talk about work
She: yes
She: how wonderful would that be
She: stopping at little roadside stands.....enjoy the things around me,hell my i am cheesy
She: lol
Me: not really.
Me: it's not cheese if it's something you like.
She: but i know how you feel,its like i want the things and have noone to share it with,i am surrounded by people but i am very alone
Me: exactly. I get so tired of feeling like that.
She: me too
She: *sigh*
Me: and without having work and shit it makes it hard to go on sometimes. I'm going back into the whole sleeping for like 15 hours a day thing.
Me: and that's not healthy either.
She: and its not like i am even looking for somekind of great love or anything just a friend with some common interests
She: no its not healthy
Me: how long you on for?
She: awhile
Me: ok. I'll BBS.
She: ok
Me: bak
She: WB
Me: thx
Me: just tired, you know. plus it's cold. I'm tired of being in very cold houses or cool houses.
Me: having computers and shit makes it necessary to be cold and shit but damn.
Me: it gets hard.
She: its is very cold
She: this cold front isnt going to be around fro long
She: thank god
Me: I hope so.
She: so where all have you been looking for jobs at?
Me: inside the perimeter of the atlanta area. but most of the jobs are posted in the outlying areas.
She: ahh i see
She: i know jobs are hard to find round here....noone is doing to good with all the places closing down
She: so i dont think i will leave mine anytime soon
Me: indeed.
Me: and not driving makes it hard to get work.
She: i can imagine
She: do you think you are going to stay there long
Me: not sure.
She: sorry i am being kinda nosy
Me: no it's alright.
She: so i have taken up photography now,is there any good places around there to shoot
Me: I will, be posting this interview on the site. the names will be taken out but the chat is going to be preserved.
Me: lots.
Me: the MARTA line alone has a lot of interesting spots to shoot on.
She: nice
Me: long landscapes and shit/
She: what kind o finterview
She: of*
Me: seeing urban gentrification from the countryside.
Me: just this chat.
She: ahh
Me: it'll give folks a better view of what the hell is going on with me instead of me wrting a true entry.
She: oh ok
She: everytime i try to post i seem to go blank...not that anyone really cares what i ahve to say
She: lol
Me: indeed.
She: so do you feel like talking about this"online crush"you mentioned?
Me: a little.
She: im all ears
Me: what would you like to know?
She: how did the whole thing get started?
She: or where did you meet
Me: we met on gothic personals and we're just talking on the phone and online a little.
She: ahh
Me: we're talking on the phone a lot.
She: is she local
Me: she's an attention whore a lot, though. and that bothers me a lot.
She: i have met afew like that
She: rather not deal with them
Me: she's local in that she's like 4 hours away.
Me: the thing is, she's interesting as a person but I'm not sure now if I want to be her man or just be her friend.
She: oh i see
She: that would be hard,if she craves attention that much then how will you fit in
She: right?
She: i mean if she wants it from others as well.....err that is how i am taken it?
Me: not so much that. she's just all about having her ego stroked and to talk and call her all the time and shit.
She: oh
Me: and I'd prefer to call like once a day and just check in and whatnot.
She: understands
Me: I need attention but I need my space a lot more and she doesn't understand that.
She: is she always calling you and checking in all of the time
Me: plus she's a tomboy a lot and self conscious about her body and how people percieve her and want her and shit.
Me: just calling me a lot cause she's alone a lot of the time.
She: and with everything else going on right now,i know that has to bother you
She: tomboys are fun sometimes
She: lol
Me: it does cause I'm a hermit a lot.
She: hermit
She: lol
Me: they can be...but I want a woman.
She: true
Me: I want a woman who wants to be a woman. she identifies as being more male then woman but she's keeping her vagina cause she likes fucking with men's heads. she'll hit guys and they won't hit her back. me, i told her that she'll never hit me cause I WILL judo throw and lock her ass to make her stop.
Me: I don't like hitting of any sorts cause it's just not right.
She: hahahaha
She: i know
Me: especially male/female shit. women cannot and should not use the whole 'you can't hit me cause I'm a girl' thing to their advantage cause there are men like me who will.
Me: and not feel bad about it.
Me: therefore, I'd like it to just stop entirely.
She: hey i think if you can dish it out then you can take back as well
Me: keep all hands to one's self, even and especially in play.
Me: true. but how many people are willing to go all the way with that?
She: did she say she liked fucken with mens heads?
Me: not so much fucking but having the 'girl power' thing.
She: is that all she think that is all there is to being a woman?
She: geez,i love being a woman,and not for head games or "girl power"
She: its just great
Me: the thing is, she's so burnt on being a girl that she'd rather be a guy.
Me: but she wants male female things to happen.
She: ahhhhhh
Me: it's just hard and shit. I'm looking for a woman and she's not but she is someone I could be friends with. I'm just not sure I could be lovers with her.
She: i understand that
She: maybe being friends would be best
She: but i dont know the entire situation,maybe i could be wrong
Me: I'm going to talk to her about that.
Me: she also likes to be all about the self made drama and I'm not about that.
She: oh no
She: everything has to be something right
Me: not bad drama...but she'll all be whiny and shit when I want to leave.
She: that would drive me crazy
She: she sounds very alone
She: well sweetie,i really dont know what to tell you,i have'nt ever been in a situation like that before
Me: I'm just taking it easy or as easy as I can.
She: best thing to do
Me: yup. just wanting to find work and find people.
She: well im here anytime you feel like takling
She: i will be comming to ATL soon like i said in your journal
Me: when?
She: we should met up,have lunch or something
Me: we should. I want to.
She: that would be nice
She: not this weekend but the next i am thinking
She: ill know for sure by the end of this week
She: and will let you know
Me: sweet.
She: well sweetie,i guess i am going to take a long hot bath,but i will be back online later
Me: okie. later.
She: bye
Me: bye