Again... spending night time at unversity in front of a mac. Have to get something finished... and it has to be great and it will be great. Ignoring the first course this morning... I had an amazing day. But I don't like the professor, I think he is not able to teach You anything... but I don't care. Since my big love left me, I broke with a few people. They were putting to much negative energy into me for too long. But had it really be such a high price, losing the first girl I could say to 'I love You!'. If I tried it early to say it to someone, something in me blocked. I could not say it... not being unfair with these other girls, they all influenced me in a positive way. But being kicked down by the loss of my love, made me think about myself. Putting away all negative... finding back to me, finding back to the way I am. You can't believe how great it feels and what great reaction I get from my surrounding. But the price I had o pay is too high!! I miss her... will always. One thing for me is sure, I will wait for her, for ever... I think she never knew how much she meant to me. I know it was me ruining this with my lack of self-confidence, cause it was easier for me to look after the problems of others then to deal with my fears... I'm not hidding anymore, going forward with every step. I feel free now to do what ever I want... and my heart keeps beating for her.

Again... spending night time at unversity in front of a mac. Have to get something finished... and it has to be great and it will be great. Ignoring the first course this morning... I had an amazing day. But I don't like the professor, I think he is not able to teach You anything... but I don't care. Since my big love left me, I broke with a few people. They were putting to much negative energy into me for too long. But had it really be such a high price, losing the first girl I could say to 'I love You!'. If I tried it early to say it to someone, something in me blocked. I could not say it... not being unfair with these other girls, they all influenced me in a positive way. But being kicked down by the loss of my love, made me think about myself. Putting away all negative... finding back to me, finding back to the way I am. You can't believe how great it feels and what great reaction I get from my surrounding. But the price I had o pay is too high!! I miss her... will always. One thing for me is sure, I will wait for her, for ever... I think she never knew how much she meant to me. I know it was me ruining this with my lack of self-confidence, cause it was easier for me to look after the problems of others then to deal with my fears... I'm not hidding anymore, going forward with every step. I feel free now to do what ever I want... and my heart keeps beating for her.