OK, here's your problem as I see it. Every time a situation slipped through your hands you'd medicate your loss with drugs, or alcohol, but the problem here is...you don't smoke anymore and you only drink on weekends so you're left with your thoughts. It's not companionship you lack, you have plenty of friends and when you want to be you're very pleasant and able to talk to women. The problem here is, you're still young but getting older. You see older wiser people ending 20 year marriages over tiny imperfections leaving children out in the cold or the possibility of having their own kids slowly slipping away as father time and mother-nature take their natural course. You can't stop or slow down time, you can't sit in cruise control for years on end. That's why your friends in their early twenties started investing in RRSP's and high stake bonds. Life as you see it for your friends is going swell, with good relationships, solid cash flow and career paths. You're sick of looking at your reflection in the mirror and seeing a failure. You cringe when you explain what your job is so you lie to make it look a little better. You school on the weekends trying to cram in courses that you'll need for a new job which is likely going to close by the time school is done for you and you'll be stuck at an entry level position for another 3 or 4 years making 15 bucks an hour wondering if you've made the right choice. You only get one shot at life and now that you're in your early to mid twenties you start to wonder if you're going to make anything of it at all. "But you're still young" doesn't ring true anymore. "Love can wait, your time is now" is fading more and more as the sun sets on another year. But you don't want to rush your decision and settle on the first piece of hot ass that comes walking your way, so you get picky. You've paid your dues. You've...

OK, here's your problem as I see it. Every time a situation slipped through your hands you'd medicate your loss with drugs, or alcohol, but the problem here is...you don't smoke anymore and you only drink on weekends so you're left with your thoughts. It's not companionship you lack, you have plenty of friends and when you want to be you're very pleasant and able to talk to women. The problem here is, you're still young but getting older. You see older wiser people ending 20 year marriages over tiny imperfections leaving children out in the cold or the possibility of having their own kids slowly slipping away as father time and mother-nature take their natural course. You can't stop or slow down time, you can't sit in cruise control for years on end. That's why your friends in their early twenties started investing in RRSP's and high stake bonds. Life as you see it for your friends is going swell, with good relationships, solid cash flow and career paths. You're sick of looking at your reflection in the mirror and seeing a failure. You cringe when you explain what your job is so you lie to make it look a little better. You school on the weekends trying to cram in courses that you'll need for a new job which is likely going to close by the time school is done for you and you'll be stuck at an entry level position for another 3 or 4 years making 15 bucks an hour wondering if you've made the right choice. You only get one shot at life and now that you're in your early to mid twenties you start to wonder if you're going to make anything of it at all. "But you're still young" doesn't ring true anymore. "Love can wait, your time is now" is fading more and more as the sun sets on another year. But you don't want to rush your decision and settle on the first piece of hot ass that comes walking your way, so you get picky. You've paid your dues. You've been fucked over and fucked over a few yourself. You're not proud of what you've done in the past but no one ever lies on their death bed and says "I regret fucking her..." because it's been done, there's no rewind, and there's definitely no time to think about it as death's cold hand swipes your eyes shut one last time. I know you're scared, and that things seem bleak. The cold pillow beside you in the mornings is a bothersome thing, but thinking back to the body that used to occupy that spot in your bed and heart brings upon feelings of gut-wrenching anger and hatred. Sure it still hurts a little, that's fine, and if your friends don't see why it still does then to hell with them for now because you need some you time. Going back to exes never helps, it only puts a band-aid over the situation. Not the good kind that come off in one swipe, the crappy kind that leave that sticky stuff behind to gather dirt and lint from various places. You hate burning bridges so you cling to past experiences and lives that should be buried and moved on from. You wonder why certain people in your cell don't call anymore, but are stumped when people who shouldn't call still do. Don't they get the hint? What it really boils down to, is that in your life, no one can ever take away what you truly feel was the right decision for you. That's why so many kids run away to Hollywood to make it big, or to Greenpeace to save the whales, or to the army to kill a terrorist. It's not what your parents, friends and extended family members would have done, or what they want for you, but you know it's right and that it fits. But you're not a soldier, or an actor, or a crazy vegetarian hippie that has a hard on for trees. You're just confused, and I promise it gets easier, it truly does but it's not something you can rush. So sit back, enjoy, but don't relax too much and get stuck in a rut, because the next think you know, life will pass you by and you'll be left wondering how you let time slip through your fingers and if it's too late to start...



...again