into: I know what I'm not into, and that's women... wait... no I wish I weren't into women, cuz then my life would be a lot easier... No I'm into guitars, music, and... uh... cows.

makes me happy: Adderall makes me happy... Making other people makes me happy. Helping other people makes me happy... Umm... Playing guitar makes me happy.... Killing seals makes me happy.... I mean euthanizing sick or elderly seals makes me happy... because I'm relieving them from their suffering! I'd never hurt a cutesy wootsy wittoo seow

makes me sad: Married people cheating on eachother... Sluts, Phonies, Assholes, Bitches, Humanity, Religion, uh... Fuck... my house... Yeah, you get the point. Pretty much everything that wasn't listed in "Makes me happy"

5 things i can't live without: My brain, My heart, energy, my butt, and... uh... my.. uhh.... butt.

vices: I blurt out weird shit at inappropriate moments.

thoughts on sg: I love it

occupation: Professional Pig Diarrhea

current crush: UM... *thinking...* Lambchop.

stats: WTF MATE?!

body mods: Well, back in Nam (the fabric store down the street, not the war) I had this woman sew a pocket into my neck, so that I would have a permanent place to keep my change... No more fondeling around with change purses FOR ME! HAH!

gets me hot: Being doused in gasoline and lit on fire... or maybe being catapulted into the sun... I can imagine that'd get pretty fucking hot.

favorite position: ALPINE SKIING.

fantasy: Okay, I walk into a starbucks, and Howard Schulz is sitting there drinking a cup of coffee, and he stands up and says, "OH MY GOD! I JUST REALIZED I'M A DUSCHE! I NEED TO STOP BRAINWASHING MY EMPLOYEES INTO THINKING THEY WORK FOR SOME AWESOME AND UBER-ETHICAL CORPORATION!" then he sits down and thinks for a minute, "ON SECOND THOUGHT! I THINK I'LL JUST TAKE A BUNCH OF MY MONEY AND GIVE THE COMPANY TO THIS MAN!" he points to me, "YES! THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO." He signs a contract or whatever to make the starbucks corporation legally mine. Then, since I have no idea how to be a business man, I sell the corporation to Caribou Coffee for like 10 million dollars. Then I take my 10 million dollars, and buy a big house in San Francisco, and say, "Alright all you cool homeless punks, you can live here." and the only rule we'd have in our little anarchist community would be "hey don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you." The End.

sign: Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning To Work!

most humbling moment: This one time me and my buddy steve were walking home from a bar, and I was all like, "hey steve... have you ever dated a chimp before?" he just looked up at me blankly. and i continued, "cuz I never dated a chimp..." The end.

i lost my virginity: hmmm well I have had sex many many times, but only with one partner. They were good times :) But that's all in the past now, so I shall be movingon.