thanks to ola.... my parting gift to you all will be...

20 things you may not know about me.... and you're probably going to wish i didn't tell you about.

1. my other car is a hearse. i would drive it more if gas wasn't so fucking expensive. i look out the window of my condo every day & wish i could take it everywhere. parking is also a bitch too... it's not exactly as practical as my 95 geo prism putt-putt.

2. i graduated from Yale in 2001 on what was nearly a full scholarship.

3. i hate children and 98% of mammalian pets. not all of them, but the thought of my OWN just bugs me out. i am too overconcerned that i'd neglect them somehow and choose to leave the whole business alone. the one pet i had and loved was my goldfish Barrel. i had breakfast with him nearly every day for four years. he outlasted three relationships. i cried for weeks when he died two years ago, and have not been able to bring myself to get another fish since. i carried his picture in my wallet.

4. i once weighed nearly 300lbs. then one day in 2002, i woke up decided not to.

5. i went to the high school depicted in the "lean on me" movie. it sucked as much as you might imagine.

6. i am very heavily tattooed, and hardly ever wear anything that reveals them, mainly because i HATE being gawked at.

7. my power animal is the manatee.

8.i was in a horrible car accident in 1996 that should have killed me.

9. as a result of number 8, i spent nearly two years learning how to walk without a major limp and speak without a stutter. i will also never, for some reason, be able to speak a foreign language, as that part of my brain is no longer functioning. that last part irks the shit out of me, but you'd never guess the rest of it until you're trying to get a good night's sleep in bed next to me on a night before it rains. then i'm in too much back pain to sleep, and life sucks ass.

10. my mom and brother are seriously mentally ill, and i haven't seen nor heard a word from my dad in well over a decade.

11. i am a total tomboy about everything except my hair. i will wear a pair of jeans for two weeks or until they become smelly and/or unrecognizable.... but i drive to stamford every fucking six weeks to pay out the ass and make sure my coiffure is in order.

12. i much prefer people around to being alone, even though i've lived "alone" for 7 years.

13. i have been a chronic masturbator since age 7. and i do mean chronic.

14. i once tried to grow my armpit hair out until i couldn't take it anymore. it looked like i had a hamster in a headlock. i hate my armpit hair.

15. i am totally compulsive about time and scheduling and planning. i like to know what's coming. i'm not big on unexpected things popping up to foil my plans. i've been nicknamed "the travel nazi" by anyone who has ever vacationed with me.

16. one of my biggest goals is to be just well-off enough so i never have to dust, sweep, mop, or clean a bathroom ever again. i will achieve this at all costs. i hate to clean, but filth disgusts me. i drive myself nuts.

17. up until about 20 years old, i was a total fucking wreck... emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Yale and my first great love saved my life & helped me heal. i could not imagine where my life might have taken me without them both.

18. i am a violent sleeper that steals every square inch of the covers, tosses and turns, has nightmares, and drools like a mastiff. as if that wasn't bad enough... i have long, flat, narrow feet like ice cubes.

19. i achieved everything i ever wanted to in life by age 25 (except the cleaning person from #16).
then i had to think up a whole new set of stuff to do.

20. i would be perfectly happy is thanksgiving and christmas were cancelled forever, but if i had to choose between sex and halloween, i'd probably just kill myself.