age: 33 (Jun 20, 1979)
MEMBER SINCE: January 2010
occupation: Bona fide hustla makin my name.
sign: Gemini
i lost my virginity: Yes. I did.
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[originally posted on my blog, 12/23/10: thought I'd share it here...]
Last night I sent out a tweet saying “Sometimes I feel very, very alone.”
I got a lot of replies to that tweet, which is touching really. There are some people who honestly do care, and for that I’m grateful. But I felt the need to clarify with a follow up tweet: “Feeling alone doesn’t necessarily mean I’m sad you guys. It just means I’m feeling alone. Because mostly, I am. And ultimately, we all are.”
A few people said things like “You’re never alone. Just smile!”. Though I appreciate the sentiment, that is just simply not true. Jesus doesn’t carry me when there’s just one set of footprints in the sand. There’s one set of footprints because we’re walking alone.
Essentially I really am alone. I’m 31 years old, unmarried, no kids. Officially single for 3 years now. I have a strained relationship with most of my family and I always have. Honestly, it’s better off for me with distance between us. I was emancipated when I was 15 years old. On my own = alone. This is nothing new.
Is there something wrong with this? Hell no. It is what it is. I love my alone time. In fact, I love it so much that I really don’t go out much anymore. I’m weary of new people in my life. I like the way things are and I don’t want anyone coming along to mess it up and bring chaos. I do not miss the chaos. I’ve gone out of my way to rid my life of a lot of people that used to be fixtures over the past few years. I don’t have the patience or the energy to deal with Other People’s Bull Shit that I used to have. I don’t feel the same need to save the lost as I used to. I’m too busy saving myself.
Those who have remained are people I can count on. People I don’t have to question (much). People who are there for me and give a shit. I’m lucky there are so many, really, left since the great purge.
Do I get lonely? Of course I do. Who doesn’t? The holidays...
Last night I sent out a tweet saying “Sometimes I feel very, very alone.”
I got a lot of replies to that tweet, which is touching really. There are some people who honestly do care, and for that I’m grateful. But I felt the need to clarify with a follow up tweet: “Feeling alone doesn’t necessarily mean I’m sad you guys. It just means I’m feeling alone. Because mostly, I am. And ultimately, we all are.”
A few people said things like “You’re never alone. Just smile!”. Though I appreciate the sentiment, that is just simply not true. Jesus doesn’t carry me when there’s just one set of footprints in the sand. There’s one set of footprints because we’re walking alone.
Essentially I really am alone. I’m 31 years old, unmarried, no kids. Officially single for 3 years now. I have a strained relationship with most of my family and I always have. Honestly, it’s better off for me with distance between us. I was emancipated when I was 15 years old. On my own = alone. This is nothing new.
Is there something wrong with this? Hell no. It is what it is. I love my alone time. In fact, I love it so much that I really don’t go out much anymore. I’m weary of new people in my life. I like the way things are and I don’t want anyone coming along to mess it up and bring chaos. I do not miss the chaos. I’ve gone out of my way to rid my life of a lot of people that used to be fixtures over the past few years. I don’t have the patience or the energy to deal with Other People’s Bull Shit that I used to have. I don’t feel the same need to save the lost as I used to. I’m too busy saving myself.
Those who have remained are people I can count on. People I don’t have to question (much). People who are there for me and give a shit. I’m lucky there are so many, really, left since the great purge.
Do I get lonely? Of course I do. Who doesn’t? The holidays...
OCTOBER 2012
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