I was listening to a song by Joanna Newson I think it was in someones car on the way home tonite and was reminded of a very interesting period of my life. But I think I'll just post the short of it.

I rememeber once it was a girl that I really wanted to be with to the point where I said to myself this is who I'm suppose to... Be with right now. So I called her up and said I have to see you tonight with her responds being but it raining really hard right now. So I could'nt help it I had to see her so (since at the time I had no car) I ran over her house in the rain. All the time thinking about when we meet. Because she said I kind of have a boyfriend, then I sort of have a boyfriend, to I don't have a boyfriend.

When I got to her house soaked with a with a rose in my hand that was druping from the pouring rain she slowly let me in. I said how I felt. I told her that we should be together. .. With that she said I got back together with my boyfriend. That was the first time my knees got weak, not from exhaustion. She huged me I could'nt raise my arms to meet her embrace. She spoke but. Every thing she said after that moment I could not comprehend.

I walked back in a monsoon looking at the ground for a heart that I left at her door step. For years to come after that rain I felt it was my duty to be the as evil to women as I could fathom. Until I meet someone.

She was as nice as some girl I could remember. But she did'nt like me. It did'nt throw me into a funk put it made me realize that just because someone does'nt like me. Don't mean they are'nt good people. It made me think even more was it her that made me run through the rain or the idea of being with her. I know what my chances where and I fucking craped out. And no I did'nt run through the rain drunk (truth be told I did't start drinking until about a year ago)

But to this day I still run through the rain for a idea and not a person.

Sad To leave. Even sader to be back. New York was alot of insanly long hours for shitty. Shitty pay. I think I ended up breaking even. Not really drinking my check, but always looking up and saying what the fuck happend that hundred dollor bill. And then saying it more than two nights in a row and then repeating. But I gotta find a way back to NYC. I love the feeling I get there. I've been home for like 3 or 4 days and I've already had a black out drunk day. But whatever this is the now.

No matter how good lookin the girl is, if someone offers you a Demon egg for supper decline.

Off to NYC for a few weeks.

Surprizingly enough the normal winter on slot of bordom has been keep down a lot lower than what I expected. I've had a great week and a half. Got to go to the museum with my Mom. Painted my first ah painted. Puked only like once so far(and made to the toliet this time). I've almost got my motorcycle started again. Finally got my dad to say a motorcycle trip cross country might be cool.

I am Jacks raging boredom.
I am Jacks inablity to get a good night sleep.
I am Jacks lack of fun.

I have a strange question for those who want to answer it.
Has anyone went to bed so drunk that you where still drunk in your dream?

Winter seems to be serving up another lonley bitter drunken Monday mornings followed by Tuesdays I can't remember and so on and so forth during the week the month the season. Damn you Chicago I hate and love you so much.

Last night was the first time in a long time that I actual talked to a girl and went home with her. Instead of the normal smile and knod. Not a bad night. But it was a hung over morning though.

The past couple of day have been great. I started deleteing names out of my phone (alot of ladies that will piss me off for the last time). The weekend was great though I spent time with a couple of old friends got to see one of my favorite bands "The Detroit City Cobras" the show was good but the people in Chicago suck. Nobody dances at concerts. But whatever I had ah blast. Of coarse I paid for it this morning.

Today I did'nt wash did'nt leave the house. Just walk around the apartment with a bathrobe on and boxer -briefs and sock. And it rocked.

Something I was thinking about the other day that brought more then a frown to my face. Almost every time I've had sex with someone I meet at a bar I never say anything past hello and smile and nod. Not to say that I always want to sit down and just gab my fuckin mouth off all day.

But it kind of sucks knowing that your words are kind of a turn off.