SuicideGirls > Girls

Salliss was in the middle of something she forgets now.

I’m private

gender: SG

age: 21 (Mar 22, 1987)

occupation: Manic Impressive

i lost my virginity: Has anyone seen it?

fantasy: Is often a really bad genre of film.

heroes: Superman, Spiderman, Wonderwoman, Batman... can't be bothered to think of any more. Is this a test?

sign: Pisces/Aries

into: Smoking lots of cigarettes, sleeping, photos, dancing, drinking, WoW, gaming, bitching, drawing, acting, smiling, cuddling, my rats, kicking things, makeup, hair, fashion.

stats: 5'4", thin, blue eyes, black hair, no those ears aren't real, size 8 (that's 4 US), 32C/D, size 5 feets.

gets me hot: Fire, central heating, the sun, thermal underwear, sunbeds, saunas, warm baths, warm showers, hot chocolate.

body mods: Two stars on my back, 6 ear piercings and one lip piercing (actually 7 ears but one closed up), starry swirly thing down my left arm, star on my right hip/stomach/whatever, anime version of myself on right top arm. Oh and a scar on my hand where I thought a cabinet piercing would look really cool. (That's where you take a cabinet and put it through your hand. Either that or I wanted to be Jesus and tried to crucify myself.)

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Thursday

JULY 24, 2008 @ 07:27 AM | 5 COMMENTS

Some days, especially nowadays, I wish I was dead. I wish it to the point of planning it. The only guy I wished to marry my whole life and the person I care about most in my whole world is slipping away from me. I've never lost something I want so much. Dealing with the pain is difficult to the point of impossible. I feel like I'm floating away and watching my world crumble around me. Everything I see, hear, touch, smell and taste remind me of exactly what I'm losing. It hurts so much that I don't want to try. I should be angry at him and should hate him and move on. I can't. I love him. I love him with everything I am, was and will be. I can live without him, and I can move on, but the hurt of losing him will never leave me. I feel lost and confused, but it's more than that. I've been so absent. Every day I try to snap out of it, figure out why I have no motivation. But I can't. I dropped everything to be with him. Friends, family... not that my family were ever really there for me. Until the age of eight I was brought up by my sister, who was... is... ten years older than me. After she left I guess I wasn't particularly important. My little sister needed looking after. Only recently has my Dad started opening up to me. When I leave here, going to my parents' will be hell. I'd rather be on the street.

Give me time and I'll be fine.
Or maybe, give me back what's mine.

Bronte

San Francisco, CA

August 2005

JUL 24, 2008 07:57 AM

As you say, give you time and you'll be fine. Just don't be too proud to ask for help from your friends. I mean your "RL" friends. Spend the day with them...take some pictures...level and alt. Anything that will prevent you from stewing and/or get you out of the house is good.

The sad thing about family, is that most people only feel tied to them out of obligation. When you leave, I'm sure you have some friends who would let you "sofa surf" with them until you get back out on your own. If going back to the 'rents is really and truly "hell." then why do that to yourself? Seriously.

DownedCity

Bethesda, MD

May 2007

JUL 24, 2008 08:05 AM

I've felt that way about a girl before. and it has now passed. so be strong and give it time.

mat8drb

United Kingdom

October 2004

JUL 24, 2008 11:58 AM

I'm not going to say anything as trite as "there's plenty more fish in the sea" because there isn't.

Giving it time won't necessary heal it, but you've got plenty more to experience. Throwing it all away would be wrong and you know it. If you want to talk before you leave, let me know. You could also make sure you're coming out with us this weekend (clicky). It may take your mind off things for a little bit.