Relations
.
Relation to the past,
to the biological,
to the immediate.
Recently tracked down my ex stepfather,
Haven't seen him since i was about 18, 19, so that's about 19 years. At first he wrote that he had found religion and a new life and expanded on his passions. I had poured my heart out to him letting him know that i held no grudges for the dysfunctions that i witnessed and that I took a lot of positive elements from the years he treated me as his own, and that it helped shape the person i am today. I tried to put his mind at ease. He responded more than lightly.
I was dissapointed.
I stopped communicating.
then a month or so passed and he asked if i lost his contact info and or if he did anything to offend me.
I responded that i was nonplussed by his response to my laying all my guts on the table for him and that i had expected more of a personal response from the man i once knew as compassionate and responsible.
He apologized for his this response. Now would like to catch up and keep the lines of communication open.
I also recently found a biological brother of mine.
I have a couple of biological siblings that i have never met.
I am the Illegitimate child of a man that use to be the head of the Chinese Mafia ( Free Mason )in my home state.
Not only did i find this brothers contact info, but i also found his picture.
Of course i am looking for similarities in facial features. I am not really looking to build a relationship so much as i am looking for 2 things.
Family Health history, and any information on my father. things that stand out aside from his past occupation. was he neat? when did he come to the states? was he artistic? was he a lefty or a righty? little things that we build our identities from. He's digesting my email right now, and will get back to me. I guess it would be a shock to have a sister or brother come out of the blue.
To accept that your parent had not taken responsibility for other children. To realize that you are the lucky one or not the lucky one to have had the relationship during the years when it's most needed.
He needs time to let that sink in, And I'm fine with that.
My Mother,
I recently visited my Mom, she lives only a few miles from me, we talk almost daily about nothing, more so checking in with each other.
She's a chain smoker,
despite growing up in a house hold of smokers i hate smoke.
I hate to visit her because i wreak of tobacco when i leave. I go in one door and straight out the back to her little yard and sit. She seems to be aging more and more. He face tells such a story of past tragedies. As much as i shoot people portraits, It had never dawned on me to shoot my mothers.
I was saddened by her face and the obvious reality of mortality. Yet inspired to capture it.
I am the daughter of Call Girl.
Not the kind that walk the streets. The kind that runs a business out of a home or an apartment. That is the not even the worst part of my mothers life.
I'll save those details for my Auto biography.
As i decide i want to shoot my mother's portraits i also know in my head while she is talking to me or rather repeating stories that depress me, and i somewhat zone out, that i can't shoot my mother on my digital camera. NO I have to shoot her Old school,
She deserves better, more hearty, more concrete, More classic.
I decided to bid and buy off of eBay an old Medium format Camera. A Bronica SQ A.
I have yet to tell my mother of my plans. I first would like to wait for my new camera to arrive.
Funny how shit lands in your lap all at once.
Ya this is really personal, But that's how I Roll.
.
Relation to the past,
to the biological,
to the immediate.
Recently tracked down my ex stepfather,
Haven't seen him since i was about 18, 19, so that's about 19 years. At first he wrote that he had found religion and a new life and expanded on his passions. I had poured my heart out to him letting him know that i held no grudges for the dysfunctions that i witnessed and that I took a lot of positive elements from the years he treated me as his own, and that it helped shape the person i am today. I tried to put his mind at ease. He responded more than lightly.
I was dissapointed.
I stopped communicating.
then a month or so passed and he asked if i lost his contact info and or if he did anything to offend me.
I responded that i was nonplussed by his response to my laying all my guts on the table for him and that i had expected more of a personal response from the man i once knew as compassionate and responsible.
He apologized for his this response. Now would like to catch up and keep the lines of communication open.
I also recently found a biological brother of mine.
I have a couple of biological siblings that i have never met.
I am the Illegitimate child of a man that use to be the head of the Chinese Mafia ( Free Mason )in my home state.
Not only did i find this brothers contact info, but i also found his picture.
Of course i am looking for similarities in facial features. I am not really looking to build a relationship so much as i am looking for 2 things.
Family Health history, and any information on my father. things that stand out aside from his past occupation. was he neat? when did he come to the states? was he artistic? was he a lefty or a righty? little things that we build our identities from. He's digesting my email right now, and will get back to me. I guess it would be a shock to have a sister or brother come out of the blue.
To accept that your parent had not taken responsibility for other children. To realize that you are the lucky one or not the lucky one to have had the relationship during the years when it's most needed.
He needs time to let that sink in, And I'm fine with that.
My Mother,
I recently visited my Mom, she lives only a few miles from me, we talk almost daily about nothing, more so checking in with each other.
She's a chain smoker,
despite growing up in a house hold of smokers i hate smoke.
I hate to visit her because i wreak of tobacco when i leave. I go in one door and straight out the back to her little yard and sit. She seems to be aging more and more. He face tells such a story of past tragedies. As much as i shoot people portraits, It had never dawned on me to shoot my mothers.
I was saddened by her face and the obvious reality of mortality. Yet inspired to capture it.
I am the daughter of Call Girl.
Not the kind that walk the streets. The kind that runs a business out of a home or an apartment. That is the not even the worst part of my mothers life.
I'll save those details for my Auto biography.
As i decide i want to shoot my mother's portraits i also know in my head while she is talking to me or rather repeating stories that depress me, and i somewhat zone out, that i can't shoot my mother on my digital camera. NO I have to shoot her Old school,
She deserves better, more hearty, more concrete, More classic.
I decided to bid and buy off of eBay an old Medium format Camera. A Bronica SQ A.
I have yet to tell my mother of my plans. I first would like to wait for my new camera to arrive.
Funny how shit lands in your lap all at once.
Ya this is really personal, But that's how I Roll.
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