I constantly find myself asking the same question over and over again...

"What is wrong with me?"

*rant*
Once again, I find myself in one of the most familiar situations where Im left out of a relationship where I gave almost every peice of myself to the other person and still wallow in a mode of an over-thinking, upsetting funk. I'm so tired of this feeling and it sounds so simple to say it, but It's so depressing not to be happy.

I've just watched my ex cry over someone else twice in the last 24 hours. How do you think that makes me feel? Not even a month after we break up (mind you, were still living together) and he's hurting more over someone else than I feel as he never did with me. I always feel as if Im so easily pushed to the side. I'm THAT replacable.

Is it a self defense mechanism that leads my ex boyfriends into the arms of some other girl that doesnt care nearly as much as I, however will satisfy them (in a sense) more than I could, but was willing to try? Doesnt that count? Shouldn't that be enough? I was willing to try. I did everything I possibly could have to save every relationship I was involved in, but still... I end up at the end of the line where other people are consistently skipping ahead.

NOTE: This isnt directed to just one particular person.

I feel almost indifferent towards the whole 'love' thing in general. My out look on relationships and even sex has changed completely. I'm no longer there.

Tonight I went out in an attempt to have a good time, with my ex who is infact a good friend of mine now, and resolted in us leaving after an hour because I couldnt hang. I thought it would have been okay... I thought I would have been fine. However, slipping out of the bathroom and stumbling apon that girl that he's cried over multiple times and viewing him looking at her the way he used to look at me... I cant deny it, but it hurt.
Im not pissed.
Im upset.
It hurts only because that used to be me and I was as easily replaced as a new pair...

I constantly find myself asking the same question over and over again...

"What is wrong with me?"

*rant*
Once again, I find myself in one of the most familiar situations where Im left out of a relationship where I gave almost every peice of myself to the other person and still wallow in a mode of an over-thinking, upsetting funk. I'm so tired of this feeling and it sounds so simple to say it, but It's so depressing not to be happy.

I've just watched my ex cry over someone else twice in the last 24 hours. How do you think that makes me feel? Not even a month after we break up (mind you, were still living together) and he's hurting more over someone else than I feel as he never did with me. I always feel as if Im so easily pushed to the side. I'm THAT replacable.

Is it a self defense mechanism that leads my ex boyfriends into the arms of some other girl that doesnt care nearly as much as I, however will satisfy them (in a sense) more than I could, but was willing to try? Doesnt that count? Shouldn't that be enough? I was willing to try. I did everything I possibly could have to save every relationship I was involved in, but still... I end up at the end of the line where other people are consistently skipping ahead.

NOTE: This isnt directed to just one particular person.

I feel almost indifferent towards the whole 'love' thing in general. My out look on relationships and even sex has changed completely. I'm no longer there.

Tonight I went out in an attempt to have a good time, with my ex who is infact a good friend of mine now, and resolted in us leaving after an hour because I couldnt hang. I thought it would have been okay... I thought I would have been fine. However, slipping out of the bathroom and stumbling apon that girl that he's cried over multiple times and viewing him looking at her the way he used to look at me... I cant deny it, but it hurt.
Im not pissed.
Im upset.
It hurts only because that used to be me and I was as easily replaced as a new pair of socks.

I feel like a sock.








I'm constantly the rock for other people. I keep you steady. I keep you calm. I keep you collected. It's time for someone to be the rock for me because I'm too tired.
I'm exhausted.

Actually, I take that back. I just have no ambition.