NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #107

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #107

We’re down to the second to last Asshole Fuckface Roundup of all time. I’ve been called up to the big leagues. Asshole Fuckfaces will no longer be my business. This makes today the 7th worst day in world history. Tomorrow will be the 6th and you can probably see a pattern developing. So, hold on to your assholes, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some Ohio Asshole Fuckfacing.

Meet Ohio State Representative John Adams. He believes women’s bodies belong to men, like property. Women should obviously have no say in what they want in their pathetic lives.

Can’t see any problem with that. It’s just a well thought out policy.

That’s because it’s not growing in his torso and coming out of his vagina.

A worthy use of government. Also, if the father is located, the woman will be branded with his name on her forehead. Oh, and I loved the book, The Handmaid's Tale. Thanks for the reminder.

Or to move out of Ohio. Dear John Adams, you are sub-human.

Next up, more racist Republican Asshole Fuckfacery.

As I wrote the day Obama was elected, racist Republican nonsense will continue to spew forth every day Obama is in office. Republicans, or, as they are often called, “rich, white people,” believe their racist jokes are something everyone does. They believe it’s just our common language and they will continue sending offensive jokes and twitters until he leaves office. It’s who they are. They don't know any better.

First, we’ll start with Atwater, California City Council member Gary Frago. Gary’s big on sending out hilarious emails about President Obama and his wife.

She’s black, by the way. I mean, if you missed the hilarity, National Geographic is known for publishing photos of bare-chested African women, or, at least they did in the ‘50s.

Obviously, Gary has a big future in politics, but he’s not the worst racist emailer of the week. No, that honor goes to Dr. David McKalip. Dr. David is the founder of the right-wing, anti-health reform group Doctors For Patient Freedom. He’s one of the doctors the GOP is taking out for talks to explain to Americans why health care reform is bad.

Good stuff. He also sent out this image of Obama as a witch doctor this week.

Hell yeah. It’s impossible to make that point without putting a bone in the president’s nose. Impossible.

Next up, more Republican Asshole Fuckfacery.

The Republicans have whipped up their talking points to stop health care reform. Here's the highlight:

So, health insurance that will control care, treatments, medicines and even what doctors a patient may see? Um, that’s exactly what we have now. So, good point? Oh, and there's more.

It’s a good thing we haven’t had, like, 60 years to think about it. In actuality, it needs to be a rush job. Why? Because 5 million Americans have lost their insurance since September. Because 16% of Americans over the age of 18 have no health insurance. That’s actually something you should deal with fast, not slow. Oh, and 70% of Americans want a public plan.

The only reason Republicans want to “slow it down” is because they want more time to come up with lies to spread across the airwaves to defeat health care reform. And they have no plan. No plan.

Finally, some pot Asshole Fuckfacery.

With all that is going on in our country, it amazing we continue our war on drugs, specifically marijuana. Currently, law enforcement officials are conducting “Operation SOS — or, “Save Our Sierra.” They are saving it from pot.

Sweet. Obama’s drug policy is the same old, stupid, moronic drug policy we have been living under for years, with the same old idiots in charge. Take Obama’s new idiot drug czar, Gil Kerlikowske, who had some awesome things to say about pot.

No, can’t think of a thing.

Keep on keepin’ on. It’s a tremendous success and a great use of our money. By the way, government, if pot was legal pot farmers wouldn't be screwing up the environment up in the mountains. Just a tip.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Oh come on! Is this for real?...stupid people...

God bless America


urgh

Your pot link is wrong.

The problem with how you're angling the pot story is you're missing the point of the raids. They are removing illegally planted pot on government land. They aren't chasing the people actually growing for "medicinal use", they are dealing with criminal activity. I'm pretty sure you also can't farm tomatoes in a national park. I'd love to see pot legalized - even "sin taxed" like alcohol if that is what it takes, but then you can have people legally farming it.

Yeah, Kerlikowske is a fucking idiot since 13 states already have medical marijuana laws on the books. You don't even have to look far for a group of people who's health is improved in some way by medical marijuana.

Good point. Oh, and I wrote this

in the original story. Thanks for reading.

Yeah, I saw your point, but you missed my point about growing ANYTHING on government land being illegal. Granted, the feds could care fuck ton less about some guy growing acres of say corn or tomatoes in a national park, and wouldn't spend hundreds of millions on it, but it doesn't make it any less legal. Of course, the dumbass growing veggies probably isn't booby trapping his crops or having people with guns camped out to protect his precious green.

The worst part about the legalization issue is big tobacco is probably going to try and get their filthy hands in it and find ways to make it toxic. But that is my own little conspiracy theory.

That's exactly why I made the comment I did.

ok, so this is a "TOE-MAY-TOE" "TOE-MAH-TOE" argument then. I guess midnightblue69 may actually be right about us having our heads up each other's asses.

Carry on.

I work with guys who are vehemently against health care reform. When I remind them that they're currently receiving medical benefits from a socialized medical system, they find a way to cram in as many talking points as possible in what can only be described as a frothing howl. The best part is when I tell them to discontinue or opt out of their coverage if they don't think the system works. Nobody does.

Maybe you should stop making healthcare points while they are talking about drugs.

They're usually talking about how Nobama is ruining America, and that he's not our commander-in-chief because he's some illegal alien from Kenyan sent here to destabilize our country, rape our womens, and then force them to have abortions. I wonder what kind of drugs they're on.

No woman should ever have to reveal the details of her sex life...I doubt if this bill will go far.

I would be really stoked if my newly-pregnant girlfriend came to me and we had a talk about whether to have an abortion or not, as opposed to her making the decision entirely on her own. Yeah it's growing inside and coming out of her, but what comes out has half my shit inside it, too, and I'm just as responsible for raising it as she is.

Legislating that, however, is probably really difficult. The example above is absurd.

So if a woman is forced to have a child b/c the father doesn't agree with the abortion, then is that father going to be forced to raise that child on his own?

Obama is a communist witch doctor! I knew it!

I doubt that would be included in the bill.

Here's my deal about the abortion deal. In the reverse situation, ie, a man doesn't want the child and the woman does, the woman can the decision affecting the man's life. It only stands to reason, in the intrest of sexual equality, the biological father should have some descision about the abortion. Conversly, if we're not going to have this law, a man should be able to divorce himself of responsibility. I don't think it's fair for a woman to be unilaterly in control in this type of situation.

I think if that abortion law passes, every woman in Ohio who wants an abortion should claim John Adams is the father.

Or, better yet....claim immaculate conception.

Isn't there something in most places where a person can sign away all their parental rights and responsibilities?

Well, there's giving up for adoption, but I'm fairly wouldn't apply in a situation where the father doesn't want parental responsibilities and the mother does.

I thought there was something else.

Working on a show on comedy central based upon a comedian no one has heard of that will last 4 episodes is the big leagues?

Men do have the right to choose. Either they use birth control or they deal with the consequences.

The best drugs socialism can buy!

Also, the proposed abortion legislation screams horrible idea.