NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #104

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #104

Mmm. Asshole Fuckfacery. You know you love it. You know you want it. Each week I scour the news for the worst of the worst and present them to you for mocking. So, get your hottest pants on and let's get this party started.

First up, some worst Senator alive Asshole Fuckfacry.

Apparently, it’s not difficult for Joe Lieberman to be the worst Democrat alive. It’s just something he excels at. This week, Joe came out against a “public health plan.” That’s just how he do. Being a Democrat, from a Democratic state, he’s decided not to go with the only thing that will bring down health care costs. He’s decided not to go with a public plan that 90% of Democrats want and 70% of Americans want. He against it!

Wait a minute. Slow the fuck down. This is very difficult and complex stuff and your rushing through it makes it even worse. So, you're saying that if we create a public option, the public is going to end up paying for it......fuck, I still don't get it. Start over. All I know is that right now we are throwing bags of money at private insurance companies – but that’s not “paying for it.” I don't get this "public" shit.

Oh noes! We must save the health care providers from losing out on their insane profits! Let's just ignore the fact that the public plan being addressed is comparable remuneration-wise to Medicare - which is better. Blah, blah, blah, facts are dumb.

Remember way back when Asshole Fuckface Lieberman was running for the Senate in 2006? After losing in the Democratic primary? And he decided to run from the left?

July 6, 2006 primary debate:

Sept. 21, 2006, during the general election campaign.

Liar! And an Asshole Fuckface!

Next up, some logic fail Asshole Fuckfacery.

Obviously, Obama is destroying our country. He’s a communist, he’s in love with Iran and he is black. It’s very upsetting if you sit back and look at the whole picture. As an American who loves America so much, he would like to blow America while singing “God Bless America,” I know there is only one way to save our country: Blow it up.



Finally someone is talking some sense up in this bitch. The only way to save America is to destroy it first. It’s like Danny Bonaduce. Same deal. No way we see another Oklahoma City bombing during Obama's presidency.

Next up, some global warming denier Asshole Fuckfacery.

Oh, the right wing has a new poster boy. He works for the EPA and he hates him some global warming. That’s why he put together an extensive scientific study to show the world it is not real. Global warming is a hoax!

Whatever. Dudes got EPA credentials. The right wing is in a tizzy because Carlin’s report is being buried! Buried, I tell you!

Don't hate the playa, hate the game! Why does the EPA want to shut down the truth?!?! Ask yourself that question. The EPA is part of the global warming religion and will do anything to hide the truth!

Um, yeah. That’s what science is. Jesus said that.

Thankfully, we have lawmakers who won’t let this horrible injustice go unanswered.

Senator Inhofe won’t let this stand! Why are you burying a scientific report you never asked for, that was created by an economist? You’ve got some answering to do, EPA. Next we’ll hear that you’re hiding a report from a janitor on the friendly nature of volcanoes. No matter how much you want this to go away, Obamepa, it ain’t! The truth must be told! You fuckers opened up a can of corruption!

It’s totally not embarrassing! Go Republicans!

Finally, some San Diego Asshole Fuckfacery.

Well, it was only a matter of time before Democrats started getting pepper sprayed. Who knew it would be beautiful San Diego that would kick it off? Democratic House candidate Francine Busby was holding a fundraiser last Friday night when things took a wrong turn.

Dude. It’s Friday. Someone should call the cops on you for being lame.

In reality, the party wasn’t loud at all.

Apparently dude had some other issues with the fundraiser.

I’m guessing the words “Dikes” and “Lesbos” were tossed around a bit by Mr. I Can’t Sleep Because Gay People Are Next Door. Thankfully, the awesome Deputy Marshall Abbott arrived to calm the situation down. This is a good time to ask if it’s a good sign when people call 911 to report a cop going apeshit.

That’s pretty much the usual response to a noise complaint, I guess. Abbot then called in the calvary. Multiple cops arrived, as did a helicopter and a dog unit – for a bunch of middle aged women. Hey, I wonder if this has anything to do with them being gay?

Stay classy, San Diego!

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Note to self: Fuck San Diego.

Ah, soul-crushing bliss.

FTR, if you ever run low on Asshole Fuckfacery, start researching Ohio, in specific Cuyahoga County......it could keep you writing this article for decades.

I've had my eye on that County for a long time. It's pretty amazing what goes n there.

Those vicious gangs of chubby middle aged women have run rampant long enough! We should get Joe Lieberman on a bill to have their healthcare taken away.

It's quite the adventure living here.....

Waiting for the Sarah Palin special edition.

YAWN.....ZZZZZZZZ......

Well this was rather epic..

I love how republicans think that obama is evil or a commi because he is black.. There is this republican at my work who always rants on and on about how minoritys are takeing over and obama is eating babies yatta yatta... I think the only way the republican party will survive is if they prove to use they can provide sustained humor for the next couple years.

i'm having a bit of a hard time seeing the "saving" in that scenario.

it's kind of like reformatting your hard drive to save all the information on it.....what? you've never heard of that?

It may happen, but it wouldn't work. You know, because it would depend on people.

It might work, if enough people were wiped out, but it wont take long for us to be right back were we are. Human corruption is human nature, as is the apathy that comes with it.

If another attack does occur, it will probably be the last straw holding back the wave that completely wipes out our rights. If not martial law, then unbridled police power will run rampant. Every dystopian nightmare realized. The system is fucked. Our elected officials solely represent their corporate sponsors. We need to put the smack down on corporations, and kick the lobbyists the fuck out of the Capital. That would be a good start.

to all that thinks the nationwide healthcare thing is a great idea, think about the vets. theres only a couple thousand of them out there and they dont even get proper healthcare now, they had to fight over seas and now they have to fight for healthcare here??? i dont see how they can take care of the nation when they cant even get that figured out. fuck the Dems and obama on this

Did you miss the part about how National Health Care would be universal? That means everyone, including EVERY SINGLE VET who is alive, would have health care. That is how it works, everyone has health care. Also I question your statistic on the 'couple of thousand'. Where is your source?

You do realize Bush and the Republicans were in charge when they privatized VA services and cut vets healthcare, right? There is literally nothing in this post that is worthy of being in the healthcare discussion.

Yes i would hate to have care like they get in the VA

and of course it's the "dems"

I mean really, who would want healthcare that:

You do realize how horribly that would turn out right?

you do realize the healthcare the vets recieve is "universal" if its as jacked up for them right now how will adding more people help that situation, and 2 the statistic for a "couple thousand" that was merely trying to portray its a small population, how many exactly is irrelevant

if you havent had to deal the VA firsthand or any military doctors your un informed. wheres your statistics on how long it takes for them to be seen, sure it might be better its not gonna help you if you die before your seen though

i dont like bush either, fyi Dems were the party who contemplated not paying active duty military there salary to make up for funds.... and its happened more than once in the past. so does this make your post not worthy of this discussion