NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #81

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #81

Here we are again, staring another Asshole Fuckface Roundup in the face. Don’t be scared. Several Asshole Fuckfaces were sent to obscurity this week, rarely to be heard from again. Henceforth, all we will hear from the Asshole Fuckface administration is occasional whining and complaining. That’s a lot better than the in your face stupidity we’ve been subjected to for 8 years. Sadly, Asshole Fuckfaces still exist. They are still quite active and it is still my job to point them out to you, so that you may mock them. Someone has to do it. So, put on your most fluid resistant moccasins, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some Asshole Fuckface baking.

People who live in New York City think it is the greatest place on Earth. I lived there for five years. I disagree, mostly because the city has an astounding number of fucking idiots running about. It is a cornucopia of Asshole Fuckfaces. Take Ted Kefalinos, baker and owner of Lafayette French Pastry in Greenwich Village. Ted decided to celebrate our new president’s inauguration by baking some “Drunken Negro Head” cookies.

Um. So. You. Eh.

The name of the cookies seems to change. Sometimes Ted calls them Drunken Negro Cookies and other times he calls them Drunken Nigger Cookies. And no one has burned down his store. Strange. But Ted totally gets how some people could be offended.

I said, Ted totally gets how some people could be offended.

Well, since your now horribly ashamed sister married a Cuban fella, you should be able to make any racist cookie you want. Please send me some Stingy Kike Puffs and a few Dirty Spicwhiches

Four years of this shit, at least.

Next up, some fantastic military Asshole Fuckfacery.

Our military is awesome. Not only do they make our soldiers fight on and on and on with no break, but they also charge them for uniforms and stuff.

Since when did working in the military become like working at Taco Bell?

Um, listen. I realize you just fought in a ridiculous, horribly planned war and we didn’t give you the proper armor and stuff, but can we have those pants back? You don’t have the pants? Seriously, we’re not kidding. We really need the pants. We’ve only got one pair for each dude and we need all of them.

I don’t know how these guys could misplace any gear in a war situation. Don’t they check to make sure they have all their stuff?

Oh, right. IT’S A FUCKING WAR.

You don’t say.

Honestly, it was careless. And he could have gotten it dry-cleaned. How about a little respect for the uniform? You don’t see me walking around in a blood-covered suit, do you?

Next up, some Democratic Leadership Asshole Fuckfacery.

Harry Reid may be the most useless, pathetic Democrat in the country. The man is a walking fool and is not afraid to show it.

Obama started his campaign promise to limit lobbyist’s access to government. He announced government employees leaving their positions could not lobby the department they left for two years. That was apparently a bit much for “I don’t know what in the fuck I am doing” Harry. This week he explained his door will remain wide open for all lobbyists.

He must have missed that year long campaign thingy.

Aw. Da poor wittle wobbyists. I so feel for them and their buying of the government. They work so very hard. What the fuck are you thinking?

Shocking. But, hey, at least his kids aren’t rapists, or this might be really awkward. Harry needs to go.

Next up, some “I didn’t learn from recent history” Asshole Fuckfacery.

Remember when the record industry went after kids who downloaded songs? Remember how that was a total failure and caused a massive backlash amongst kids who purchase music? Remember how the record industry put up the white flag and surrendered on the lawsuits? That seems like so many couple of years months days ago.

Now the movie industry has decided to do the same thing, but with a dash of worse thrown in. RealDVD is a relatively new product that lets people save the DVDs they own to their computers. The DVD will only play on your computer.

So, you own it, which means you can play it the devices you want, right? The program does not harm the movie industry because users still have to buy the DVD and can’t rip them. If you think about it, it’s exactly the type of technology the movie industry should embrace, right? Nope.

Welcome to Epic Fail 2, Electric Boogaloo.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

I'm at a loss to explain this, Reaper, but now that Obama's president, I'm find it harder to disagree with you on stuff.

Meh, you get charged for stuff. Because it gets lost. You don't get charged if you can make it look like a combat loss. Even with all the armor, there are gaps, and there are always better rounds, better explosives, and better projectile designs. It's war, it just gets nastier and nastier the longer it's around. It doesn't go away though. I'm okay with that, beacuse i fight wars, and enjoy being a warrior.

Y'know, I normally have no problem getting pissed at the movie industry, but they sued a company with a long reputation for being slimy and making crappy software. I really didn't know who to root for.

This has been the huge part of the conflict between Fair Use rulings and the DCMA. The movie industry is starting to move in the right direction with some movies coming with a lowered quality digital copy of the movie when you purchase a DVD, that can be used to copy it onto your iPod/computer legally.

eh. the flip side of that coin is, soldiers need to be responsible for the gear that they're in charge of. one way to hold them accountable is to make them financially responsible. the other options are things like reduction in rank, notes in their permanent service record, jail time, and (if they're getting ready to leave the military) extension of their enlistment. financial responsibility seems like the better option.

At some point some lawyer will realize that all this anti-piracy stuff means that we are not buying these products but leasing them, and there will be one hell of a class-action lawsuit that the consumers will win and well will get a resolution to this nonsense. If I own it I can use it how I want and can re-sell it. If not then I do not own it, and hence did not buy it, rather I leased it. That's blatant false advertising and a half dozen other illegal things. Call it leasing an Iphone and Apple can have any type of backdoor access they want, because they still own it. If you call my mp3 download a lease then you can have any type of copy protection on there that you want.

BUT they are "Selling" these things to us, which means they forfeit ownership rights. If they want to maintain these rights they can lease us these things.

Have you ever served in the military? If not I thinking not. shut the FUCK up about the service they give our country BITCH!

Are you sure you're old enough to be posting here?

...

Woah, where did that come from, Mankarlen? Anyway... I'm in the military, and I'm very active outside the wire and have done all sorts of dumb shit.. I've lost uniform items, gear, and at one point an expensive optic. If you can prove that you lost the item under extreme circumstance, or a "combat loss" than you don't have to pay for it . I think that if people sign out equipment and just lose it carelessly, they should be held responsible. The military isn't filled with prior boy scouts who all have a good sense of integrity. The military is filled with the complete opposite, as a matter of fact. People scam and steal from the military pretty often if given the opportunity. There has to be a good accountability program in place to prevent theft.

I would take stories like the army asking for a uniform with blood on it back with a grain of rice. If that really did happen, whoever it did happen to should have had enough sense to first of all buy a new uniform themselves (thats what uniform allowance is for) and two report the issue to the IG. But maybe the Army is different, I am in the Air Force.

During one patrol, I ended up covered in blood. That NIGHT our leadership had people setting me up new gear and putting together new uniforms for me.

Your mom really shouldn't leave her credit cards laying around.

Yeah, I served in the military, so that even people mama could teach anything, could talk, all part of that damned freedom thing.

I confess I don't see the point of RealDVD. Unlike music, movies are not something I need piled up on my hard drive to play over and over again conveniently.

Well, except for porn.

that's because you don't have a terabyte of storage in the basement.

I have a terabyte of storage in my living room. No basements here in S Florida.

let's knock if off with the sarcasm and be realistic here. he's 51, of course he's old enough. sheesh.

He's just been huffing lemon pledge before he posts, is all.

known on the street as "dusting."

The Army's the same way. I have never heard of anybody being charged for something lost due to combat.. I had gear covered in blood, I went to my supply Sgt . He dx'ed and got me new shit. However losing your shit due carelessness or stupidity, well they're gonna make you pay for it, you did sign for it after all...

Well I KNOW for a fact we shouldn't be over there fighting this stupid ass war. Its pointless and just wasting money for this country. And to those who are complaining everyone has to remember that the military is a 100% VOLUNTEER fighting force so to all those lil bitches whining and complaining they can shut the fuck up. Yes the military will try and charge you for stupid shit here and there and is always just trying to use you and spit you out there are also benefits if you use them right. People have to remember that the military is filled with dumb fucks who are always complaining about some thing. I can't wait to get the fuck out and get my college degree but that doens't mean i dont' appreciate the job my battles do.

And remember just because the military is filled with DUMB FUCKS who had no other choice and joined to simply make a decent living, THERE ARE STILL THOSE WHO JOINED UP BECAUSE THEY TRULY ARE PATRIOTS AND ARE PROUD TO SERVE THEIR COUNTRY AND LAY DOWN THEIR LIVES FOR YOU AND ME.

We should all be grateful for what they do regardless what they get told to do by our president(whomever he may be at the time) remember he sits in the white house all day he's never on the front lines with the soldiers.

p.s. and yes i'm a soldier 3rd ID

Beyond losing me in the babble of that post, this specific part of the post confused me more than anything else.

Do you really think that the President of the United States issued an order for soldiers to pay for lost/destroyed gear?

don't even get me started on the shit the navy makes us do when it comes to replacing our uniforms.

for starters, new working uniforms? they're BDUs for squids, replacing our relatively new utility uniforms. what are we supposed to blend in with? the engine room? the ocean? i think the navy has gone oscar flag with this concept.

next we have the new service uniforms, a combination of the summer whites (which make us look like milk men), winter blues (or "johnny cashes"), and the chiefs' khaki. not only is it unfortunate that khakis are now available to E-1 through E-6 (whereas they were only available to E-7 and up), but the nauseating clash between brown and black has always been a fashion no-no. also, we'll be stuck dressing like marines. nothing's worse than getting a slick suite of sailors and a litter of leathernecks mixed up. the lovely ladies won't even know they're bringing a jarhead home until it's too late.

now, it's not all bad, i suppose. officers and chiefs are potentially getting new khaki dress uniforms, a throwback to the old world war II khakis, while lower enlisted are getting an updated version of the dress whites. almost makes me want to bust ass and get commissioned! almost.

oh no, wait, it's still bad. we're getting new PT uniforms. that's right, somebody thought it was important enough that they've redesigned the t-shirt and shorts to be a set of PT apparel to be reckoned with. they're just as hot and uncomfortable as always, though. why can't i just exercise topless. eh? eh?

aside from being fashion abortions, the new uniforms are going to be expensive to obtain. mandatory at the end of the year, task force uniform (yes, they've actually called it that) is going to cost every sailor at least $1000. the NWUs alone are $340 (with two sets required).

i guess it's a good thing we get a clothing allowance, but like we really spend that money on clothes. please.

not like it's really the same thing that FTR was talking about, but won't somebody think of the sailors?

We can never forget the sailors: