Society and Truth

As long as I am on my soapbox, let's cover truth. My roommate is not the prettiest thing, but she insists on asking me daily how she looks. What would you say? Would you lie and say she looked nice? Tell the truth and say she looks fat? Avoid the question entirely? How many other situations are there when we are expected to lie? When a partner asks how many partners we have had previously? When your mom asks if you are sorry you did it? Is it safe to say our whole lives are built on lies?
How about physical appearance? Is it lying to put in color contacts, dye your hair, wear make-up? What other physical enhancements do we use to fix our percieved flaws?
What about when you go to a club and meet some nice person and chat it up with them, and then ask for their number, and when you call the next day you find out it is a fake? Or people who live alternate lives on the internet?

There is something I respect about nudity. It is honest. When someone is bare ass naked in front of you, there are no lies or bullshit left. There is only that person, totally exposed, perfect in their imperfection.
Why can't we be that way in all of life? Why can't women stop wearing makeup? If the truth is so different from the face you paint on, then why do it? How can you live with that lie, knowing it is not you he wants, but the fake you you create with eyeliner and base? Why can't people be honest and tell a fat girl she is fat, or an ugly girl that her eyebrow is too thick? Why can't someone in a club tell you you just aren't their type, so you can move on and not waste any more time on someone who doesn't want you?

Why can't we just be who we are, honestly, perfect in our individual imperfection?

I think when you try not to hurt my feelings, you make things worse by leading me on to false expectations. I would rather know the truth up front and deal with it. White lies are still lies, and only the truth is worth it.

Just not the one in their lip.

is it that harmful to just tell her she looks good? or even that she looks "fine"? although i guess the fact that i'm brutally honest does factor in-if they look fine i say that. if they look great i say that. and if they look crappy i will tell them that, too. or instead i'll suggest alternatives- "oh, maybe a different tie would look better". if they get mad, i tell them not to ask me again and most don't. i've also lost friends because i am honest in this way, but i accept that because i'm not going to change. but i do have tact-i say what i mean but at the same time try to spare the other person's feelings-that what a normal human being does.
as far as physically, i've often wondered if push-up bras are "false advertising". you see a woman with firm, perky breasts and then the bra comes off- VOILA- FRIED EGGS! i still wear them though, so that makes me a hypocrite.... =/

/end novel

[Edited on Dec 06, 2003 by ava]

i only wear them when i go out, because god knows i won't get a man if i have fried eggs!

*disclaimer: i don't have fried eggs, i'm just making a point.

well, duh. everyone know THAT. =]

hey G.I. this is a perfect situation to practice your diplomatic skills...God knows ya gonna need the when uncle sam deploys you to one of the many hot spots of the world...maybe your roomate is a victim of the madison avenue lie...maybe the gal only needs some form of positive affirmation...or, maybe as one famous actor marine put it, you can't handle the truth.

Yes. Telling her she is pretty creates a false perception in her mind, and might allow her to have the idea that I find her attractive, which could lead to complications and a big mess in the long run. The truth, while immediately painful, will not lead to misplaced love or other messy situations that invariably hurt more.

[Edited on Dec 06, 2003 by ViolenceJack]

My sunglasses kick so much ass over Violence Jack's sunglasses, I have to say.

glasses are hotness.

I completely agree with Clara here. White lies can do a whole helluva lot of good sometimes. And besides, I guess it's kinda hard to find someone who doesn't have at least one physical attribute that you could comment favorably on.

I agree Minty your sunglasses do kick ass. An on the overall topic of glasses I'd like to mention that I think glasses actual add appeal and would make many people more likley to try and make a pass at a girl. At least the people I know.

well, seeing as you latched on to that single sentence and disregarded the rest of what i said......
you are out of your tiny little mind. you have completely overestimated yourself and your manhood. unless there is something you are leaving out as far as this particular woman in concerned, if you think that every woman you tell looks good may "want you" then you need to see a shrink. like, now.

fat girls know their fat, ugly people know their ugly, be a rockstar or develop an outstanding personality.

I think this thread response can be settled with the ol' cliched "It depends upon context" reply. Sorry if you thought there was some fairly clear-cut answer, but I'm not seeing one.

i actually have no idea either. i;m not even sure my comments have anything to do with the topic.

I actually don't think this is such a weird thread - I mean, read L'Etranger - Camus certainly spent some time thinking about this. What would life if be like if we were brutally honest with everyone about everything all the time? His conclusion seemed to be that we need lies to help ourselves get through life, people don't really care about how you are doing when they ask "how are you?" it's more of a formality and a nice thing to say.

However - living in New York, and having lived in San Francisco, two places that I think are filled with some of the most obnoxious phonies I've ever met in my entire life, I'd have to say that even the little lies can start to dominate one's personality if one lets them. If you don't believe me, go to an upper east side bar some time and listen to some of the vapid conversation. Here's an example:

Dyed blonde #1: "Oh my god, you look so great. I love that dress."
Dyed blonde #2: "That bag is fabulous. Where did you get it?"
Dyed blonde #3: "I know, it's fantastic. Did you see what (unspecified other girl) was wearing? It was so awful, but I just couldn't say anything to her about it."

etc., etc. People can have entire conversations where nothing true, or of substance is ever said.

Personally, I feel like the more you lie, the less someone will be able to believe something that you say when you want them to. So I lie as little as possible, preferably never (exception - I told my grandfather he looked healthier a day after he had a stroke. That doesn't count.) The nice thing is that once you become known as the brutally honest, blunt person, people expect you to say things like that. And they know that when you give them a compliment, it really means something.