NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #69

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #69

Asshole Fuckfacery is a living, breathing thing. It cannot die, it can only be wounded. The way to wound Asshole Fuckfacery is to drag it into the light for all to see, like a naked mole rat. Only then, will the Asshole Fuckface be harmed and it will often scurry back into a dark place and lick its wounds, someday to return again. This week, I will drag four horrible Asshole Fuckfaces into the light, for you to mock and laugh at. So, put on your aluminum aprons, because this is going to be ugly.

The nice thing about the right wing, is you can always count on some righty Asshole Fuckface to say the worst thing possible. Enter Brad Blakeman, one of the rich assholes behind Freedom’s Watch. Brad has a mouth and heart, but the two are apparently not connected in any way.

This week Barack Obama learned his grandmother is very ill. He decided to leave the campaign trail to spend time with his grandmother.

Asshole Fuckface Brad Blakeman doesn’t get it.

Um. The only fact I see here is that you are an Asshole Fuckface. You are the epitome of everything that is wrong with the modern GOP. You have no soul and could not act like a human being if someone paid you. You are a cancer, a demon, pure bile and not nice. Barack Obama’s grandmother is gravely ill. This is the time to hold your tongue. But you can’t, because you are the worst human alive. Now, good day, sir.

Next up, religious fanatic Asshole Fuckfacery.

For those of you who don’t know, Sarah Palin is a religious lunatic. This week she provided a tasty example of how horrible of a person she is.



The definition of terrorism is pretty simple.

Sarah Palin is a complete Asshole Fuckface. People bombing clinics and killing doctors are terrorists. There is no counter argument, unless you are a religious fanatic. Her remarks are disgusting and an insult to those who have died.

Note the term “innocent Americans.” She and her kind do not consider doctors who perform abortions to be “innocent,” so their killers are not terrorists. You can’t terrorize murderers in their world. So, sadly, Dr. Barnett Slepian and Robert Sanderson were not killed by terrorists in 1998. Dr. John Bayard Britton and James H. Barrett and Shannon Lowney and Leanne Nichols were not killed by terrorists in 1994. Dr. David Gunn was also not killed by terrorists in 1993. They were all killed in “unacceptable” situations. And the 200 clinic bombings and fires were not set by terrorists, but by “unacceptables.”

Sarah Palin is not only a disgusting animal, but also an Asshole Fuckface Hall of Famer.

Next up, some McCain volunteer Asshole Fuckfacery.

Ashley Todd had a bad week. On Wednesday, while campaigning for McCain in Pittsburgh, she was violently assaulted. Ashley was taking money out of her ATM, when a black man mugged her. He put a knife to her neck and popped her in the eye. Then it got really bad. The mugger noticed that she had a McCain bumper sticker on her car and, being a black man, decided that was too much. He carved a “B” into her cheek with a knife. How fucked up is that?



It is pretty common for muggers to look around to see what bumper stickers are on their victim’s cars. Also, muggers commonly carve letters into their victim’s faces to make political points. Oh, and when they carve the “B,” they do it backwards, like they are looking through a mirror. Most muggers are dyslexic. Right?

Nope. But that didn’t stop the right wing from going apeshit. Drudge sent the minions loose. They couldn’t believe how horrible Barack supporters are. The animals! And a McCain campaign staffer actually put out a statement.

The real story is, obviously, that Ashley made it up. Yesterday she was charged with making a false police report.

Now right wing Asshole Fuckfaces are claiming this fake accusation will cost McCain the White House. John Moody, executive vice president at Fox News:

Uh, yeah. Hate to break this to you, but McCain’s campaign ended a long time ago, in a giant ball of fire. Maybe you missed it, but it engulfed the entire state of Alaska and Wall Street. But, feel free to blame the crazy girl, because that won't make you seem more pathetic.

And finally, an Asshole Fuckface popped out at me while I was writing.

Moments ago, on Hardball, Republican Duncan Hunter produced an awesome description of Barack Obama. Mathews was talking about Barack Obama and why McCain was in trouble…

(Weird and horrible beep at the beginning of this video)


Um. Thanks for throwing in the “great teeth” remark. It’s pretty fantastic because that’s one of the things slave buyers looked at when purchasing slaves back in the day. And here it just kind of popped out of your Asshole Fuckface mouth. If you watch the video, you actually can see Hunter pause after making the “great teeth” remark, as his horrible, little brain realizes the mistake he just made.

I look forward to 8 years of amazing racist comments.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

I agree about Sarah Palin. Do you know how many people have died from abortion clinic bombings this year alone?

No, why don't you fucking enlighten us?

If the fucking answer is greater than fucking 0 does that make Sarah fucking Palin any fucking more or any fucking less of a horrible fucking person?

It's zero.

Do you know how many people have died from politically motivated domestic terrorism this year alone?

No, enlighten me.

The point is, it doesn't matter. Both are still terrorism and both are wrong. The death toll this year, or any other year, really makes no difference. You can't say that one is a threat and the other isn't based on results, but their recent results are pretty similar.

The closest we come, as far as I can remember, is the gassing of a mosque a number of weeks ago. The jury's still out as to whether it was politically motivated, but the argument can be made. No one died.

What is he saying here?

The “great teeth” remark is probably an innocent mistake, IMHO, he's just saying Obama presents himself well. It's how the McCain camp has been trying to paint Obama for a while, someone who just looks good. Sure sounded stupid either way.

The backwords B is priceless.

Maybe he thinks Obama took the McCain campaign's 767.

This is the stupidest fucking right-wing argument I've heard... today. No wonder the Republicans are spiraling -- completely forgotten the context of events in America's recent collective history. Bill Ayers isn't out of context but abortion bombing are? After 9/11, Republicans got drunk on controlling the narrative. Now the media has come out of their stupor and Republicans are scratching your collective heads trying to figure out why nobody is buying their idiotic bullshit.

It's like the playoffs for stupidity right now in the Republican party.

Let's just keep it brief. What you're saying is:

That's sooooooo weird. It's the exact same amount of people who died in the WTC this year.

Now, please explain why you are so callous about these people's untimely and violent deaths:

I haaate Sarah Palin in so many ways, for so many reasons. So it's to my surprise that I have to say: I think you're misinterpreting her.

My paraphrasing of her incoherent response is something like: "There's no question that someone like Ayers is a terrorist because he tried to destroy the US capital. But for people who, more generally, try to harm innocent Americans or facilities... the word 'terrorist' might not apply."

Am I missing something here? I think she is actually equating the abortion bombing victims with the innocent Americans. It seems to me a relatively decent response, and I think the issue, dusted-off dictionary definitions notwithstanding, of whether crazy religious-zealotry-inspired acts of violence constitute "terrorism", is at least worthy of debate.

God, let this election be over, so I can breathe again. Go Obama.

Now THAT's funny.

Dusted off dictionary definitions aside, terrorism constitutes political/religious/whatever-statement oriented attacks on civilians. A politician ought to know that.

Yes, you are missing something. The Jesus freaks use code words constantly. Bush was a master at it.

"Innocents" is what they call aborted fetuses.

Hmmm. I know about code words, and I agree with you that in the abortion-debate context, the right uses "innocents" to mean the fetuses.

But I just listened to her statement again, and I don't think that's how she's using it. She says: "now, others who would want to engage in harming innocent americans... I don't know if you're going to use the word 'terrorist'...."

I hear this as "bombers are harming innocent americans-- i.e. people working at the clinics-- but are not necessarily terrorists." If, instead, the "innocent americans" are the fetuses, either she means the clinic bombers are killing fetuses indiscriminately with their bombs-- unlikely-- or she's cleverly shifted to discussing whether the *abortion doctors* are terrorists by killing these innocent fetuses. Of course, her language is all garbled, but she does *intend* something, and I still think you've misread her intention.

Anyway. Didn't think when I woke up this morning I'd be defending Sarah Palin.

And sold it on eBay.

About the first case: Dying Grandmother or not, a jumbo jet, designed for about 300 passengers, hired for only a single person sounds wasteful to me. Sure I will asume, that there was no smaller plane or commercial plane available at this time, untill I hear reliable, that it was.



I think the last one is more interesting:

Let me repeat, what I understood, when the last Fuckface was talking:

"John Mc Cain said, we won in Iraq, Barack Obama said, we lost this war. The American people don't want to hear, we loose the war, so Mc Cain is right and Obama is wrong. Obama sais, we lost and than, al the blood and all the money we lost there were in vain, and thus, the people must vote Mc Cain."

...not even wrong. But "that which must not, can not be."

Plus, Al Qaida and Iraq ... know your terrorists, man. If you want Al Qaida, go to (*check*) Algeria and Saudi Arabia. Or even better finish that war in Afganistan (I don't feel like an fatherland-traitor for admiting that we don't get it done allown. Especially our German troops suffer a 24% moral penalty to attack rating when fighting on foreign grounds )

The problem is that, even with your interpretation, she seems to be claiming that Ayers was definitely a terrorist because he attacked government facilities. And that someone who only attacks civilian facilities isn't.

By her apparent logic, the only 9/11 attackers that were actual terrorists were the ones who flew their plane into the Pentagon. The ones in the two planes that flew into the World trade Center were "others who would want to engage in harming innocent Americans or um facilities." Unacceptable - but not terrorists.

Whether that's a misread or not, it's still a bullshit distinction.

skeptik-

I basically agree with you. But leaving Palin aside now-- she has no use for this level of nuance anyway-- I still do think the question "what is terrorism" is tricky.

9/11 is definitely an act of terrorism. Suicide bombings in Israel are acts of terrorism. How about a disgruntled worker shooting up an office building? I don't think so. What about bank robbers who hold hostages and play a big power game with the law? I don't call that terrorism either. What about hate crimes? It gets tricky.

For me, I think terrorism implies an objective on a political, national level. A random shooting isn't terrorism, but a coordinated effort of various random shootings whose purpose is to instill national unease or panic might be. Even with this requirement that the objective be political, all the 9/11 attacks qualify as terrorism, regardless of whether a government building was attacked, since their objective was to make a national-level statement.

So are abortion-clinic bombings acts of terrorism, or "only" acts of religious-driven lunacy? Probably terrorism, but I'm not entirely sure. You could say "who cares?", and that's fair enough, but to me the distinction is important. Terrorism is a very strong word, e.g. it carries with it hints of national existential threat, and like other very strong words-- "nazi" and "rape" come to mind-- it shouldn't be diluted by careless use.

(p.s. I'm not accusing anyone on this post of using the word carelessly. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what's for me an unclear issue.)

Do you know how many people have died in the US from any terrorist attack this year alone? Zero

Do you know how many people have died in the US from lack of health care coverage this year alone? 18,000

Get your priorities straight.

Isn't the surge primarily working due to the Anbar Awakening? Or am I just wrong on this and there is something else I don't know about.

It wasn't hired, its his campaign jet, and it's a Boeing 757 not a 767.

Was it the most efficient use of the resources? No, but when you're grandmother (who raised you) is dying and this is the last time you're probably going to see her, efficiency isn't the top priority on your list.

We have lost this war in my mind. If you look at it from an economical standpoint alone, we spend 10 billion dollars a month there, while things in our own country go awry.

We have sent thousands of our troops into combat, under false premises, only to have a good majority of them killed, maimed for life physically or mentally and for the most part have lost moral when it comes to serving our country, our recruitment rates are at an all time low. Recruiters are lying more than ever to get people to join the service, and they've extended the age brackets for recruitment.

Foreign policy wise, we have done nothing but ruin our name with other countries. What took years and years to accomplish, through diplomacy and meetings has been so undone in the last 8 years it's incomprehensible. That doesn't fix itself, it takes decades to rebuild that trust.

We can't actually afford to go after the terrorists in Afghanistan, we can't afford to bring the terrorists behind 9/11 to justice, we're too busy fighting an imaginary war on terrorism in one country. A war on two fronts would bankrupt us more than we already are.

It has nothing to do with the soldier on the front line, they've done a very honorable job, and deserve nothing but credit for the services they performed, it's the people guiding the military that lost.