NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #64

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #64

Asshole Fuckface is not just a label. The term can also be used as a verb, such as, “I am going to do some serious Asshole Fuckfacing today.” Since the term became common in the 12th century, many people have used it over the intervening years. Before invading Poland, Hitler is thought to have said, “I’m going to Asshole Fuckface the shit out of Poland.” Ted Bundy used to say he would put on his “Asshole Fuckface mask and go out Asshole Fuckfacing.” Today, I search out those who enjoy Asshole Fuckfacing and I drag them into the light for you to mock and throw soiled items at. This week was particularly shocking, so climb into your favorite plastic box, carve a couple of eyeholes and enjoy the Asshole Fuckface Roundup.

First we go to Chicago, where an Asshole Fuckface teacher opened her pie hole.

An unnamed Chicago teacher was teaching her sixth grade class about the history Mesopotamia, when she decided to explain terrorism. Apparently, in her Asshole Fuckface mind, the best way to do so was to use the only Muslim Arab student in the class as an example.

Good work.

Shocking. Who could have guessed that would happen? The family wants the teacher to be fired, but the school district has just transferred her to another school, hopefully to one with out any horrible 13-year-old terrorists.

Next up, it’s September, so that means Asshole Fuckface Republicans are getting down to business.

Yes, fall is almost upon us. That means the leaves turn yellow and Republicans attempt to remove black people from the voter rolls. In Indiana, they are using voter ID laws, which require voters to show their ID when they vote, to keep all the scary black people from voting.

Republicans claim they are just stopping voter fraud. Of course, there are almost zero incidents of people voting when they aren’t eligible –– I mean, besides Ann Coulter.

In Wisconsin, Republican Asshole Fuckfaces are taking it a step further.

The lists are “riddled with errors.” Remember, disenfranchising voters is more important than non-existent individual voter fraud.

Oh, and the Florida “error” that kicked thousands off voter rolls in 2000 is still going strong.

I don't know how this could go wrong.

Next up, a prosecutorial Asshole Fuckfacery.

Natalie Walters occasionally takes her father to the Boise VA Medical Center. When she is there, she fills up her own mug with soda and usually pays $1 or $1.50. But a couple of weeks ago, the cashier told her she owed $3.80.

So, Walters said she didn’t want to pay for it and therefore, didn’t want the soda. This is when the story gets awesome. The manager told her the soda was already in the cup, so she would have to pay for it. Walters said, “no.” Then she became angry and poured the soda on the counter.

Okay, not cool. But sometimes people lose their heads and shit happens. Usually a stern talking to is in order, followed by an apology, right? Fuck no. She fucked with the Boise VA hospital cafeteria. She’s got to pay.

Yeah, stick it to her. After all, that counter was really sticky and whatnot. Thank God there are some Asshole Fuckfaces, like US Attorney Tom Moss, to take care of horrible criminals, like Walters. We are safe because of men like him.

And finally, the amazing Asshole Fuckfacery of John McCain.

John McCain is a tremendous Asshole Fuckface and he proves it nearly everyday of this election campaign. After the government bailouts of so many private companies, the Old Man and his team realized they needed to tie Obama to the crisis. Oh, and there was another black guy out there.



Whoa! Holy shit! That other black guy is bad! And did you see that poor white lady at the end? She would have a great life if it wasn’t for those two black guys! And please don’t pay attention to the fact that the new bad black guy isn’t and never has been an Obama adviser.

And that is something the McCain camp knew days BEFORE making this ad.

Really? Too bad the Washington Post doesn’t agree.

That’s newspaper talk for “liar.” So, what McCain has done is create an ad linking a guy to Obama who has little to do with Obama and is black. Oh, and they threw in a poor, white lady at the end. The ad has obvious racial undertones and if you don’t think so, then you are a fucking moron.

Obama does have close much closer and more damaging ties to a former Fannie Mae CEO, but that guy was white, so they went with the Raines ad first. After the Post called McCain a liar, he rolled one out with the white guy. What a complete and total Asshole Fuckface.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Can't the McCain group responsible for the ad (because, Lord knows, McCain only approved of the message and was not responsible for making it) be sued for spreading lies?

Shit, up in Canada, when we have such libelous ads, such as puffins pooping on opposition party leaders, we force the incumbent party to apologize for such garbage.

1. Anyone with an Arab name is a terrorist
2. The white and rich need to be heard over the poor, particularly if you are "of color"
3. All blacks know each other

I see a pattern here. Looked like a good week for the Republicans.

Small quibble: the 13-year old "terrorist," Saleh Choudhary, is of Pakistani descent, and not an Arab.

That aside, InnocentSid seems to have more or less put his finger on this week's theme.

Wouldn't that be McCain's former financial advisor, Phil Gramm, whose ill-considered deregulation of the housing market led to preposterous amounts of old white-lady sadness?

http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2008/07/foreclosure-phil.html

I love Minnesota's registration laws. No ID? No problem; you can register on election day by

They're going to spend who knows how much money over a $3.50 soda? The [lack of] logic is mind-numbing.

In Canada all you need to do is show up at the polling place with your Social Insurance Card and a hydro bill.

Hell, you can show up with someone who's on the voting list and have them vouch for you. We are so damn trusting.

Sadly both are impossible for me. I lost my SIN card years ago, I don't receive hydro bills, and finding someone to vouch for me? Ha! Nobody who knows me at least.

I'm just glad that the mainstream press is (albeit, slowly) waking up to the repeated lies of the McCain campaign.

I'd also like to add that if the soda she poured on the counter was in fact Diet Cola, then there wouldn't be a sticky counter because it is the sweetener in the regular soda that causes its spills to become sticky. So, the government really doesn't have a case here.

Well, if your profile picture is any indication, you're a little sketchy.

See what I did there?

But on a serious note, the more I see about the trainwreck American election, the happier I am with our governmental system. I have never had to worry about my vote being ignored or being turned away at the polls. Our elections may lack the media frenzy and drama but I'd rather have boring and mostly effective any day.

Boring and mostly effective? I don't know. I kinda miss Chrétien.

Boring and mostly effective compared to the American system. It's all relative.

Ahh... choking protesters... fond memories.

Whatever. No one likes Canadians anyway...

::Goes and deletes all the pictures of her and Rin::

It's true. No one likes us. They're head over heels in love with us. Worshipping the ground kind of thing. It's a little embarrassing sometimes but we're used to it.

This is the price we pay for being so fucking awesome.

Christ. I must be a closet American and not know it. Or is it just Albertans that get that kinda treatment?

Are you kidding? We have to work extra hard to be awesome.

I've dealt with rude hosptial cafeteria workers, oddly enough...

If you're in a hospital you're going to most likely going to be under a lot of stress, it's not a good time for a cashier to be difficult. I can see how the situation happened.

Haha. I'm glad you can admit it. (Though I lived in Alberta for 15 years, so I'm not much better).

I've lived in Alberta all my life except for the year I lived in Toronto. I like it here a hell of a lot better than Ontario.

That's because you lived in Toronto.

That's what the Minnesota practice Sick mentioned is. The first time I voted, my dad just brought me and signed for me. As I recall, I didn't bring anything as far as an ID goes.

I am almost always in favor of things that make it easier for people to vote. I really can't believe that more states don't do same-day registration; I think every state should.

Minnesota is our 11th province, afterall.

Who thinks FTR will appreciate his thread being highjacked by talk about Canada?

Who cares?

It's been a rational dialogue and no one has called him an asshole yet. I doubt he cares.

ooo, Persians get real pissed when called Arabs, irregardless of being called a terrorist.