NEWS: Get Your VP On

POLITICS: Get Your VP On

Now that we have finally picked our candidates, after a horribly long and unnecessary primary season, it’s time for the nominees to choose their Vice Presidential candidate. Barack Obama has some decent selections to pick from. I will now list them and explain why they are all horrible people. Enjoy.

First up, Hillary Clinton.

Pros:

She supposedly will help Obama with white, working class voters – a group that has not voted for the Democratic candidate since 1964. (Why people think a woman will win over a bunch of stupid, white guys, I don’t know, but that’s supposed to be a “pro.”) Also, The Clinton team is ruthless and will fight a tough battle against Republicans. The Clinton name also brings up memories of a rosier time and Americans like to think happy thoughts. She will bring a boatload of rich fundraisers with her and Obama could actually win Arkansas with Hillary. And finally, there are quite a few angry older ladies who might sit this one out unless Hillary is on the ticket.

Cons:

She’s a demon. And there’s more. Having Bill Clinton associated with the White House would undermine Obama constantly. Hillary totally lacks any National Security experience and would therefore highlight Obama’s major weakness. She undermines Obama’s entire campaign because she is a Washington insider. During the primary, she repeatedly said McCain has the experience to be president, but Obama does not. Republicans have already turned it into an ad and would only turn up the flame if she were on the ticket. Finally, Hillary is the right-wings wet dream. If she is on the ticket, it will cause more depressed Republicans to turn out and vote, which will have a negative effect on Democratic pick ups in the Senate, Congress and on down the line. Also, she’s a demon.

Kathleen Sebelius, governor of Kansas.

Pros:

She has one of those vagina things, which seems to be important to many Clinton supporters. Sebelius is very popular in Kansas and could swing the state. She also has ties to Ohio, where her father was governor and could be very helpful in that horrible state. Sebelius is popular with conservative Democrats and some Republicans, but is a liberal. Most importantly, she has a good economic record. In 2005, Time named her as one of the nation's five best governors for balancing the state’s $1.1 billion budget deficit without raising taxes or cutting funding for education.

Cons:

Um, who the fuck is she? She may be a rising star in the party, but nationally she is completely unknown. If she were selected, it would be a horribly obvious move to pacify Clinton supporters, which would just enrage them. They’ve already said as much.

Right. You let me know what you won't get upset about, you angry freaks.

The NRA is also very, very opposed to Sebelius because she vetoed a bill that would have allowed crazy gun owners in Kansas to carry their weapons concealed. The NRA would have a field day with an Obama/Sebelius ticket, which could cause problems in states like Michigan and Pennsylvania. She won’t help with white men, which is the demographic Obama needs to chip away at. Sebelius also has zero foreign policy experience and that’s a serious problem.

Bill Richardson, governor of New Mexico.

Pros:

Hello Latinos! Richardson could swing states like Texas, Nevada, Colorado and Florida by bringing in an overwhelming number of Latino voters. Those are big states, right? He has been very successful as a governor. Richardson’s foreign policy experience is unparalleled – on both sides of the aisle. An experienced diplomat would fit in perfectly with Obama’s platform and it is what the country needs right now. He’s been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five times. He’s a former Energy Secretary – something we seem to have a bit of a problem with right now. He fits in well with Obama’s “change” platform.

Cons:

Holy shit is he bad in a debate, and my God does he make the occasional really stupid comment. Can America handle a “double ethnic” ticket? Some people think it’s a negative – I disagree. Other than that, not a lot of negatives to Richardson.

Jim Webb, Senator from Virginia.

Pros:

He would cancel out McCain’s war hero status. Webb is a Vietnam vet who is walking around with two Purple Hearts, two Bronze Stars, the Silver Star and the Navy Cross. That’s some serious shit, there. Webb can attack McCain’s bullshit votes against soldier’s benefits in ways Obama never will be able to. Webb also worked in the Pentagon under Reagan, who is some sort of right wing God. (I think because he was insane with Alzheimer’s.) Some people also believe Webb could help Obama with the Appalachian states – I think they are fucking crazy. Finally, Webb is considered to be a “brilliant legislative tactician.”

Cons:

#1 and huge reason: Removing Webb from the Senate is not a good idea. He’s from a red state, if you take him out of the Senate, there’s a decent chance that seat goes back to the Republicans. Also, he is terrible on the campaign trail – and he will look even worse in contrast to Obama. His background could seriously hurt Democratic chances. Webb is basically a right wing nutjob.

Holy fucking shit. And there’s more. In 1979, Webb wrote an article in The Washingtonian called, “Women Can't Fight." I don’t need to go into that one, do I? He was still attacking feminism in 1997.

Giving Webb the nod would be a massive slap in the face to Clinton supporters – so it’s a no go. Webb will not be VP – and he shouldn’t be. His articles did a lot of harm to women in the military.

Wesley Clark, retired general.

Pros:

Again, he’s got the military thing going, something Obama needs. He is also in the Clinton camp and this would help with Hillary and her supporters. He’s run before, so he’s been vetted a bit and probably won’t make too many mistakes. But the only reason to pick Clark is his national security credibility.

Cons:

Sucks at speaking. Just sucks. People were pretty excited about the idea of a general running in the Democratic 2004 primary – and he had his clock cleaned because he sucked. And Republicans have some serious criticisms of his time in charge in Kosovo.

Ted Strickland, governor of Ohio.

Pros:

Look at cons.

Cons:

He just said this:

Joe Biden, Senator from Delaware.

Pros:

Wit. He can turn a phrase better than anyone out there. Biden can slam and destroy opponents with his tongue. For a VP candidate, that’s invaluable. As far as qualifications, he’s loaded. Very few Democrats know more about foreign policy than Biden – and he loves to mix it up with Republicans on the issue. He’s the chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee and the former chairman of the Judiciary Committee, which would help with upcoming Supreme Court nominations. And, he’s an experienced campaigner and comes from a blue-collar background.

Cons:

Well, his sharp tongue sometimes goes bad. Oh, and there’s the fact that he is a massive corporate whore, which means he optimizes everything Obama is against.

Those are the current front runners, but many other names are in the wind. I’m sure in the end, Obama will pick someone crazy and we will all be shocked. Like, myself, for instance.

Next week: McCain's options.

Can we start a pool? My top two picks would be Clinton and Richardson. I really like him btw.

I've liked Sebelius since she did the responce to the State of the Union liefest. She's smart, she's articulate, and I see her pissing off the NRA as a bonus.

My top two picks are Sebelius, because she appears to be the least toxic to Obama's issues, and wild-card write-in Mike Gravel.

vp clinton = increased risk of assassination

Real mature.

Sebelius is an interesting choice with a lot of strength but I think in terms of a electoral college math she doesn't get Obama anywhere that someone else won't and will be seen by many people as a half-assed bow to the pressure of rabid Clinton supporters, who are going to be more infuriated than mollified by it.

I like both Jim Webb and Ed Rendell, not as much as I like Richardson, but both can help redraw the electoral map a little bit and secure states that could give Obama a big boost. Same reason Strickland would be a good choice. All three have said they aren't interested, although both Rendell and Webb were much less enthusiastic about not being interested than Strickland. I'm less concerned about losing his Senate seat than FTR, Virginia has been trending towards Democrats for a while and, I'm not clear on VA's laws, but wouldn't his vacant seat be appointed by Kaine, also a Democrat? He isn't up for reelection until '10.

Richardson would be my hands down favorite choice, the GOP's attack dogs would have a field day with that ticket- both Obama and Richardson are US citizens who grew up largerly in other countries. However, while I don't think having two minorities on the ticket would hurt it, I think enough strategists and pollsters think it will that it won't happen. Richardson fans might have to console ourselves with him getting appointed Secretary of State instead of VP. He would be fantastic in either position.

Biden and Clinton are both non-starters. Washington insiders bought and paid for by big corporations and both from the exact same place that Obama is trying to move the Democrats away from. Worse, if Obama taps Clinton I think it will be an epic fail, infighting will keep the campaign and, eventually, the administration off it's game and the GOP will love running her choice comments from the primaries during the general. Plus it paints him as bowing to pressure adn not being serious about change.

Interesting side note, flipping through channels today I caught a bit of comedy on MSNBC. The roundtable conversation on Dan Abrams included such political geniuses as Jerry Springer who said(paraphrasing) that if Obama didn't pick Clinton as VP it would be because he was 'scared' and would only prove that he 'couldn't handle her'. I don't know where the fuck that came from.

Give it about a month, I'm planning on starting a thread in the election '08 group for betting. I'm looking forward to cleaning up state-by-state on election night this year.

Richardson has been my favorite choice for a while now - and having a Latino on the ticket could offset the sun belt vote that McCain will naturally garner for being a conservative douchebag and from Arizona.

Overall I'd say this is a pretty fair assessment of the choices on the table right now. What happens if McCain picks the governor Louisiana? Does that offset the "ethnic appeal" of an Obama ticket?

Oh, and not to nit pick, but I think you wanted to say "epitomizes" and not "optimizes" at the end there.

Chuck Hagel

Don't be surprised if he picks someone out of left field. I honestly don't think it will be any of these people.

I'm kind of rooting for him to pick Caroline Kennedy, but I think that's just because I like the idea of "Obama-Kennedy" bumper stickers everywhere.

Is Tim Kaine officially off the list?

No.

Jindal, yes?

I think that could hurt him with his base, assuming his base is the same people who believe Obama is a covert Muslim. Even if you assume that the racist group is in the minority(which is a fair assessment, really, I don't think all Republicans are racists) I think most independents and undecideds are just going to think 'wow, McCain tried to out funny-name Obama' or better yet that McCain is basically just saying 'we got dark skinned folk on our side, too'. Either way it doesn't seem like a sound policy.

No. I just ran out of gas. There are a few others. I picked the front runners according to the pundits/reporters.

My two top picks are still Richardson and Clark. I'd give the edge to Clark because yes, well, he's a white guy, which I believe is still an issue with the electorate though not with me. Obama has enough charisma for both candidates. Richardson = latino votes, resume a mile long. Clark = some Clinton votes, military cred, possibly Arkansas. Both are highly intelligent and articulate and, despite FTR's caution, can give a good speech. Clark at DNC in '04 definitely did not suck.

Richardson

Does anyone remember when Clark worked for CNN during the invasion and first year or so of the Iraq war? He couldn't stop crooning about how wonderful it was, and how great it was going. He used to stand on that giant floor-map and convince us that our military was above reproach, and that everything was going to be fine.

Then when he decided to get into Democratic politics, suddenly the war was a terrible idea, and was run absolutely horribly.

I don't think he has much "military cred" after that.

This might be some outdated parts of my 2004 Dean Machine trying to turn over, but I'd like to see Howard Dean offered the nomination. For all of his faults, I read his mission statements & listened to his speeches last election and I thought he had some good ideas.

He's led the DNC for a few years, and while they have had more than their fair share of bumps with Florigan this season, I think he'd make a decent candidate for VP. If not, I totally support Bill Richardson too!

Stupid white guys? Stop talking about my inlaws like that, I'm not allowed to!

I like Howard Dean, and I actually think he'd probably do a pretty good job with the VP position. That being said, I don't think he really brings much to the table politically. Dean never really struck a chord with the whole "everyman" thing the way Hillary Clinton did, for some bizarre reason. I don't think he's going to be the motivating factor that gets white, rural Dems out to vote for Obama. And his international political experience is as limited as Obama's is, so no help on that front. Dean seems to appeal primarily to voters (like myself) who already like Obama. Vermont isn't a battleground state with the Northeast (New Hampshire being the big possible exception - but New Hampshire alone doesn't merit a VP choice) likely going towards Obama. If Obama wants to win he needs to nail down Great Lakes states and the western states that are up for grabs, like New Mexico and maybe Nevada or Colorado. Dean doesn't really help with any of those.

Also the only people that rabid Clinton supporters hate more than Obama is Dean. If Talk Left thinks that Selibius would be a slap in the fact they would shit hate bunnies over Dean. They view him as the one who came up with the plan to steal the election, because he secretly hates women or something.

Two negatives make a positive!

Go go double minority ballot!

Good points. I still like Dean, but I may be leaning more towards Richardson now.