NEWS: Mrs. Voorhees Was Decapitated

POLITICS: Mrs. Voorhees Was Decapitated

Some kids went through hell at Camp Crystal Lake in the summer of 1979. By “hell,” I mean a crazy person named Pamela Sue Voorhees murdered them. Pamela was still smarting from the death of her son, Jason, in 1957. The kid supposedly drowned in the lake while the camp counselors were having a cabin party, enjoying pot, alcohol and each other’s genitals. Pamela then murdered a couple of the counselors and the place was shut down.

For years, she lived near the camp, watching to make sure it would never open again. See, Pamela was trying to save any innocent children from meeting the same death as her precious Jason. (He was a lunatic, by the way.) In 1979, when it appeared the camp would open again, Pamela killed seven people. She did this to save others. It’s what good people do. But eventually, Alice Hardy cut her head off with a machete. As far as the Democratic Primary is concerned, Hillary has been trying to save Democrats from the doom of nominating Obama. Thankfully, we have finally reached the point where Hillary Clinton meets her demise on the lake beach. All horrible monsters meet their doom, just ask Ghidorah.

It’s been obvious, for months, to anything with a brain in its head (including rabbits) that Hillary was finished. She lost the race some time ago, but decided to continue on in a Voorhees charge for the nomination. Now signals are coming from her campaign that the end is nigh. On Sunday night, after a small island a couple hundred miles from Florida, which is not allowed to vote in the general election and is not even a state, voted, the two candidates exchanged a phone call. Nobody knows what was said. The Obama camp claims he called to congratulate her. Right. He called to congratulate her on Puerto Rico after over 45 primary elections without a call exchanged. Uh huh.

Now, a phone call from an opponent is not much. Trust me, I’ve gotten quite a few in my life that don’t mean shit. (I'm looking at you, Ron Jeremy.) But there are other signs, like a fateful email went out on Monday night to all Clinton advance staffers.

Certainly one could say there are no more primaries, so why would she plan any events? But anyone who would say that is a dipshit. If Hillary were to continue on, she would need to make her case day after day, hour after hour, until the convention. It appears she has no plan to do so. Good.

Oh, and Hillary has asked her staffers to get the books in order.

That’s what you do when you’re wrapping it up. Next, Bill Clinton also made an interesting statement yesterday in South Dakota.

That’s a “good bye” speech. Thanks for ruining your legacy, Bill, and don’t let anything smash your asshole on the way out, or whatever that cliché is. Go back to your life on the "Fuck Jet."

Hillary has also planned an event for Tuesday night in New York. It will be the first night since the primary began that she has not held an event in a state that is voting, or will be voting. Invitations have been sent out to staffers to come to New York.

All of her top donors and fundraisers have also been invited to the event, yet her campaign continues to say it’s just a final primary party. Too bad all the donors aren't on board with that explanation.

Of course Hillary and her people continue to state that they are going to fight on until there is a nominee, just as Pamela Voorhees probably would have said she was going to keep killing – until her head was removed from her body. If Hillary doesn’t pull out on her own, the Democratic Party is sharpening the machete.

And her big political peeps are telling her to take a walk. One of her campaign’s national co-chairs, former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, laid it out.

And superdelegates are coming out and telling Lady Voorhees to back her shit down.

Hillary may not bail on Tuesday night, but she will be gone by the end of the week. Her last chance to grab the nomination was dashed when the Democratic Party decided this weekend to give Obama more than zero Michigan delegates. Everyone knows it’s over now. That’s why her supporters are losing their fucking minds.



The most telling piece of information came yesterday morning on a conference call with the Clinton campaign and her top fundraisers.

Um. Done that.

If you live in California, go vote today. No on 98. It's very important. Very, very important. - FTR

And now Ickes is bitterly saying "We are telling our people to stand down"

ANd we are all dancing in the streets of Hyde Park with OBAMA t shirts and pins!!!!

WAKE UP people!! History is happening!!

WTKK Talk radio has been calling people like Harriet Christian "Marauding Women" because they're absolutley insane and would rather vote for someone who shares little to none of their principals (or not?) than the person who shares them. It's almost like the only reason they were going to vote democratic was because Hillary is a woman. *gasp* who'd have thought it?

Didn't Hillary once make some remark about not being bitter?

So, wait, her staff is now saying that she's doing do what's best for the nation? I wonder what they would call what she was doing before this.

I forgot that Mothra was in the King Ghidora flick. For some reason, I thought it was Godzilla, Rodan, and that turtle-ish monster (and I know that it's not Gamera--I know my giant movie monsters fairly well) kicked Ghidora's ass. If Obama is Godzilla, I wonder who's Mothra and who is Rodan? I need to watch some Godzilla some time.

What strikes me as completely ridiculous is that people put that much stock in the office of the President. I mean, sure, we've had nearly 8 years experience of what a bad President can do, but I just don't see H. Clinton and Obama being so qualitatively different that one needs to be all that pissed off about one winning the nomination over another. I grow tired of the arguments that draw solely upon Hillary's sex and Obama's skin color. Either way, I think that breaking the white male streak we have in the office of President is probably good either way, even if the nominee is not perhaps the most competent politician. I voted for Obama in the primary here in CA, and I'll vote for him in the general election, but I don't expect him to be a savior. I just think he'll make a better president than McCain and actually has a chance of beating the guy.

Those people who are voting against Obama would probably be better served by voting for a third-party candidate in order to express their objections. That solution would result, I think, in far less destruction than allowing McCain to win the office. I mean, that's the equivalent of saying, "Since you don't agree with me, I'm going to stab you in the eye and beat up your family." It's just fucking sociopathic.

I've grown weary of living history.

Damm you now I have an urge to go rent Friday the 13th parts 1 to 10

I'd like to do shots all night with Harriet Christian. Tequila, Jack, Jaeger, fru-fru sweet mixed shots, you name it.

I don't want to burst bubbles, but how is this different from '92 with Slick Willie?

Great analysis, FTR.

EDIT: Today Associated Press ran, then quickly retracted, a story that Hillary would concede tonight. The campaign is trying to milk the press as long as possible. Ridiculous.

The whole Harriet Christian thing is hilarious. If she is not a racist, as she has claimed, then why did she go out of her way to call him an inadequate BLACK man? If this was truly about sexism and ONLY sexism, she would have just called him a man. To vote for McCain out of spite shows just how little she cares about the REAL issues. If she was truly a Democrat who was not happy with the way the country has been run over the last few years, she wouldn't even consider McCain, who called his own wife a cunt in front of reporters. He's obviously a great supporter of women. At least Obama stood up for his wife when she was attacked by the media unfairly.

"A Voorhees charge." I need to use that in a sentence sometime.

Why do these Hillary supporters talk about their votes not counting? They do count. So do Obama's. And he got more of them.

I think a lot of adults in this country have been kidnapped and replaced with pod people who have the logical capacities and maturity of 8th graders.

How? Gee, I dunno... first black presidential candidate? While I don't actually see it happening, Obama/Clinton for Pres/VP would be the greatest political and civil rights statement this country has ever made. It wasn't all that long ago that women and black people were considered less than white males, and they both have just nearly achieved the most powerful position in the U.S.A.

It is so damn wearying, and so many of us just want her to quietly go away so we can regain some dignity.

That being said, I have a bottle of champagne in my refrigerator, just waiting for a final announcement saying she is done . . . whenever that takes place.

2017 I would assume as they lower her casket into the ground after having driven a stake through her heart and filling the casket with holy water.

The more that crazy white lady gets shown, the better it is for Obama. She's a loon, and almost undoubtedly in the minority. Loony people seem to dislike being face with their own insanity, and I hope that seeing that nut will make other people feeling similarly butt-hurt cringe.

Also, is anybody else psyched that Dick Cheney is trying to piss away West Virginia for John McCain?

Jesus. Why didn't you just take that metaphor to its logical conclusion and say, "...with garlic stuffed in all her orifices"?

HAHA! That was wonderfully put!

Also, we need to set up UV flood lights around her grave-site, triggered by motion sensors.

Link

Quitter.

garlic doesn't do anything. some just aren't fond of it.

now hot lava, on the other hand...

Hey if you wanna be the person to stuff the Hillary hole full of produce be my guest...... Sicko.

That kind of help, we don't need.