NEWS: Iraq Asshole Fuckface Roundup!

POLITICS: Iraq Asshole Fuckface Roundup!

First of all, happy fucking birthday, Iraq War. You’ve had a rough couple of years and only the retarded seem to like you. You drew the short stick. I actually kind of hate you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t give you a special big 5 Asshole Fuckface birthday roundup!

This Iraq edition of the Asshole Fuckface Roundup will probably not be as funny as previous Roundups, mostly because of all the dead people. Sometimes dead people are funny, like when four people barbeque and eat another dude. That is inherently hilarious. But when a lady straps on a suicide bomb vest and blows herself up, taking 40 people with her – not so funny. In researching this Asshole Fuckface Roundup I discovered that Iraq is in far worse shape than I thought it was, which is pretty disturbing.

Let’s kick this fucker off with one of the Asshole Fuckfaces who came up with the “let’s invade Iraq” idea way back in 1993, then executed it 10 years later: Dick “I’m the worst human alive” Cheney. Dick has been making the rounds this week to celebrate Iraq's B-day. Whenever Dick speaks a small part of me dies. Last week, a segment of my colon perished when he tossed out this gem.



Oh, sweet pile of shit. Let's see if that looks better when it's written.

Not so much. Two things, Dick. First, could you not smirk like an over the top Batman villain? Thanks. Second, there have not been “fluctuations” for over a year, monster. The American peeps have been against this shit for a long, long time – mostly because they aren’t retarded. See, a while ago, the American people stepped back and realized what happened. The Bush administration put a pile of dog shit in a paper bag, placed it on America's doorstep, set it on fire and rang their doorbell. America opened the door and stepped on the bag to put the fire out. Then they realized there was shit on their feet. Cheney and Bush keep trying to light the bag on fire. We’re upstairs cleaning off our shoes.

The great thing about Dick Cheney is when you let him out of his Hannibal Lecter restraints and face mask, the bastard really lets loose. He wasn't done with just his “so?” comment.

9/11? Really? Seriously, when your heart finally stops (of natural causes) I am going to throw a party. I am going to throw a “Dick Cheney is dead” party and invite people. We are going to drink to your lack of life and probably have some cake. Sadly, there is a 77% chance that Dick Cheney will not die, but rather, shed his human skin, revealing his true demonic form, and then open the Hellmouth. We'll worry about that when the time comes.

Dick Cheney and George Bush are the ultimate Asshole Fuckfaces, playing a giant game or Risk (and losing) with actual people’s lives. People they could give a flying fuck about. Like this Iraqi, who is a blogger – and one of the last. Most Iraqi bloggers have left or been killed. He celebrated the fifth year anniversary by blogging about when it all went south.

Check out his hood. Looks awesome!



It only takes a few Asshole Fuckfaces to destroy a city. The first Asshole Fuckface was Saddam. Then came Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld. Now the place is a hellhole because of religious fanatic Asshole Fuckfaces.



They live a daily nightmare in a city that has been separated by walls. Religious Asshole Fuckfaces scurry about, killing and maiming those trying to live a normal life. Two weeks ago, Iraqis experienced another one of hundreds of mini 9/11s since the US invaded. Asshole Fuckfaces in Baghdad blew up two bombs, killing 54 people and injuring 100.

At some point, one apparently becomes too tired to see dead people. Hatam had reached his limit. Must have been a nice walk out of the bomb site.

Notice you don’t hear the Republican hordes of Asshole Fuckfaces telling us the Iraqis are now better off than they were under Saddam -- because they obviously are not. They are living in American created misery and now a few are living in it without legs. Of course, they are not dead, like so many, who were killed by Asshole Fuckfaces and buried out in the desert in unmarked graves.



Things aren’t exactly roses here on the American side, either. The cost of this war is disgustingly high – which is the exact opposite of what we were told before the invasion, by our Asshole Fuckface leaders.

How’d that work out? Maybe they meant to say “a day” at the end of that estimate.

Oh, cool. I was worried about $4 trillion. $1 trillion is a lot closer to the original price tag of $60 billion, right? I’ve never seen numbers before, so this sounds great.

Finally, we have lost nearly 4,000 soldiers in Iraq. Think about that number, then go back up to the top of this article and watch the video of Cheney smirking. When you're watching Cheney, also think about his 5 deferments during the Vietnam War. That is the smirk of a coward. Then come back down and read about guys like Army Staff Sgt. Ernesto Guadalupe Cimarrusti. He died on March 10th, killed by a roadside bomb, that was planted by Asshole Fuckfaces.

As much as I think he shouldn’t have re-enlisted, at least Ernesto died doing something he believed in. Doesn’t really matter if I think it was a waste of a life, if he felt differently.

Either way, there are now almost 4,000 Ernestos because a group of Asshole Fuckfaces in the White House didn’t know what in the fuck they were doing. We have now created a training ground for terrorists, destabilized the most important real estate on Earth and have no way out.

Iraqis killed - 1 million and counting.
US soldiers killed - 3,993 and counting.
US soldiers wounded - Nobody knows because the Department of Defense are lying Asshole Fuckfaces.

Oh, and George Bush's actions have led to far more civilian deaths than under Saddam Hussien. George is the all time leading Iraqi Asshole Fuckface. Congrats.

I believe that Bush and Cheney knew exactly how this would all play out. They knew that al Qaeda would use this war to move into a region where they had been banned by Hussein and use this as a training ground. I think it was their intent to turn this handful of misfits into a world-wide, battle-hardend network, to insure we would have to be engaged in a terrorist war (and hopefully WW III), for many future generations.

You see... It's all part of God's plan.

Thank you for posting those clips of the documentary. You forgot one Asshole Fuckface: the American people. Why there aren't mass civil disobedience and mass protests to force the American government to clean up its mess and leave Iraq is a fuckin' embarassment for your country.

That was a very well written article. Usually I get really pissed when people start talking about Iraq. Not because of their opinions on the war but because they dont know what the fuck they are talking about. They pull shit out of their ass that some friend of a friend told them they saw on the news. I dont care if your for the war or against it as long as your making an educated opinion. But anyway great article keep it up.

I absolutely agree 110%. The worst part of it is that those who do protest get mocked for it, saying it's just a useless endeavor. I've been to quite a few myself over the past few years, and every time we had people throwing things at us, telling us to "get jobs" and calling us "hippies," when we're obviously just a bunch of concerned citizens who all go to work and pay bills just like everyone else. Most people would rather bitch from their armchair because it's easier and doesn't disrupt the daily routine we're all so used to. The government doesn't fear the people's backlash anymore because there's been not one negative consequence for those in charge since the war started. They've profited from our apathy and will continue to do so because what people really fear is that the troops we're supposed to be supporting are the very troops that the government would use against us if people really did protest in Washington. Everybody just wants to be a "good citizen" and put their head down, which is exactly why this will continue.

One reason that Cheney and Bush have to keep claiming that the invasion and occupation of Iraq has been a success is that if they acknowledged the reality they would feel so guilty suicide would be their only option. This administration is pathological, living in a fantasy world because the real world they created sucks.

In fact, suicide would be an honorable act on both their parts. The first.

I usually make comments, but this time I'm going to take a different route:

It's obvious what we can do about our current leader Asshole Fuckfaces: not much until their time in office is up. So, that then brings the question: what about the Religious Asshole Fuckfaces, what's the solution to that problem?

And people wonder why I loath my birthday so much...

Which reminds me that I need to call my friend Heather, who just happened to be born on 9/11. We're the birthday wonder-twins of doom.

-T

Oi, and I thought being born on Friday the 13th was bad! (Go ahead and laugh it up, everyone)

Seeing as how they've kind of been around since the dawn of time, probably not much, despite the neocons' wet dream of killing an idea with physical weapons.

As much as I was for the war in Iraq mainly because like everyone else we needed to vent in the aftermath of 911.

But now after 800,000 Iraqis were killed in the last 5 years and a once striving city lay in ruin all on the premise of lies and deceit of our government. Bush actually said we will rebuild their city and how will they repay us, with oil of course. Such irony, they are paying us for destroying their cities and killing thousands.

What scares me most, its now time to pay the piper, karma, what goes around etc. The wrath of God or the force of karma, can be the most devastating and fearful. Japan, Germany, Russia USSR (Afghanistan) suffered immensely for their transgressions.

Americans have done great things and have relieve much suffering in the world, but this time I don't know it will be enough.

Unfortunately, I believe, we may be headed for a reckoning unlike anything seen before.

If those two committed suicide, that is the only time I would have ever respected either of them. They can take the whole fucking cabinet with them as far as I'm concerned. As far as protest is concerned, brandxofttl is right, nobody protests at home so nothing gets done. I'll go one further than that and say that any real choice we have in our "democracy" is gone and it's been replaced by the illusion of ownership of our own futures and the future of our society. Whoever takes over in '08 is just going to keep on making sure that the rich stay rich and figuring out newer and better ways to fuck the rest of us right in the ass...

And what, in your opinion
should the next president do, with regards to the rich?

how is that our problem? I understand completely that the religious asshats in Iraq are in fact Asshole Fuckfaces killing in the name of their God. I hate seeing it, especially over something as theoretical as religion. With our presence or not Iraq is going to go through a civil war, that civil war will determine the outcome of the country. Us being there is just drawing more death and dismay and prolonging that civil war.

I don't agree with killing as a means of spreading your religious attributes, but the U.S. stepping in to stop it, is like another country invading our country to try to stop abortion. The invasion itself is going to create more death. It's a decision that needs to be made by the people of the country, not by another country. (*Abortion* is just being used as an example)

We have no right to push our way of life, or our governmental procedures on any other country. Democracy works in our country, kind of, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work in all countries. Not everyone is going to welcome it and some are going to stand firmly against it. The solution to Iraq's problems needs to be found by the Iraqi people, not by a third party, especially a democratically bias third party.

Protesting the war is a grand idea. I applaud anyone that takes the time to do it in any way. Overthrowing our own government is not going to fix anything. Martial Law is unorganized and would only create a complete split between our country, we'd have states succeeding from the Union again. The United States would end up with walls, just like in those videos, separating us so we don't kill each other.

On top of that, you would have people, that really don't care about the Iraq war using it as an excuse to kill. Overthrowing a government and mass civil disobedience in the name of the Iraq war has the potential to be abused by people who slap the "I am against the Iraq War" label on it. Much like "terrorism" gets slapped on everything by the Government. They would use it as an excuse to eliminate people that they don't agree with and it may not have anything to do with the Iraq War.

I don't want to live like that. I hate what our government is doing. Hate it. But me going out and fighting against a National Guard Soldier isn't going to fix anything, all it's going to do is create more violence.

I just keep sitting here, and repeating to myself that in November we can make a change, and hopefully whoever is set into office can make changes to the current ordeal, and try to come up with a solution to this mess, it will not be easy.

just a suggestion, maybe you should think about changing your country motto of 'Home of the brave.' To the more appropriate, 'Slavery, capitalism and violence...it just gets shit done.'

So you wanted to invade a country that had done us no harm because you needed to vent?

Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you?

We did vent, dumbass. That is known as "the invasion of Afghanistan." That's as far as any nebulous justification of "venting" extends. A lot of us even feel that we shouldn't have invaded Afghanistan.

"Venting" doesn't leave people dead or infrastructure destroyed. "Venting" usually leads to nothing which is why it is viewed as a constructive, helpful process.

Well, would you be able to compromise if I said that the next president should be worried about important things, as opposed to making sure that the rich stay rich? I believe that was the point. Try not to get all libertarian butt-hurt just because your paranoid ass sniffed out "money politics" in a comment devoid of it.

The Bush machine has existed to make certain ultra-rich people ultra-richer. Leaving that aside completely, don't you think the next president's focus should be on matters that mean something, like the war or health care, as opposed to tax cuts for less than 2% of the populace?

...but please feel free to continue with your anarcho-capitalist knee-jerking if that's what suits you better.

I've engaged in both of those threads of conversation, acting as the voice of dissent, but I suspect you know that already.

Thanks, I will!

I'd like this article to be a little more about those 4,000 Ernestos. I hope that people don't think they gave their life in vain, because a lot of good has been done over there. Thats pretty much what the majority of the troops I know are doing when they aren't on patrol. Helping people.

Penitenziagite!!!

You're absolutely right. I base a lot of my opinion on the war on the notion that our military people are doing good, and that their advesary, the Religious Asshole Fuckfaces, are responsible for most of the civilian casualities incured since our invasion of Iraq.

+1.