NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #29

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #29

Congratulations on being alive for another Asshole Fuckface Roundup Day. Many others are not, including the very dead Countess Elizabeth Báthory of Hungary. She was the world’s first Asshole Fuckface. Liz was a serial killer who tortured and murdered 600 girls and women during the early 1600s. She beat her victims over a period of time, as well as burning the hands, faces and genitals. Liz also enjoyed biting the skin off their faces and arms. Many of her victims starved or froze to death. In 1610 Liz was arrested, convicted and sealed off in her room with bricks, with only a slit to look through. She died in 1614 and forever will be known as one hell of an Asshole Fuckface. Since that day, my people have searched the Earth for Asshole Fuckfaces to point at and yell. Today, I scour the weekly news to find the worst of the worst and present them to you, my minions. So, put on your fake fur aprons and prepare to be sick.

My first Asshole Fuckface should not be allowed to speak anywhere, ever.

Tom Delay is one of the top ten Asshole Fuckfaces of recent times. He led the impeachment of President Clinton, coordinated the redistricting of congressional districts in Texas, helped start the destructive K street lobbying project, was heavily involved in the Jack Abramoff scandal, and, well, is the poster boy for everything that has been wrong with the Republican Party for the past 15 years. Fittingly, he was forced to give up his Congressional seat and position as House Majority Leader because he was indicted for conspiring to violate campaign finance laws.

Why this Asshole Fuckface is allowed on any television show is beyond my comprehension. And yet, there he was.



Right. I’m no John McCain fan, but Tom Delay is a permanent heinous stain on the Republican Party. I would have more respect for a pedophile making these comments on-air, while he fucked a boy.

Sports Dads are always Asshole Fuckfaces and occasionally they do something that lands them on the Roundup.

This week it was Mathew Kowald from a small town north of Madison, Wisconsin. It’s football playoff time and that means one thing in Wisconsin: Green Bay Packers. Wait, make that two things: Green Bay Packers and horrible, drunk Asshole Fuckfaces.

Drink much? Now the boy is sure to become a lifelong Green Bay Packers fan. It reminds me of when I was young. I didn’t like the Golden State Warriors, so my dad took a jersey and rammed it up my cooley. I bled for a week, but damned if I didn’t become a huge fan. Things didn’t work out so well for Kowald.

Sadly, Kowald now cannot explain the reality of the situation to his son.

Shame. If you only had a chance to explain that to him during the hour he was taped up. Maybe you can buy him a ticket to the next Packers playoff game to make it up to him.

We are blessed to share this time on Earth with one of the greatest Asshole Fuckfaces of all time.

Bill O’Reilly is a great reason to argue for the extermination of mankind. Why Cloverfield cannot kill this Asshole Fuckface, I don’t know. This week, Bill opened the front part of his face and spewed more retardation.

Bill is apparently upset with this "lie" that came out of John Edwards.

Yes, Bill thinks John was lying. Bill does not believe we have veterans sleeping on the street. One can only assume he has never been outdoors. This week he discussed the horrible lie with Ed Schultz.



Wow. Let's take another look.

What a total and complete Asshole Fuckface. How any person can stoop to such a low level and deny the reality of men and women who sacrificed for our country is amazing and horrible. The truth is, as usual, the
opposite of what Bill says.

And finally, the great thing about the Asshole Fuckface known as Mike Huckabee is that he is a gift that just keeps on giving.

This week the Huck made the mistake of opening his Christian wine hole and letting words out.



Uh, what? Hey, Asshole Fuckface, our Constitution was written with the idea of keeping religion and government separate.

There really is nothing to say, except that God hates Huckabee. Seriously. Wouldn't you, if you were God and this Fuckface was running around telling everybody what you think?

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces! You each will recieve a FearTheReaper Chinese vase!

I'm torn on Huckabee, I don't know whether to shake my head in disgust or outright laugh in his face. Probably a little of both, definitely laugh.

As for good 'ole Bill. . . I'd like to punch him.

Kudos to that mother for getting a restraining order. Hopefully she will keep it up. Seriously...traumatizing your child over football?

....I cannot believe how far some people will go for sports.
That is ridiculous.
I'm glad the mother had some common sense to get that man out of her life and put a restraining order on his ass.

Seperation of church and state costs taxpayers millions, nay, billions of dollars a year. I propose that we rid ourselves of this scourge, and give the savings - not just monetary, but also that we save our everlasting souls, to each and every taxpayer. My plan is to give back to the taxpayers proportionaly to how much they pay in taxes. Those who pay the most need their souls to be saved the most. I also propose a constitutional amendment that would make the christian god the only god that can be legally worshiped in our christian country. All others will be deported to the heathens in the middle-east.


Other than that, all I have to say is:

FOOOOOTTTTBALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Evangelical-catering politicians scare me. As do football fans.

Cheesehead

Good list.

I would like to personally shoot them all.

Really.

Repeatedly.

Oh, and add Ivan Boesky to the list, please.

Wow.

I had suspected there was a reason I didn't trust Mike Huckabee.

Tom DeLay really is an actual evil villain. Wow.

Someone should rent a bus and round up a bunch of homeless veterans with a sense of humor, and have them camp out on O'Riley's lawn.

while i agree that football dad is a total asshole, and additionally a fuckface, something in that story just doesn't seem that important to me. it could be that it is sandwiched between crazy-lots of serial killing and horrifying mass-media apparitions. or it could be that, on the child abuse scale, taping a kid up is pretty fucking tame. the fact that another really, really stupid, possibly insane football fan polluted our world with their genes is so offensive, i don't see how anything past that is particularly relevant.

so i guess the leadership of the WGA don't make the cut, for getting shown up again by the DGA, and making it explicit to even casual observers that the strike was not just an ignorant call, but a monstrously venal one, as well.

No...far better to fall back on the old chestnut of hating Bill O' Reilly.

Far better to keep living up to your user name. Do you care to go into any kind of detail, or provide a link of any sort? What exactly makes you think "leadership of the WGA" makes the cut for Asshole Fuckfacery?

Work on those communication skills...

...says the guy with the blank post two above this.

I mean....really?

These parents deserve some sort of fuck face award.

My gut says this has more to do with SG's wacky interface.

Hey now, my parents used to tape sports jerseys to me all the time when I was growing up and now... now I'm an artist.

Yeah, that Lieberman sure is one of the "most liberal democrats".

I guess that would be one way of looking at it, if you are a complete and total fucking moron.

Others, who are wise and not retarded would understand that one guild on strike gives another guild massive leverage. But your skull is obviously packed with piles and piles of shit, which does not give you the ability to see reality.

Oh, and it's a shitty deal and the studios still have to....ah, negotiate with us.

Again, you're a fucking moron. I will now put you on ignore. Mostly because you're a fucking moron.

No arguments other than the fact that the football dad needs A:Serious help, and I mean other than the fact he is a Packers fan...
B: A fine of under $200.00 for seriously traumatizing your child...?

Of course this is all FTR's fault...he makes the news, he doesn't report is...

P.S.- the countess could have had a seriously lucrative career right now working for B%#@%&*%#R in I#$Q!!!!!!

gawd tom delay , he wouldnt even qualify as subhuman.

sorry for the typo, all...that was supposed to read "Of course this is all FTR'S fault....he makes the news, he doesn't report it..."