NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #28

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #28

Happy Asshole Fuckface Roundup Day. Many yearn to know the identity of the very first Asshole Fuckface. He was a Frenchman, of course. Gilles de Rais was a nobleman and soldier who lived during the 1400s. After retiring from the army, Rais took up a new hobby of child killing. He would lure fair-haired and blue-eyed boys to his homes -- then rape, torture and mutilate them. After he was finished, Rais would cut off and line up their heads. He killed between 80 and 200 children. Rais was executed after being declared the first Asshole Fuckface. Since that day the burden of uncovering Asshole Fuckfaces has been passed on. Today, I scour the weekly news, looking for the worst of the worst. This week, there was no shortage of horrible people, so put on your safety goggles; this is going to be ugly.

My first Asshole Fuckface is a delightful media misogynist.

Chris Matthews is a horrible, horrible human being. For years, Matthews has been making derogatory comments about women and he seems to have finally lost his mind over Hillary Clinton. Matthews’ hatred for Clinton is blatant and deep-seated.

The day after Hillary won the New Hampshire primary, Chris went completely batshit crazy with this outstanding Asshole Fuckface rant.




Holy fucking shit.

One could certainly make the argument that Hillary became a Senator simply because her husband was president. Same thing could be said of George Bush and Jeb Bush and many politicians since the beginning of our country. But to say that she was elected Senator because Bill was getting hummers in the oval office is fucking amazing. How this Asshole Fuckface still has a job is beyond my understanding.

Next up, some big companies get the Asshole Fuckface nod.

For months now, the Bush Administration and telecom companies have been pushing a FISA "reform" bill that would give the companies retroactive immunity for warrantless wiretapping. They argued the program was critical to national security and without immunity, the program would be stopped and the country would be in danger. Chris Dodd stood up and single-handedly stopped the bill with a filibuster.

This week we learned how very much the telecom companies care about our national security.

Amazing Asshole Fuckfacery. They want immunity, because they claim if they are sued, they won’t be able to continue with the warrantless wiretapping program, which would make us less safe as a nation. See, it’s not about money; it is about the safety of America. Oh, and if the bills are not paid, then they can’t help out.

Thanks for “keeping us safe” from the terrorists, you complete and total Asshole Fuckfaces.

I don’t think anyone in this country doubted that racists would begin rearing their ugly heads as Obama became more successful -- but who thought it would be Asshole Fuckface politicians and pundits leading the way?

I come from an upper middle class background and there was no shortage of racist comments when I was growing up. But the well off white folks are usually quite good at hiding their nasty side. That seems to have gone out the window, now that Obama is a genuine contender for president. The Asshole Fuckfaces are showing their true colors.

It is no surprise that Karl Rove let loose with some classics in the Wall Street Journal this week.

Obama’s just a trash talking, lazy, basketball playing, exaggerating and lying Negro. Fucking amazing. Sadly, the bullshit was not just coming from the Republican side; Hillary’s people are getting into the action also. One of her supporters and New York state Attorney General Andrew Cuomo made this asinine comment.

Oh. Shit. Hey, Andy, “shuck and jive” is sort of a derogatory phrase.

Nice work, Asshole Fuckface. Cuomo, of course, quickly stated that he didn’t mean anything by the comment.

Oh, then all is okey dokey. You were just talking about random candidates, like the opponents of your favorite, Hillary, the main one whom happens to be black and you used the term “shuck and jive.” Totally a coincidence. Oh, and I have NEVER used the term “shuck and jive” instead of “bob and weave.” NEVER.

And Hillary’s peeps weren’t done there. Yesterday, The Guardian reported this little gem from a Clinton advisor.

Finally, anyone who attempts to make the movie Weekend at Bernie's come to life is a complete Asshole Fuckface.

Meet James O’Hare and David Daloia. They are a couple of 65-year-old guys, who haven’t lived the best of lives. James has been living with his buddy Virgilio Cintron for years in Hells Kitchen and they’ve been having a pretty good time.

All three are known heroin addicts in the neighborhood. This week, James and David showed up at a 99-cent discount store on 10th avenue to cash one of Virgilio’s Social Security checks, but the owner refused unless Virgilio was present. That was, however, going to be difficult because Virgilio was dead.

Unfortunately, there was a cop eating at a restaurant next door. He noticed that one of the trio was sort of dead.

That is some kick-ass police work. The cop confronted the two alive guys, who explained that they were cashing their friend’s check. The detective called an ambulance and arrested our two Asshole Fuckfaces. Although, it wasn’t that easy because James was pretty determined to cash that check.

James and David have been arrested and charged with attempted forgery, attempted possession of a forged instrument and petty larceny, but not for attempted imitation of Andrew McCarthy.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces, you each get a FearTheReaper pair of bedazzled jeans!

Likewise. What a fucking piglet.

Wow, just wow. Holy fucking shit is right.

Hey, don't insult piglets like that!

Remeber that this is the same Chris Matthews that was so obsessed with Bill's cock during the whole Monica Lewinsky thing. It's all he talked about for months. I think he hates Hillary because he has a man-crush on Bill.

Actually I think he is mad because he wants to have a threesome and they won't let him.

chris looks like he's been hitting the crystal meth .

i bet he could kick wolf blitzers ass in a cage match.

Blitzer's a lover, not a fighter. A man of great passion.

yep...I pretty much knew telecom companies would only comply with a generous stipend. That's why net neutrality is so god damned important. Neutral web access will keep that sort of asshole fuckfacery to a minimum when shit like This happens.

but seriously you knew it was gonna get dirty with a woman and a black man running for president.

It sucks because it's not like anyone can get dirty towards the Republicans. At least not towards anyone who is actually doing well...You hit Huckabee with a "righteous hook" it looks like a low blow and suddenly the entirety of the mid west is against you.

I wonder if those old guys at least tried to bribe the cop...it doesn't say they did, and they sound pretty greedy but it would have been the smart and honorable thing to do in that situation. Or say that they were trying to cash it for the dead guy's ailing widow or something.

I really think Chris Matthews is drunk about 90% of the time he's on the air. Why's he always slobbering over everything and drooling?

Yo, Chris, Hillary is a senator because she won two elections. I don't like her either, but her being in office doesn't have much to do with Bill.
If you want to point at something peripheral that helped get her elected, it was more likely the "debate incident" - in which her opponent wanted her to sign some pledge and aggressively walked across the stage and shoved it at her, which looked like he was bullying her. After that, the tied polls broke in her favor.
Chris Matthews is a blowhard moron. I'm sure he'll be a finalist for Asshole Fuckface of the Decade.

That said, FTR should get props for this roundup.

Oh? Then how do you explain this?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I may have been misinformed but I thought Hillary was a respected lawyer well before her husband messed around. That shit's got to count for something come elections time, right? But anyway, how a man who keeps looking down as he talks, very much like a child who has been caught lying and is making up lame excuses for his actions could be taken seriously... I don't know, I would expect someone who works on television to have a different body language, one that doesn't say "I know I'm talking bullshit here but I am of the opinion that if I shut my trap I'll look like an idiot."

i still have doubts as to the viability of clinton winning the presidency - not because of her qualifications (which i think are more than adequate) - but because too many americans are still so deeply afraid of women that the thought of not having men at their side to direct them is considered an unsettling scenario.

it underscores the double-edged character of leadership election in the US, where the emphasis is placed on personality, rather than on the strength of the party the candidates lead. as a result, more definitive characters may be chosen, but common human failings around following emotional responses may also lead to arguably inferior leaders... thus, a glass ceiling above anyone who isn't a white male, and the choice of 'likability' over competence.

Zarth said:

wildswan said:

Zarth said:

FearTheReaper said:
How this Asshole Fuckface still has a job is beyond my understanding.

Likewise. What a fucking piglet.

Hey, don't insult piglets like that!

Oh? Then how do you explain this?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Bahahahaha! *choke*

Zarth said:

wildswan said:

Zarth said:

FearTheReaper said:
How this Asshole Fuckface still has a job is beyond my understanding.

Likewise. What a fucking piglet.

Hey, don't insult piglets like that!

Oh? Then how do you explain this?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Piglets are baby pigs. That, dear, is a full grown oinker.

Also

Although I agree with you about 80% of the time, shuck and jive has lost most of it's past social context, and is often used synonomously with other phrases like bob and weave, pull a fast one, etc....

Rove and Cuomo's comments remind me of Reagan's "young buck" by steaks comment he used to make. Effective because the racists get what's being said and support it, but there's an easy out where the speaker can just play naive.

...not anywhere I've ever been.

Me neither

oh please, Hillary wouldn't be anywhere without the Clinton name, now while I can't claim to agree with everything that comes out of Chris's mouth there is some truth in the fact that she initially got elected in some part from the scandals of the time.

-sean

The one and only place I ever saw it Super Punch Out! for the SNES.

Well thank god that's settled.

It's times like these that I'm glad I don't have cable or satalite. I am well hidden from the oinker.

I've had the flu and so have watched MSNBC all week until my family performed a much needed intervention and locked me in a room with no TV.

Chris Matthews has about as much credibilty as Howard Stern or Imus. He is a very biased shock jock and although I love it when he is unabashedly pro-Obama, he has said horribly unprofessional things that should cost him his credentials.

I searched for the video, but can't find it -- but did anyone see where he approached Hillary and stunned her by reaching over and pinching her cheek in a moment of what appeared to be sheer love? It was so bizarre.. and she handled it with grace, hugging him but looking so confused..

later, Joe scarborough (cough douchebag cough) interviewed Hillary and was incredulous, saying "what they HELL was that?!" and she joked with her back to the camera "yes, i am surprised they didn't take him out, shoot him right there" meaning the secret service.

Andrew CUomo is another fucking idiot, with non of his father's diplomacy and class. I loved it when he criticized then governor George Pataki as "a wimp riding on Guiliani's coattails" and then had to drop his bid to run as governor of New York state back in 2002 as a result of the backlash against him.

and let's not pretend that "shuck and jive" is anything other than the racial slur that it is