Republicans have been quite busy the past couple of years, with all their man-on-man fucking and trying to blow police officers in bathrooms, while trying to pass laws against man-on-man fucking and blowing police officers in bathrooms. But when Democrats stray from the path, they really do it in style. Take my latest hero, New Hampshire's own Gary Dodds.

Last year Gary was running in the Democratic Primary for the 1st District Congressional seat when he had a horrible accident.

Democratic 1st District U.S. House candidate Gary B. Dodds of Rye remained missing this afternoon after his Lincoln Continental crashed on the Spaulding Turnpike in Dover last night.

Yes, they found his car but poor Gary was gone. New Hampshire law enforcement, fire departments and the state's Fish and Game officers were all mobilized to look for Gary. Surely his wife and two daughters were terrified.

It was an odd accident. Dodds' Lincoln Continental was the only car involved and when Emergency Responders arrived, there was no driver to be found. Gary's disappearance lasted for just over a day before he was located, under some leaves.

A volunteer searcher and her dog from New England Canine found Dodds in the woods more than a mile from the turnpike around 10:30 p.m., police said in a televised press conference from the scene. Rescuers said they believe Dodds crossed the Bellamy River. He was discovered covered in leaves, lying on the ground in a swampy, brush-filled area about 100 yards behind a residential neighborhood.

Thank God he was alive. Dodds spent a week in the hospital recovering from his horrible ordeal. But the police had some questions.

"I don't have an explanation of how he would end up (across the river)," Jordan said. "It is odd."

It is odd, especially since Dodds was a volunteer fireman.

"Very strange" is how his wife described the circumstances surrounding her husband's disappearance, citing his status as a part-time Rye firefighter and emergency medical technician.

"He knows not to leave the scene of an accident," she said.

Gary said he swerved to avoid a deer and crashed into the guardrail. The airbag hit him in the part of his body where he keeps his brain and he became disoriented, got out of his car, crossed the river and laid down in a pile of leaves a mile away from the crash - exactly what they say to do in fireman school. Poor Gary didn't know why he crossed the river, walked a mile and fell into his pile of leaves, but he did tell the cops he "swam" across the river right after the accident.

But when the cops found him, he was not wet and he did not have frostbite on his hands or face. His shoes, however, were soaked. So much so, that when they took his shoes off water poured out, much the way it would if someone had JUST walked through water, instead of 24 hours before. The ground also did not have an indentation consistent with someone lying there for a day and a woman who lived near the river was outside when Gary said he crossed. She said he didn't. And doctors said Gary could go home the next day, but he decided to stay for A WEEK, just to be sure. So, none of that looks good for our hero.

Turns out Dodds sort of faked the whole thing. Gary was arrested in April and charged with two misdemeanors.

Dodds was charged on a count each of causing false public alarms and conduct after an accident, both Class A misdemeanors.

Then, later in April he was charged with a felony.

The 42-year-old former congressional candidate now faces an additional Class B felony charge of falsifying physical evidence, after a Strafford County Grand Jury returned an indictment last week. The felony charge, which could land Dodds up to 7 years in prison and a $4,000 fine, is in addition to two misdemeanor charges already filed.

Finally this week, we learned why Dodds faked the car accident, hid out for a day, then soaked his feet in a river and hid under a pile of leaves. To help his campaign! Duh. It's called leadership.

The state would argue that Mr. Dodds believed the publicity garnered from this accident would increase the visibility of his campaign, allowing him to pay back the mortgages, avoid further FEC investigation, and right a campaign that was lagging.

Err, back up. I forgot to mention that before the accident the FCC was threatening to open an investigation into Gary because of "discrepancies in campaign finance reports." Oh, and he also took out a second mortgage on a house he owned with his wife without telling her.

Corbin is supposed to testify that Cynthia Dodds had agreed with Gary that only $50,000 of their personal money would be spent on his election campaign, but prosecutors say Corbin will testify that Gary Dodds had taken out the second mortgage without his wife's knowledge.

I think I fucking love this man. This is the greatest Democrat in the history of our country. I don't know how this plan did not work. It was fucking foolproof! Can't you just see the ad?

Hi, I'm Gary Dodds. Recently I was in a one car accident which I walked away from and then swan away from and then walked a mile away from. Then I took a nap in leaves for a day. I did not die. I'd appreciate your vote.

But in a bizarre twist, Gary did not win the election. Some lady did. Weird, right?

Skywisdom

Portland, OR

December 2005

NOV 28, 2007 09:29 AM

When I first saw the title of the thread, and then saw the name Dodds, I thought, "Oh, sweet! Chris Dodds is doing something badass again. Did he bunch Cheney in the face or something?"
Now I'm just dissapointed.