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TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

NOV 23, 2007 04:36 PM





You know who's kind of a tease? Science. Yeah, that's right. Constantly dangling the next generation of technology before our eyes, but rarely following through with the delivery...



Robots, human clones, invisible tanks -- all announced and in various stages of development. But we still haven't seen them. Debates are started, tests are done, unseen progress is supposedly made, but, we don't get to see anything. I would've put super-powered exoskeleton into the same category.



Then I saw one.



I'm totally fucking sorry, science. You did it. I'm a jerk and I'm ashamed for ever doubting you.



Did I just see that thing give that guy crazy robot strength? Um, and now it's playing ball? Well, that's cool but I bet it can't. Nope, wrong again, that robot suit is totally hitting the speedbag. Like fucking Rocky. Only Rocky can't crush yer head like a ripe melon. (Sorry, the Rock, it's true.) Rambo can't even do that.



My first, second and third reactions to that video were amazement. The fourth was fear. Fear of the fact that it appears we're about a year away from an actual living, breathing, super-villain.



I can already see it now. Mild-mannered army private whose body happened to fit the skeleton receives the awful news that the gov't wants to do some typical gov't fucked up shit to him and he's got no choice in the matter. No choice but to break into the facility late at night, hop into the machine (sorta like in Stripes only with less wisecracks and much more decapitation) and go on a bloody, sergeant-slaughtering rampage.



Or maybe the scientist who designed it refuses to turn it over to the gov't once he discovers its true purpose (he was told its job was to pick fruit... coconuts or something.) He hides the suit and is tortured for hours, eventually turned into a twisted, evil psycho who breaks loose and dons the suit, before going on, yup, a bloody rampage.



So many ways to go wrong with this thing.



I guess our only hope is that some brash young soldier steals the suit after the army refuses to authorize a suicide mission to rescue his kidnapped sister, during the course of which he decides to keep the suit, paint it red and yellow, and fight crime. Yeah, not likely.



I don't know about you, but I'm spending the next few years developing a fighting technique to beat this exoskeleton. So far I've got a nice start. Yes, it involves magnets... and an outlawed jiu-jitsu technique developed for rhinos. Admittedly, at this point, the plan relies almost entirely on the close proximity of a lake filled with acid... So, you know, I've got some work to do.





Special thanks to the awesome Drake for alerting me to the story... Well, "alert" sounds a bit much, there were no sirens or blinking red lights involved. She just sent it to me.





TheCoolerKing blah blah something about Thanksgiving.



Zarth

Zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

NOV 23, 2007 08:03 PM

Yes. That's to the headline. I assume there's an article, as well, but with a title like that, does there need to be? Oh, wait:

My first, second and third reactions to that video were amazement. The fourth was fear. Fear of the fact that it appears we're about a year away from an actual living, breathing, super-villain.


YES!

Chainlink

Chainlink

Dickeyville, WI
August 2005

NOV 23, 2007 08:07 PM

Robots, human clones, invisible tanks, all announced and in various stages of development. But we still haven't seen them.



They are fuckin invisible tanks dude. sheesh.

scylis

scylis

Anchorage, AK
November 2004

NOV 23, 2007 08:16 PM

Elemental battle suits or bust, freebirth scum!

SnowgodCCR

SnowgodCCR

Derry, NH
November 2006

NOV 23, 2007 08:16 PM

What I found most amazing is the prospect of Mech-Wars type suits...crazy shit. That's some good asskicking equipment right there. Sure, you can load missiles onto planes with it, but how about loading missiles onto the skeleton? That would be badass.

BellyJack

BellyJack

I'm lost
May 2005

NOV 23, 2007 08:17 PM

Well, maybe a couple of years away from a super-villain, but it'll be coming nigh. Take any military usable technology (think: Thomson submachine gun), and it isn't long before criminals, and police - often in that order - get their hands on them.

Once the tech is mature, and prices come down then extreme sports enthusiasts will be using them ... imagine a parallel NFL where you can throw members of the opposing team over the goalposts while standing at the 50 yard line. Or maybe fitting the exoskeletons with ceramic thermal insulation, and rigging flame-throwers to the extensors for a real "fire fight".

Drake

Drake

SUICIDEGIRL

Alberta, Canada

NOV 23, 2007 08:22 PM

Your emergency response plan sounds pretty good so far, but you will probably need some guns that fire grappling hooks to pull it off.

we3_pirate

we3_pirate

I'm lost
July 2007

NOV 23, 2007 08:23 PM

Yeah, sounds great and all, but does it make a good latte?

BellyJack

BellyJack

I'm lost
May 2005

NOV 23, 2007 08:25 PM

SnowgodCCR said:
What I found most amazing is the prospect of Mech-Wars type suits...crazy shit. That's some good asskicking equipment right there. Sure, you can load missiles onto planes with it, but how about loading missiles onto the skeleton? That would be badass.



Read (don't watch) R.A. Heinlein's "Starship Troopers". I don't know if this is the first instance of exoskeletons in science fiction, but was at least one of the first, and he described the engineering and tactical implications in some detail.

pomfelo

pomfelo

San Antonio, TX
February 2004

NOV 23, 2007 08:31 PM

Fuck flying cars. I want to be a super villain with an invisible chain gun equipped mech suit. EL SUICIDO LOCO

Necia

Necia

Salt Lake City, UT
August 2005

NOV 23, 2007 08:31 PM

STORM TROOPERS!

IT'S STAR WARS FOR SERIOUS!

HOW COOL IS THAT?!?

bald_eagle

bald_eagle

Indianapolis, IN
November 2006

NOV 23, 2007 08:37 PM

Not really a new idea

Chainlink

Chainlink

Dickeyville, WI
August 2005

NOV 23, 2007 08:37 PM

I gotta say, that IS impressive. Scary, and impressive.

I was very curious about the proposed backpack power supply. That seems seriously . . . impossible. Unless you are working it for 5 minutes.
But then I thought, who cares ? Even tethered that is something badass.

Trevor

Trevor

Iraq
July 2003

NOV 23, 2007 08:38 PM

I know what's going on my Christmas wishlist this year...

Yuriel

Yuriel

I'm lost
January 2004

NOV 23, 2007 08:41 PM

Let me know when I can have one of these. Or an EVA. tongue

EL SUICIDO LOCO

Jeldun

Jeldun

Trevor, WI
August 2007

NOV 23, 2007 08:54 PM

well...
if an UPGRADED exo-skeleton can make look and move like either...
Samus from Metroid series...
Master Chief from the Halo series...
or
Cyborg Ninja from the Metal Gear Solid Series

i'd wear it... twice...

gabbo

gabbo

Vancouver, BC
May 2007

NOV 23, 2007 08:55 PM


When you step out of the suit it becomes a humanoid robot, but when you step back inside it, you gain complete control of it.


I'd have to say thats the stupidest feature of it, I mean obviously the robots will gain intelligence and somebody will step inside it, but alas, they will not gain control and the robot will commence human massacre.

d_day

d_day

San Bernardino, CA
July 2002

NOV 23, 2007 09:25 PM

I'd take a sand trout stillsuit over that thing any day.

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

Charleston, SC
August 2004

NOV 23, 2007 09:29 PM

your whole rocky tangent got me thinking...

Lockeblade

Lockeblade

Australia
May 2007

NOV 23, 2007 09:45 PM

I'm so excited about this I didn't even read the comments so I'm probably repeating but "Get away from her you BITCH!" oh and "Master Chief, do you copy?" oh and... oh, fuck it, I WANT A MECH FOR CHRISTMAS!

Greybeard

Greybeard

Los Angeles, CA
December 2006

NOV 23, 2007 09:57 PM

bald_eagle said:
Not really a new idea



Somewhere I read that the Power Loaders weren't invented for the movie, they were leased. That's right, pre-existing off the shelf stock technology, used mainly in mines and dockyards in Japan.

Ascanius

Ascanius

South Royalton, VT
October 2006

NOV 23, 2007 10:02 PM

Chainlink said:

Robots, human clones, invisible tanks, all announced and in various stages of development. But we still haven't seen them.



They are fuckin invisible tanks dude. sheesh.



Seriously. Just because you've never seen an invisible tank doesn't mean NATO doesn't have one parked on your front lawn.

Dez

Dez

SUICIDEGIRL

Ontario, Canada

NOV 23, 2007 10:31 PM

Halo anyone?

PS d_day, who doesn't want to be Leto Atreides?

Drakyn

Drakyn

New Providence, NJ
September 2006

NOV 23, 2007 10:35 PM

Where do I enlist?

redheadedleague

redheadedleague

San Rafael, CA
September 2003

NOV 23, 2007 10:36 PM

I hate to be the party pooper, but did you notice that little bit about how later versions will be mobile? Somewhere, some expert in battery technology is going, "Um.,yeah, okay."

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