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FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

NOV 20, 2007 05:50 PM





The president saved two turkeys from a grim death this week. It’s become a tradition to pardon two White House turkeys and I think it is a retarded one. Everyone seems to believe Truman was the first president to start the turkey pardons, but that is not true. Truman actually made comments about eating the turkey, which is very different than a pardon.



Kennedy didn’t pardon a turkey, but he did refuse to eat it. Bush senior is actually the first president who used the term “Pardon” and now we all have to live with it.



George, just kill the bird and eat it. Be a man. You eat meat and you are going to eat turkey on Thanksgiving night, so don’t be such a pussy and have the bird killed. Or do it yourself, with your bare hands.



Nearly 4,000 soldiers have died during your presidency and an enormous number of innocent civilians around the world. The fact that you refuse to eat a bird that is raised specifically as a food source is ridiculous. You have no problem with death.



"You cannot take the heat, and you're definitely going to stay out of the kitchen," Bush said to the birds at the 60th annual turkey pardoning at the White House.



Ha ha ha, fuck you.



This year there were two birds, named May and Flower. Americans named the birds in an online contest. Weeeeeeee!



"They're certainly better than the names the vice president suggested, which was Lunch and Dinner," Bush said as the crowd chuckled and the turkeys gobbled.



Ha ha ha and, again, fuck you. Kill the bird with your bare hands, pussy.



The two turkeys will be flown first class to Disney World, where they will live in the backyard of Mickey Mouse’s Country House, which is considered a fate worse than death by many. What turkey wouldn’t want to live in a theme park? Oh, right, EVERY TURKEY.



Besides, they won’t live very long, anyway. The pardoned birds usually last less than a year and die a painful death. Fast growing, commercially raised turkeys die quickly because they grow too large for their bone structure and are susceptible to disease. So basically, by not killing them you are leaving them to suffer a worse fate.



Anyway, now that you’ve saved these turkeys, go about your regular business and enjoy eating another, less-worthy turkey.



Bush visited the troops in Iraq on Thanksgiving Day in 2003, flying covertly from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, to Baghdad to have a turkey dinner with 600 troops.



I guess those turkeys weren’t good enough. Or maybe they were gay, or Muslim, or something else that Bush hates.

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

NOV 22, 2007 09:27 AM

So is this also a part of your ritual or is this just a Bush family thing no one else can understand? confused

Sick

Sick

Minneapolis, MN
June 2003

NOV 22, 2007 09:34 AM

Ferretbite said:
So is this also a part of your ritual or is this just a Bush family thing no one else can understand? confused



This is part of our ritual. It's not meant to be understood.

RandomNerd

RandomNerd

Albany, NY
January 2005

NOV 22, 2007 09:48 AM

Sick said:

Ferretbite said:
So is this also a part of your ritual or is this just a Bush family thing no one else can understand? confused



This is part of our ritual. It's not meant to be understood.



It's pretty idiotic- it was supposed to be cute, but nothing our government does is cute.

Doxie

Doxie

SUICIDEGIRL

Oregon, USA

NOV 22, 2007 10:00 AM

May & Flower? HAH.

bedheadchicken

bedheadchicken

Rutherford, NJ
March 2003

NOV 22, 2007 10:14 AM

Our country is batshit crazy.

mcflury

mcflury

New York, NY
April 2004

NOV 22, 2007 10:15 AM

two turkeys first class transport probaly aboard airforce one to orlando tax dollars hard at work

ZenTrixter

ZenTrixter

Portland, OR
October 2002

NOV 22, 2007 10:22 AM

As a resident SG vegan, I say, on this day of days here in Amerika...

Whatever, George...

Peace to everybody else...

Cassiel

Cassiel

Aurora, CO
September 2004

NOV 22, 2007 10:35 AM

TommyRocket

TommyRocket

Brooklyn, NY
August 2006

NOV 22, 2007 10:43 AM

give cheney his gun back. he'll take care of it. just make sure you bring the...DUCK!!!

StitchedDoll

StitchedDoll

Newport, WA
May 2007

NOV 22, 2007 10:51 AM

hmmmm....

Saccora

Saccora

Greeley, CO
November 2006

NOV 22, 2007 10:52 AM

That was amazing.... fucking pussy

photoline

photoline

Edmonton, AB
January 2005

NOV 22, 2007 11:00 AM

All of the USA is Disneyland and the theme park is just an illusion.

BTW, isn't this Shoot a President Day? Duck!

TAFKASP

TAFKASP

Oakland, CA
June 2003

NOV 22, 2007 11:12 AM

While he pardons those turkeys, I'm a gonna stick an American flag sticker next to my Bush/Cheney sticker on my Escalade and wear my little American flag pin on my lapel, so I can go shopping.

Red_Russian13

Red_Russian13

Dayton, OH
February 2004

NOV 22, 2007 11:14 AM

Excellent blog post, as always.

SirLoins

sirloins

San Pedro, CA
October 2005

NOV 22, 2007 11:14 AM

You know what's really funny?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

The word "genitals."

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

NOV 22, 2007 11:21 AM

Red_Russian13 said:
Excellent blog post, as always.


gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

NOV 22, 2007 11:27 AM

theaceface

theaceface

Los Angeles, CA
March 2007

NOV 22, 2007 11:36 AM

Oh just go ahead and kill 'em George. You know you want to. Or at least Cheney does.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

NOV 22, 2007 11:43 AM

SirLoins said:
You know what's really funny?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

The word "genitals."



True.

Admiral_Pants

Admiral_Pants

Austin, TX
May 2004

NOV 22, 2007 12:04 PM

photoline said:
All of the USA is Disneyland and the theme park is just an illusion.

BTW, isn't this Shoot a President Day? Duck!



Rizzo

Rizzo

SUICIDEGIRL

Rhode Island, USA

NOV 22, 2007 12:04 PM

this made me giggle... and hungry

Azkadellia

Azkadellia

Douglas, MI
April 2007

NOV 22, 2007 12:14 PM

SirLoins said:
You know what's really funny?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

The word "genitals."



*blinks*


We eat chicken. Not turkey. We pardon turkeys in secret, and then set them free, so that they can visit disney land on their own time....

Wren

Wren

SUICIDEGIRL

Minnesota, USA

NOV 22, 2007 12:28 PM

SuicidePuppies said:
While he pardons those turkeys, I'm a gonna stick an American flag sticker next to my Bush/Cheney sticker on my Escalade and wear my little American flag pin on my lapel, so I can go shopping.



AMERICA! AMERICA!
GOD SHED HIS GRACE ON THEE

scylis

scylis

Seattle, WA
November 2004

NOV 22, 2007 12:47 PM

SuicidePuppies said:
While he pardons those turkeys, I'm a gonna stick an American flag sticker next to my Bush/Cheney sticker on my Escalade and wear my little American flag pin on my lapel, so I can go shopping.



for a gun to fight the arabs with when they bring the war on terror to the States?

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