NEWS: Just Kill The Fucking Birds, George

POLITICS: Just Kill The Fucking Birds, George

The president saved two turkeys from a grim death this week. It’s become a tradition to pardon two White House turkeys and I think it is a retarded one. Everyone seems to believe Truman was the first president to start the turkey pardons, but that is not true. Truman actually made comments about eating the turkey, which is very different than a pardon.



Kennedy didn’t pardon a turkey, but he did refuse to eat it. Bush senior is actually the first president who used the term “Pardon” and now we all have to live with it.



George, just kill the bird and eat it. Be a man. You eat meat and you are going to eat turkey on Thanksgiving night, so don’t be such a pussy and have the bird killed. Or do it yourself, with your bare hands.



Nearly 4,000 soldiers have died during your presidency and an enormous number of innocent civilians around the world. The fact that you refuse to eat a bird that is raised specifically as a food source is ridiculous. You have no problem with death.

Ha ha ha, fuck you.



This year there were two birds, named May and Flower. Americans named the birds in an online contest. Weeeeeeee!

Ha ha ha and, again, fuck you. Kill the bird with your bare hands, pussy.



The two turkeys will be flown first class to Disney World, where they will live in the backyard of Mickey Mouse’s Country House, which is considered a fate worse than death by many. What turkey wouldn’t want to live in a theme park? Oh, right, EVERY TURKEY.



Besides, they won’t live very long, anyway. The pardoned birds usually last less than a year and die a painful death. Fast growing, commercially raised turkeys die quickly because they grow too large for their bone structure and are susceptible to disease. So basically, by not killing them you are leaving them to suffer a worse fate.



Anyway, now that you’ve saved these turkeys, go about your regular business and enjoy eating another, less-worthy turkey.

I guess those turkeys weren’t good enough. Or maybe they were gay, or Muslim, or something else that Bush hates.

So is this also a part of your ritual or is this just a Bush family thing no one else can understand?

This is part of our ritual. It's not meant to be understood.

It's pretty idiotic- it was supposed to be cute, but nothing our government does is cute.

Our country is batshit crazy.

two turkeys first class transport probaly aboard airforce one to orlando tax dollars hard at work

As a resident SG vegan, I say, on this day of days here in Amerika...

Whatever, George...

Peace to everybody else...

give cheney his gun back. he'll take care of it. just make sure you bring the...DUCK!!!

hmmmm....

That was amazing.... fucking pussy

All of the USA is Disneyland and the theme park is just an illusion.

BTW, isn't this Shoot a President Day? Duck!

While he pardons those turkeys, I'm a gonna stick an American flag sticker next to my Bush/Cheney sticker on my Escalade and wear my little American flag pin on my lapel, so I can go shopping.

Excellent blog post, as always.

You know what's really funny?

Oh just go ahead and kill 'em George. You know you want to. Or at least Cheney does.

True.

*blinks*


We eat chicken. Not turkey. We pardon turkeys in secret, and then set them free, so that they can visit disney land on their own time....

for a gun to fight the arabs with when they bring the war on terror to the States?