NEWS: King Tut: A Face Only a Mummy Could Love

GEEK: King Tut: A Face Only a Mummy Could Love

I'm sorry about the pun. I tried to stop myself.

Anyway, I can't believe this wasn’t bigger news. Did you know that King Tut's face, without his burial mask, was finally revealed to the public for the first time this week?

As it turns out, King Tut has bucked teeth.



I'm sort of bummed. I always had a crush on King Tut in his death mask. He was hot in a sort of David Bowie Ziggy Stardust way. Now, he just looks like what he is: a teenager with bucked teeth. I may be a necrophiliac but I'm most certainly not a pedophile.



And did you know his penis was considered missing for the last few decades? Nobody could locate King Tut's member ever since British scientist Ronald Harrison took some X-rays in 1968. Zahi Hawass, chief of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities found the missing dick in 2006.

I love that even the Discovery Channel website has to address the issue of a mummy's penis. So, did this nineteen-year-old King have a big dick or what? Mummy expert Eduard Egarter Vigl says that King Tut's penis was just normal sized and that's allowing for some normal shrinkage due to mummification. Egarter-Vigl is the caretaker of Otzi the Iceman, the world's best-preserved mummy.

What a shit starter!

Also, I have a stupid question that I can't find an answer to. Does the penis fall off after thousands of years or was it removed for burial? Why is King Tut's dick detached?

I love mummies. For some reason I just love to stare at finely wrapped, decaying bodies from anytime B.C. I don't watch Law and Order because I get creeped out by the dead bodies that they're always discovering. I realize I'm only looking at actors wearing make-up but still, it's really realistic. I guess I just don’t like freshly dead things that look like they could still wake up. That's why mummies are great. We get to face death but it's so ancient looking we get to still pretend in the back of our minds that it's not going to happen to us. But it's inevitable, whether we are royalty or not, our dicks will fall off someday only to be scrutinized by later generations.

PBS already revealed his face.

The thing is, when Howard Carter unwrapped Tutankhamun all those years ago, he took photographs. So there have been photographs of Tutankhamun's face all this time. The difference now is that anyone can see him in person, if they go to Egypt. At least they've covered him up, though. The photo by Howard Carter has him stripped naked. Very undignified for a king.

It's all about your mummy's penis isn't it ?

Kind of takes away from the whole mystery but at the same time sort of satisfies a curiosity. I'd like the mystery again.

"I'm sorry about the pun. I tried to stop myself."

I'm glad you didn't, I like the pun.



PS: is anyone besides me thinking of the Steve Martin song "King Tut" right now?

Is that some whacked out textbook Freudian shit, or what!!?

aw, I always thought Tut's Penis was like the other "Holy Grails" of archeology like Christ's Foreskin and...well, the Holy Grail.

Now I am; thanks a lot!

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

The penis was probably broken off or something when the Kings mummy was originally removed from his sarcophagus for the first CAT scan he received years ago. I say this because King TutankhAmun was, in fact, dismembered because he was stuck to the inside of the sarcophagus. In order to get the Kings body out, they had to hack it up.
It's quite sad and even more disrespectful. Then again, so is the fact that a huge number of mummies were either burned as fuel for locomotives and such, or unwrapped at parties the upperclass held and then destroyed.
Some people just have no respect for the dead, whether they be a King or a commoner.

If your mummy has a peen, maybe you should call her your daddy.

Hilarious, dude...

Gotta say, I'm surprised you wrote about this topic... what with the curse and all...

I'm sure it's not as severe as the "disturbing the remains" one, but still, in a teeny, tiny way you've tampered with his legacy...

<cue tomb slamming shut sound>

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

Probably the only song I instantly associate with The Beavis and Butthead show...

Also, Tut's binger had nothing on Russia's greatest love machine.

All I could think was "Wow...how did the person who found Tut's peen laying in the sand react." I have the nasty habit of picking up weird things...I probably would have picked it up, looked at it real closely, taken a minute to register, then gone "OMG! OMG!! Eek!" and dropped it again out of shock.

Thats going to be my bands name... Detachable Penis.

Maybe it fell off because of the initial clumsy handling by the people who first found the mummy. And maybe that's the reason for the legendary curse... I know I'd be pissed.

It shouldn't be surprising that he's not all that handsome of a fellow -- you should see how deformed his father Ankhenaten was.
Plus, it's generally agreed not all of Tut's funeral masks are really his -- his sudden death didn't leave a lot of time for preparation so they had to just snare a few extras from somewhere (one theory is they swiped some things from Nefertiti's tomb, since she was out of favor by then.)

Oh, and on the matter of the detached penis -- it probably came off when they sawed him apart in the 1920s. The embalming resins has caused him to get stuck to the bottom of the casket, and using the technology of the day, the best way to get him out was to cut him apart and lift him out piece by piece. I've seen photos of his head alone (no attatched body) that were taken, for example.

When his body was being prepared, I hear they swiped some lip gloss from Nefertiti's nipples. His corpse looked much better for it.

To change topic: Evidently it was done as a short lived fashion in the time of Louis XIV, and the Egyptians did like makeup quite well themselves. Certes they used to highlight things like navels and breasts in the enbalming process so I don't see why not.
Want to hear the recipe for Ancient Egyptian lipgloss? I think I have it somewhere.

is this a good time to Whoosh ?

Little known fact: the boy, Tut's, favorite band was Ramsesstein.

Man, those pharaohs rocked so hard.