NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #19

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #19

Saturday. The day Muhammad came out of his tent and said something that no one could hear because there was a sand storm or some shit. But historians believe it was "Let there be an Asshole Fuckface Roundup." So, now I do the will of Allah weekly. Now I will probably be killed. But so be it, I am a truth teller. This week I have sifted through the worst humans on our planet and filtered it down to the bottom four. They are subhuman and should be treated as such. Check out their horrible acts in this week's Asshole Fuckface Roundup.



As of Thursday, four Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee have publicly stated that they would vote against Michael Mukasey to become the next Attorney General.



Their reasoning is that until Mukasey can define whether or not waterboarding is torture, he should not be allowed to serve as Attorney General. They are obviously right. Waterboarding is torture, which is why it was used during the Spanish Inquisition. On Thursday, giant baby/Asshole Fuckface Bush jumped into the fight for his boy Mukasey.

Really, George? Osama bin Laden? Here's what you've said about him in the past:

Which president disbanded the CIA bin Laden unit? Oh, shit it was you, Asshole Fuckface Bush. But now that you need him to scare people, be sure to pull the name out of your twat.



Reporters pushed Bush on this bullshit.

Super and totally irrelevant. The Committee wants to know if the highest law officer in the country believes an obvious crime is a crime. What about popping people's eyeballs out with spoons? Can he answer that question, or should he avoid it because he doesn't know whether or not it is a technique we use?



Of course, the president also cannot answer the question.

Because it's a crime and you're an Asshole Fuckface.



And now Bush says if he can't get his way, then there won't be an Attorney General! Waaaaa. Baby in Chief, this is how it works: It's called compromise and if your "terrorism expert judge" can't define waterboarding as terrorism, then he is not qualified to the US Attorney General. Try to quit governing like a 4-year-old, you Asshole Fuckface.



I do have a solution, though. We should waterboard Mukasey so he can make a determination if it is torture or not.



Next up, the Asshole Fuckfaces who are supposed to be protecting our country. They are inspirational.



Britain's first Muslim minister, Shahid Malik, was invited by the Department of Homeland Security to be a keynote speaker at an event dealing with extremism and defeating terrorism last November. When he arrived at JFK airport, he was detained and searched by Department of Homeland Security officials. After the incident, US authorities apologized and assured him it was a mistake.



This week, Malik came back to America for a series of meetings on terrorism. But this time he was going through Dulles airport in Washington DC on his way back to England. Again, it did not go well.

Hey, at least you weren't searched on your way in!

Well, yeah, there are no white Muslims. Right?

Get in line, bitch!



Next, there is something worse that an Asshole Fuckface who screws dead people and that is an Asshole Fuckface who screws old, dead people.



Anthony Merino was employed as a lab technician at Teaneck Hospital since June. But he was fired on Sunday night after a security guard saw Anthony "engaged in sexual activity" with the body of a 92-year-old woman.

Okay, you don't have to call him Mister anymore. Creep totally works. As does Asshole Fuckface. On the other hand, who leaves a 92-year-old body around and doesn't expect it to get fucked? That's irresponsible.



As you can see from Anthony's Myspace page, he is quite the ladies man.

Fuck, yeah you do. And by "party," you mean, "fuck dead, old ladies."



Bergen County has charged with sexual penetration upon deceased human remains. Bail has been set at $400,000 and he has been ordered to undergo a psychological exam. Anthony could get 10 years in prison, just for trying to show a dead old lady a good time. WFT?



I think we are all thinking the same thing: Did he make her cum?



There is always room in the Asshole Fuckface Roundup for guys who beat children, but this guy gets a special mention for his excuse.

First, the day he moved in, Juan kicked the toddler out of the way and squeezed his face. Three days later, he punched the boy in the face twice. He was diagnosed with bleeding around the brain later that day and he had severe bruising on his face and back. (Note to mothers: If a guy kicks your 2-year-old while he is moving in, don't let him move in)



This week Juan had his day in court and he proved himself to be an Asshole Fuckface of the highest caliber. The judge asked him if this was how he always treated 2-year-olds.

Uh. What? I hope your cellmate rapes you. Seriously.



Arreola was ordered to undergo psychological and psychiatric evaluations, which is pointless because I have the diagnoses: He is an Asshole Fuckfacerist. Juan could receive up to 20 years in prison.



Congrats to all of this weeks winners! You each will receive a FearTheReaper bathroom rug!

Wait, no "gonna get messy" for this roundup?

And I don't think any of us have to hope too hard that Juan gets what he deserves in prison. Thankfully.

damn skippy on all accounts herein!

"I'm not a morning person"...
Are you kidding me?

We all know that bush is an Asshole fuckface. I didn't hear about the scenario played out in this article, I just think he's an asshole fuckface because he and his administration are throwing our country's weight around (Iran) and have made oil prices shoot up again. $100 a barrel? What the fuck? It's not like there's a shortage. Oh wait, there's going to be a shortage when we go pummel the piss out of Iran. Good job, asshats.

"BFF man...I know there is something fishy about this and I have known you all my life (15+ years). I'm going to do what I can to get down to the real truth!!"

You think you know someone and then they go and fuck a dead, 92 year old woman. What's this world coming to?

Very well done. Couldn't agree more.

And this little gem: "On the other hand, who leaves a 92-year-old body around and doesn't expect it to get fucked? That's irresponsible." I just about fell out of my chair laughing.

I saw on the news this morning that two key Democrats are voting FOR Mukasey. This makes me sad

Clicky Here

OMG WHY DONT YOU REPORT REAL NEWS INSTEAD OF COMMENTARY
YOURE A BAD REPORTER

OMG why can't you type in lower case like everyone else?

lawl

So the truth finally comes out that you're a Islamicistic doing the will of Allah!

Conservative IS right! (hahahahaha, get it? He's RIGHT!)

You've got it wrong about waterboarding...it's only torture if the person involved isn't giving information (or in the case of the inquisition, submitting to the one true God). Once they break it's information gathering! Futhermore, if you don't know about it going on, how could you possibly say that it's wrong? I don't know if my roommate is murdering people so how could I possibly say there is anything wrong with murder!?

remind me again though how fucking an old dead person is any worse than fucking a young dead person? I mean...if I have sex with a 15 year old it's statutory rape. If I have sex with the corpse of 15 year old do I get the same sentence as the person you violates the corpse of a legal adult? If I have sex with a person who died of cancer versus a person who committed suicide do I get a different sentence?

I always love to hear the reasoning behind sending children to the hospital...I betcha George Bush does to...he probably heard Arreola's reason for it and said "Hey, this guy would make a great addition to my administration, he's got amazing reasoning skills! I should use that one the next time I want to invade a country."

good roundup this week!

YUR A BAAD POSTER

Dude.

This guy is a true champion.

Don't mess.

Bush is on the list so often, I think he would make the competition for asshole fuckface of the year completely unfair.

He's the Michael Jordan of Asshole FuckFacery, swooping in from every angle, defying the laws of physics on his way to yet another jaw dropping week of assholeness combined with fuckfaciness. Like Pele or Maradonna, he seems to score every time he plays the game. Even the great Muhammed Ali would have a hard time claiming such complete and utter dominance of the competition. Child beaters, dead people rapists, the entire department of homeland security are all asshole fuckfaces too, but on a consistent basis Bush lays the smack down on all of them.

If you decide to have an Asshole FuckFace of the year award, perhaps a special separate award for Bush? Asshole FuckFace of the century? Of the millennium?

Yeah, seems like the dems have left their testicles at home again. This part from that article is particularly disturbing:

And they're ready to let this guy be the chief law enforcer for the country?

I like to think that people who write in all caps and use "OMG" are being sarcastic or facetious. But then again, I'm a dreamer.

"As of Thursday, four Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee have publicly stated that they would vote against Michael Mukasey to become the next Attorney General."

This is one of those rare moments when I'm glad that the candidate I voted for lost. I was very happy to see that Sheldon Whitehouse has far more integrity and balls than I ever expected him to have.

*snort, laugh*

. . . and just eww! What the hell is wrong with people?

Wait, tell me you aren't surprised by this?

OMG

must...resist...posting...LOL Catz...pix....

Uh- well...so SG news is supposed to free of opinion, like say CBS, NBC and CNN are...
?
Wait a second- isn't this all pretty much an Editorial page anyhow- or do I now need to choose between SG and the BBC for up to the minutre world wide news?!!!

You know, I like to think of myself as a reasonable, peaceable and nonviolent man. But I rather like this idea.

I do not know how CHuck Schumer and DIane Feinstein plan to live with themselves if they do vote in Mukasey. They need to be on the the next AFR list!