I will admit it without hesitation: I am a huge Stephen Colbert fan. Its almost impossible not to be, but I understand how fickle the tastes of todays public are. I know it was uber-hip to be a member of Colbert Nation in 2006, which means lots of you probably think hes all played out and/or has jumped the shark by now. Thats cool. I dont really give a rats ass. I think the mans a genius.
Sitting on my bookshelf as I type this article are a copy of America: The Book, written by (among others) Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert back before they were officially the yin to the others comedic yang. Also featured prominently is a cellophane-encased copy of Tek Jansen: Alpha Squad Seven, the first comic Ive owned since I was about 7. If I dont break down and buy them for myself before the holiday, my Christmas list will consist of long-sleeved sweaters, iTunes gift certificates, a Saginaw Spirit home hockey jersey and a copy of Colberts newest deliciously-titled book: I Am America (And So Can You!) Like I said, Im a fan. As someone who has spent more of his life arguing about politics than is reasonably healthy, I think his entire persona is both hysterically refreshing and exactly the type of thing that this country needs. In short, hes the best satirist in the world.
So when he embarked on his publicity tour for the new book, I tracked his progress with great affection. How would he manage to make the talk-show rounds and promote his book while savaging talk-show punditry at the same time? By capitalizing on the medias un-natural obsession with the Presidential primaries, of course, and deftly creating his own pre-candidacy buzz. Those of us who were forwarded his guest Op-Ed column in the New York Times (thanks Necia) were treated to it firsthand.
While my hat is not presently in the ring, I should also point out that it is not on my head. So where's that hat? (Hint: John McCain was seen passing one at a gas station to fuel up the Straight Talk Express.)
Others point to my new bestseller, ''I Am America (And So Can You!)'' noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.
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Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, ''Doesn't this thing have a reverse gear?'' Let's back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road -- or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.
Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans' nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn't yet fled to Guangdong. And I don't intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.
Now, was anyone seriously pressing him to run? Of course not. But when you live in the No Fact Zone these things dont matter. It continued not to matter when last week he officially declared his candidacy for the President of the United States. There were some caveats, of course, mainly that he was only running in his home state of South Carolina (I defy any other candidate to pander more to South Carolinians, those beautiful people that they are!) and that he was running as both a Democrat and a Republican. But was he serious or is this just another beautifully executed publicity stunt?
Comedian Stephen Colbert insisted on Sunday that his ambition to run for president was no joke -- then joked he would consider disgraced Republican Sen. Larry Craig as a vice presidential running mate.
"I don't want to be president. I want to run for president. There's a difference," the host of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report" said in a television interview.
Man, if there is a better encapsulation of the sheer absurdity of the presidential nomination process than the above quotation, Id love to see it. Regardless, Colberts people have gone about the process of filing papers to run in South Carolina as both a Dem and a Republican, so hes clearly at least sort-of serious. That leaves fans and political observers alike drooling in anticipation of the havoc and hilarity that could ensue. Is there any better satire possible than exposing the presidential election process from the inside? Nope. Its pretty much the best thing ever. Even political proposition betting websites are joining in the fun.
Hopefully theres a good campaign finance lawyer out there in Colbert Nation, because its leader could be headed for a showdown with the Federal Election Commission.
Comedy Central star Stephen Colbert may have been joking this week when he announced hes running for president. But his declaration and subsequent celebration of his candidacy heavy on the affected bloviation that has made him a pop culture phenomenon are raising some potentially serious legal issues.
If he continues moving toward a presidential campaign, particularly if he, or Comedy Central, keeps spending money exploring and promoting by hyping it on his nightly half-hour news parody show, he could get himself and his network in trouble for violating election laws, including those barring corporate campaign contributions.
You dont get a different set of rules because youre running as a joke, said Marc Elias, a leading Washington election lawyer who represents Democratic candidates.
You may get a different set of rules because its a joke and youre not really running, said Elias, who stressed he was not speaking for any client. But if it isnt a joke, then there may be any number of issues.
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The costs of producing and airing Colberts show this week, dedicated largely to hyping his candidacy, could be construed as so-called in-kind contributions from Comedy Central, Dawson suggested.
Its illegal for corporations to contribute money, labor or anything of value to federal candidates, thanks to a century-old provision intended to prevent corporate fat cats from bankrolling candidates.
That century-old provision is2 U.S.C. § 441b, which would prohibit a corporation (in this case, Comedy Central) from donating time or money in the form of salary to his campaign.
Colbert himself addressed the issue, but only in his trademarked sarcastic way.
On his show Tuesday, Colbert made it official or at least as official as it gets on his show.
Nation, he told his audience, as he is wont to call it, I shall seek the office of the president of the United States. He blew kisses, stood from behind his anchor desk and bowed, as red, white and blue balloons fell from the studio rafters and the words Im doing it! flashed on the screen.
On the next nights show, he signed the paperwork, but only after announcing he was crossing out part of an oath pledging not to knowingly violate any election law.
Again, brilliant, but again it (intentionally) doesnt answer the question of whether or not hes serious. For his sake it might be best if he isnt.
His best defense, though, according to an election lawyer who requested anonymity because he did not want to risk incurring Colberts wrath, would be admitting that his campaign is for entertainment only and that hes not spending money to influence an election the trigger for federal campaign laws.
If he fesses up to that, the lawyer said, he could argue that any effort to limit his spending on his candidacy would violate his rights of expression as a satirist.
The story is obviously still developing, but if he is serious (and I dearly, dearly hope he is), it will be fascinating to see how and if he can navigate the election law minefield laying before him while still getting his point across.
What the point is that hes getting across is, as always, up for (factiless) debate.
That century-old provision is2 U.S.C. § 441b, which would prohibit a corporation (in this case, Comedy Central) from donating time or money in the form of salary to his campaign.
oh, b/c this has NEVER happened before in the history of America? Hello? anyone track the campaign fundraising of the decider himself?
I hear his goal is to win a vote in the Electoral College and mess everything up. A whole state would be fantastic, but unlikely.
He is sure to get tons of votes. The facebook group has 500,000 members in about a week.
Ronald Reagan was "just an actor", we seem to like him just fine. Dubbya was a "very well credentialed" politician, and we sure don't like him just fine.
Ofelia said:
I hear his goal is to win a vote in the Electoral College and mess everything up. A whole state would be fantastic, but unlikely.
He is sure to get tons of votes. The facebook group has 500,000 members in about a week.
It's not that he wants to get an Electoral vote, but rather a delegate at the Democratic National Convention. Which is both much less ambitious and way swankier. I couldn't work this into the article, but just for kicks, here's a transcript of Stephen on Meet the Press where he explains what he's doing. The whole thing's worth the read because it's hysterical, but the important bit is at the tail end.
COLBERT: I'm doing it, Tim, because I think our country is facing unprecedented challenges in the future. And I think that the junctures that we face are both critical and unforeseen, and the real challenge is how we will respond to these junctures, be they unprecedented or unforeseen, or, God help us, critical.
RUSSERT: You've thought this through.
COLBERT: That's a generous estimation. Thank you.
RUSSERT: The press reaction to your announcement has been mixed. Here's one headline.
COLBERT: OK.
RUSSERT: This was on Thursday. "Electile Dysfunction: Colbert Running For President."
COLBERT: That's good work. That's good work.
RUSSERT: Are they, are they questioning, shall we say, your stamina?
COLBERT: I don't know. I think a lot of people are asking whether%u2014they say is this, is this real, you know? And to which I would say to everybody, this is not a dream, OK? You're not going to wake up from this, OK? I'm, I'm, I'm far realer than Sam Brownback, let me put it that way.
RUSSERT: Authenticity's important to the voter.
COLBERT: Absolutely. You got to, you got to convey to them that you mean what you say, and that you've put some thought into what you do....
RUSSERT: Why are you running only in South Carolina?
COLBERT: Because I believe that it's the greatest state of the union, I believe there are things that%u2014I believe I can make a difference there. I think it is time to focus on South Carolina. Florida tried to jump South Carolina's primary date for both the Republicans and the Democrats. I want to put the focus back on South Carolina. I want it to be a permanent thing. I don't want Iowa and New Hampshire to be the only people in the United States who get to control who is a bellwether state. And if Iowa and New Hampshire don't like that, they can take some of that Iowa corn and stick it right up their Dixville Notch.
RUSSERT: You%u2014yet another attempt at humor, Mr. Colbert. You say...
COLBERT: Oh, I'm serious.
RUSSERT: Are you...
COLBERT: I'm serious.
RUSSERT: The mandatory presidential campaign book. All the candidates who have them. Yours is out, "I Am America (And So Can You!)" On Iraq, this is what you say. "Once again, God won the war. He just doesn't occupy very well."
COLBERT: Yeah.
RUSSERT: God's on our side in Iraq?
COLBERT: I, I would say he's not on their side. Do you, do you think he's on our enemy's%u2014do you think he's on our enemy's side?
RUSSERT: I'm only asking%u2014I'm asking the questions.
COLBERT: Because you're implying%u2014these are your words. Not mine.
RUSSERT: These are your words from your book.
COLBERT: But your words are certainly in your question. You'll have to grant me that.
RUSSERT: So God's not an occupier?
COLBERT: He just didn't occupy very well in Iraq.
RUSSERT: You know, if you look at the voting blocks that exist in South Carolina and around the country...
COLBERT: Mm-hmm.
RUSSERT: ...I'm quite surprised the way you treat them in this book.
COLBERT: What do you mean?
RUSSERT: Senior citizens? This is what you call them, old people.
"Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don't just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts?"
COLBERT: Well, Tim, I, I just don't understand pensions or Social Security. Why do you get paid after you stop working? That doesn't make any sense to me.
RUSSERT: Abolish Social Security?
COLBERT: Yes.
RUSSERT: Abolish Medicare?
MR. COLBERT: Yes.
RUSSERT: Abolish all pensions?
COLBERT: Abolish tipping waiters and waitresses because I've gotten my food. They get paid by the hour. Why am I giving them extra money? That's all pensions and Social Security are. It's a tip at the end of your life.
RUSSERT: Senior voters gone.... The mother, another source of...
COLBERT: Yeah. I love my mother. You're not going to, you're not going to attack me for loving my mother, are you?
RUSSERT: You attack all mothers in your book. Again, your words, Mr. Colbert. And here they are.
"Scientists have proven, one assumes, that every flaw in a child can be traced back to a mistake made by the mother. As adults we're all imperfect, so that means all mothers are incompetent. But some mothers are worse than others. Take women who work. If you work outside the home, you might as well bring coconut arsenic squares to the school bake sale."
COLBERT: Mm-hmm....
RUSSERT: Gay marriage.
COLBERT: Yeah.
RUSSERT: This is, again, from the Colbert Bible.
COLBERT: Yeah.
MR. RUSSERT: "The biggest threat," you say, "facing America today%u2014next to socialized medicine, the Dyson vacuum cleaner and the recumbent bicycle."
COLBERT: Yeah.
RUSSERT: That, to you, that means it's a serious threat to our culture.
COLBERT: Marriage is the basic building block of society. And if gay men get married, that threatens my marriage immediately because I only got married as a taunt toward gay men because they couldn't.
RUSSERT: So it makes you feel insecure.
COLBERT: Well, I just don't know else%u2014why I got married other than to rub it in gay people's faces.
RUSSERT: Would you consider Senator Larry Craig as your running mate?
COLBERT: I would.
RUSSERT: Have you had conversations with him?
COLBERT: Define conversation.
RUSSERT: Have you spoken to him?
COLBERT: No, no.
RUSSERT: Have you met with him? Have you been in the same room together?
COLBERT: Yes. And my...
RUSSERT: And how...
COLBERT: Sorry, my lawyer's telling me to say no more.
RUSSERT: How did you express your interest in developing your relationship?
COLBERT: Forcefully....
RUSSERT: In your office in New York City...
COLBERT: Mm-hmm.
RUSSERT: ...you have a large...
COLBERT: You've been in my office.
RUSSERT: ...a large poster of a president, don't you?
COLBERT: Richard Nixon.
RUSSERT: Yes, indeed.
COLBERT: 1972. Now more than ever.
MR. RUSSERT: Now, let me show you and our viewers what you said about that. And "Here's something Colbertophiles might not know or might not want to know: He loves Richard Nixon. He has a 1972 Nixon campaign poster on the wall of his office. He points at it and says, 'He was so liberal! Look at what he was running on. He started the EPA. He gave 18-year-olds the vote. His issues were education, drugs, women, minorities, youth involvement, ending the draft, and improving the environment. John Kerry couldn't have run on this!" What I would give for a Nixon.
COLBERT: It'd be great. It'd be great.
RUSSERT: You, you love Richard Nixon.
COLBERT: I have great warm feelings for Richard Nixon. He was the first president that I was aware of, and I was a little upset with him because, when I would come home in the afternoons from school, instead of "The Munsters" or "The Three Stooges" on TV, it was Senator Sam Ervin. And while his eyebrows were hilarious, they weren't quite as good as Herman Munster.
RUSSERT: Would you be Nixonian in your approach to the presidency?
MR. COLBERT: I'd be Nixonish or Nixonoid. Is that like being Nixonian? Define Nixonian. Powerful?
RUSSERT: (Unintelligible)
COLBERT: Paranoid? Fun-loving and gay? Absolutely....
RUSSERT: Richard Nixon had a very difficult relationship with the media, as you well know.
COLBERT: I have a very difficult relationship with the media.
RUSSERT: That's my point.
COLBERT: Because I'm a member of the media, and I don't trust us.
MR. RUSSERT: You don't, you don't have Nixon to kick around anymore. Do you remember that?
COLBERT: I do.
RUSSERT: And I remember the White House correspondents? dinner, April of 2006.
COLBERT: I blacked out for most of that, but go ahead...
RUSSERT: What do you watch, yourself, as a person preparing a run for the presidency?
COLBERT: I watch my show to get a pulse for the nation. I have to watch Jon Stewart's show because he tosses to me at the end of his show. I like "Grey's Anatomy," that's a pretty good show. I like Conan O'Brien.
RUSSERT: These men you're describing, aren't they liberal?
COLBERT: Jon's%u2014I would say Jon has had some misguided statements. I don't think Conan's liberal. I don't think Conan's made any political statements.
RUSSERT: If you are trounced in South Carolina, I mean...
COLBERT: All right, all right, here's the attack. Yeah. All right.
RUSSERT: Simple question.
COLBERT: Yeah, I'm trounced.
RUSSERT: What happens then?
COLBERT: Well, it's proportional voting on the Democratic side. All I need is enough votes on the Democratic side to get one delegate, and I'll feel like I've won. Because if, at the Democratic National Convention, somebody has to stand up and say, "The proud state of South Carolina, the palmetto state, the home of the greatest peaches and shrimp in the world, casts one vote for native son, Stephen Colbert," I'd say I won.
RUSSERT: So you will not allow that Democratic convention to claim their nominee. There will be no unanimous acclamation.
COLBERT: No...
RUSSERT: You're going to stop that.
COLBERT: Listen, why else run as a favorite son if you're not going to broker a convention. And if I get, and if I get a delegate, it will be a brokered convention. Unless they offer me to speak there, then maybe I would turn over my delegate.
Wow, I like how they wait til someone who is intelligent jokingly runs for president to start caring that corporations own our politicians... I say get rid of them all, all these politicians are defective, turn them in them in for newer models.
Mockingbird said:
I think Colbert is aware of this. I'm sure the issue came up when planning for the show. Or at least, I hope it did.
haha let's hope the comedy central legal team is on top of this one. i used to work for another viacom channel and i'd like to think they still have their shit together.
this is amazing!!! the whole process is a trainwreck anyway, especially the way the media handles it...if we can spend hours on TV debating Obama's flag pin and Hillary's outcits then why not? Besides the guy from Law and Order is running, so it's already pretty surreal.
Mockingbird said:
I think Colbert is aware of this. I'm sure the issue came up when planning for the show. Or at least, I hope it did.
haha let's hope the comedy central legal team is on top of this one. i used to work for another viacom channel and i'd like to think they still have their shit together.
I'd assume they stay fairly busy.
Why can't we have ONE candidate who KNOWS he's a joke??
Subrosa
San Francisco, CA
July 2004
OCT 23, 2007 10:17 AM