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TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

OCT 18, 2007 05:51 PM



George Lucas planning 'Star Wars' TV series


Why not, right? He's 6-and-0 at this point. Critics and fans alike have championed his recent return to form, showcasing a man clearly at the peak of his powers. So keenly in touch with the needs and wants of the modern day sci-fi audience. How he manages to keep his finger on the pulse of an entire nation at the same time is beyond me.

Why, if he wanted, I bet he could predict what I'd like for dinner. A story about hokey robots and alien politics? Oh no, George. That's not even a food.

I know the "dumping a bucket of sarcasm on something," approach can get old but I couldn't think of any other way to get started. I mean, really, who's optimistic about this? Anyone? Yes, you, waving wildly in front, when did you discover you liked shit?

Lucas is the owner of the worst comeback this side of Muhammad Ali getting bludgeoned by Larry Holmes back in 1980. And at least Ali had the sense to quit on his stool.

But be forewarned: 'It has nothing to do with Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader,' according to the films' mastermind.


Yes, that's totally the part that requires warning, not the part where the last three motion pictures were completely unwatchable and George Lucas is incapable of writing dialog. It should read, be forewarned: these movies are being created by the guy who wrote Phantom Menace.

Be forewarned: this show is penned by the guy who created a "future diner" run by a fat alien, diner owner-cliche in a dirty T-shirt complete with salt and pepper on the table.

Be forewarned: dialog similar to "I don't care what galaxy you're from, that's gotta hurt!" may appear in this show.

Be forewarned: Jar Jar's dad created this show.

Filmmaker George Lucas said Tuesday that he has "just begun work" on a live-action television series rooted in the "Star Wars" universe, which is huge news not just for fans of the science-fiction epic but also for networks looking for a piece of the Lucas magic that has grossed $4.3 billion in theaters worldwide.


No, this is huge news for amnesia-sufferers and the tasteless. This is huge news for people missing from the planet between '99 and '05, and the recently deaf. "Have repeated hammer blows rendered you unable to remember anything of the last three films? Wonderful! Have I got a show for you."

There is a caveat, though: The proposed series doesn't have anyone named Luke or Anakin in it, a story path that Lucas concedes is "taking chances" as far as connecting with an audience expecting the familiar mythology.


Releasing three films based largely on political maneuverings, pseudo-science and flavorless characters was a "chance." And NO ONE is expecting the "familiar mythology." What's left of the once massive fanbase expects nothing but more bullshit. Luke? Anakin? The only characters that people gave a shit about were Han Solo and Darth Vader. Neither of whom were in the prequels.

Lucas already has another television series percolating: Lucas Animation has been working for months on "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," a computer-animated series that he hopes will introduce a new era of visuals to weekly episodic television. Lucas plans to produce it through his own companies before shopping the finished product to networks.

That model may also be used for the live-action show, although producer Rick McCallum said Tuesday that it's too early to say. McCallum is interviewing writers for the live-action series.


Writers? Finally, a possible bright light in this dank morass. Is this the sign of a brash, young Jedi emerging to battle back the dark forces of cutesiness and on-the-nose dialog? Oh wait, aren't Jedis just guys filled with midichlorians or something? Nevermind, then.

Lucas is confident he can find a home for his droids and Jedi, but he also knows the projects are unorthodox enough to give network executives pause.

"They are having a hard time," Lucas said. "They're saying, 'This doesn't fit into our little square boxes,' and I say, 'Well, yeah, but it's "Star Wars." And "Star Wars" doesn't fit into that box.' "


Huh? I guess even out of touch billionaires like to play at being under-dog outsiders railing against the system.



TheCoolerKing is exhausted from drinking, shooting claybirds and visiting haunted houses.

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

OCT 18, 2007 08:04 PM



hmm, news how is this?

Spaceboy

Spaceboy

Dallas, TX
October 2004

OCT 18, 2007 08:07 PM

Didn't they announce this two years ago? Penny Arcade even did a comic about it.

attn_ho

attn_ho

Brooklyn, NY
February 2004

OCT 18, 2007 08:08 PM

all he REALLY needs to do to be popular is remake the star wars christmas special once a week.

shit, can you picture the ensuing hipsterpocolypse?

apesamongus

apesamongus

Atlanta, GA
July 2002

OCT 18, 2007 08:09 PM

My roommate is wetting himself over the new shows - but, then, he ranks #2 higher than all the classic trilogy besides #5, so we ignore his taste when it comes to Star Wars.

AngryAdam

AngryAdam

USA
June 2005

OCT 18, 2007 08:20 PM

Old news indeed.
Also, I might add, I totally disagree with you. I've been waiting anxiously for a live-action Star Wars feature to dip into the time of the Old Republic or any other era without covering the Skywalkers. Seeing a time when both Jedi and Sith running around in equal numbers would be crazy awesome.

Keith

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK
August 2002

OCT 18, 2007 08:21 PM

The best analogy I've ever heard about Star Wars is that the few remaining fans who try to find some redeeming feature of the prequels are like the kid who drops his ice-cream cone on the beach, and then sits there picking sand out of it, saying, "It's still good, right? Right?"

SecondBest

SecondBest

Brooklyn, NY
December 2003

OCT 18, 2007 08:59 PM

"The only characters that people gave a shit about were Han Solo and Darth Vader. Neither of whom were in the prequels."

Yeah........ Darth Vader was in one of the prequels.....

Both shows will work at least this one will . Nothing can be as bad as Flash Gordon.

Yea the franchise does have a little sand in it...

Metaverse

Metaverse

USA
March 2005

OCT 18, 2007 09:06 PM

If he did a show that followed the Bounty Hunter Wars books, it would be fun. But I'm done giving this guy a chance with Star Wars. I saw the original twice at the drive-in when I was 5. It was just great. When I saw Phantom Menace...I wanted to punch babies. I could have worked out a better movie...or maybe a platypus should have written it. The really funny thing is, that Lucas brought in another screenwriter to help him on the prequels.

"Hold me like you did on Naboo..." puke puke puke

Fail us he has.

Formus

Formus

Milwaukee, WI
May 2007

OCT 18, 2007 09:14 PM

Metaverse said:
The really funny thing is, that Lucas brought in another screenwriter to help him on the prequels.

"Hold me like you did on Naboo..." puke puke puke

Fail us he has.



You do realize that Lucas wrote neither The Empire Strikes Back nor Return of the Jedi, right?

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

OCT 18, 2007 09:18 PM

Formus said:

Metaverse said:
The really funny thing is, that Lucas brought in another screenwriter to help him on the prequels.

"Hold me like you did on Naboo..." puke puke puke

Fail us he has.



You do realize that Lucas wrote neither The Empire Strikes Back nor Return of the Jedi, right?



nor did he direct them.

george lucas is the worst thing to happen to star wars.

Formus

Formus

Milwaukee, WI
May 2007

OCT 18, 2007 09:26 PM

MrCrisp said:

Formus said:

Metaverse said:
The really funny thing is, that Lucas brought in another screenwriter to help him on the prequels.

"Hold me like you did on Naboo..." puke puke puke

Fail us he has.



You do realize that Lucas wrote neither The Empire Strikes Back nor Return of the Jedi, right?



nor did he direct them.

george lucas is the worst thing to happen to star wars.



In the 70s and 80s, the Executive Producer had much more influence over the overall filmmaking process than the director (auteurs excluded). The reason Lucas became Executive Producer was because he felt far too restrained on the first film. But they were still his ideas and his babies.

Metaverse

Metaverse

USA
March 2005

OCT 18, 2007 09:28 PM

Formus said:

Metaverse said:
The really funny thing is, that Lucas brought in another screenwriter to help him on the prequels.

"Hold me like you did on Naboo..." puke puke puke

Fail us he has.



You do realize that Lucas wrote neither The Empire Strikes Back nor Return of the Jedi, right?



Hence why they were actually good....except for the Ewoks...fucking Ewoks. I remember when I played SWG...one of the first things I did was kill some jawas, then I went to Endor eventually and smoked a shit ton of ewoks..little fuckers.

Bonaparte

Bonaparte

Eugene, OR
September 2006

OCT 18, 2007 09:31 PM

Metaverse said:
If he did a show that followed the Bounty Hunter Wars books, it would be fun. But I'm done giving this guy a chance with Star Wars. I saw the original twice at the drive-in when I was 5. It was just great. When I saw Phantom Menace...I wanted to punch babies. I could have worked out a better movie...or maybe a platypus should have written it. The really funny thing is, that Lucas brought in another screenwriter to help him on the prequels.

"Hold me like you did on Naboo..." puke puke puke

Fail us he has.



hey! how did you know that was my #1 soul-crushing Star Wars line??

stalking me you are.

FunkyPhantom

FunkyPhantom

Chapel Hill, NC
June 2007

OCT 18, 2007 09:31 PM

Well at the start wars convention I was at, I met a ton of people from lucasfilm/lucasarts that are working the CG clone wars tv show, and ive know about the new live for a whiiiiiiiiiile.


Im excited to see where it will go

Ainur

Ainur

I'm lost
May 2005

OCT 18, 2007 09:35 PM

Clone Wars 2D was pretty good. I'm looking forward to the 3d if only because it sounds like he's going for something at least a LITTLE bit adult. And 40 plus eps done is a good thing indeed. The other series, with a tone like the Young Indy crap, that worries me. Which kinda sucks, because DAAAAAMN I would LOVE to have an interesting SW series run 100 eps or more (that's about five seasons, normally, but nothing is normal on TV these days). And I'd love nothing more than for it to have cool characters and great story archs and some really nice development of both over the long haul. I don't even care if it's Bobo Fet, or any other previously known lesser character. I just don't want it to be some "family fun" bs with child actors and furry puppets. Fuck that.

asbestosman

asbestosman

Australia
October 2005

OCT 18, 2007 09:35 PM

Huh. I was amused by a CoolerKing article. I guess anything's possible. Maybe the show could be good.

Formus

Formus

Milwaukee, WI
May 2007

OCT 18, 2007 09:42 PM

Metaverse said:

Formus said:
You do realize that Lucas wrote neither The Empire Strikes Back nor Return of the Jedi, right?



Hence why they were actually good....except for the Ewoks...fucking Ewoks. I remember when I played SWG...one of the first things I did was kill some jawas, then I went to Endor eventually and smoked a shit ton of ewoks..little fuckers.



So you...don't think A New Hope was "good"?

Please leave.

SirLoins

sirloins

Huntington Beach, CA
October 2005

OCT 18, 2007 09:45 PM

MrCrisp said:


george lucas is the worst thing to happen to star wars.



That's word-for-word what I've been telling people.

mydogfarted

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ
June 2003

OCT 18, 2007 09:50 PM




Suck this will, yes?

yyouyouu

yyouyouu

Akron, OH
December 2005

OCT 18, 2007 09:53 PM

ahh balaaaa. sorry no "+1"'s here, i didn't read it all. the star wars "empire" is so vast that it's like there is the poeple that like look so deep into it to find why this shit is going to, or does suck, or there is those that will just love to see anything star wars come out with.
kinda moot.

wacko42

wacko42

Decatur, GA
August 2007

OCT 18, 2007 09:53 PM

Just wish he'd let someone else take the Star Wars reins and finally go back to making avant garde films

Affy

Affy

Chicago, IL
March 2006

OCT 18, 2007 09:57 PM

FAIL.

dorklord

dorklord

Rialto, CA
May 2006

OCT 18, 2007 10:00 PM

Spaceboy said:
Didn't they announce this two years ago? Penny Arcade even did a comic about it.



yes this is old news to me too... Still I am curious I think a star wars tv show could be better than the newer movies.

CitizenD

CitizenD

Australia
April 2006

OCT 18, 2007 10:05 PM

I believe you could have summed up this entire idea with one word from your article;

TheCoolerKing said:
- stool.



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