NEWS: Worst Thing Ever: Insect Robots

POLITICS: Worst Thing Ever: Insect Robots

I hate bugs and I hate robots. Now some asshole seems to have created insect robots. Why don’t they just blow up the planet? Robots are pure evil and in case anyone hasn’t noticed movies over the past few decades, they will eventually kill us all. It’s inevitable, especially when you make them small and give them wings. Unfortunately, protesters claim the winged bot demons are here.

They are alive and mechanical. They are “robotic fliers” and they are going to kill you. The insect drones are high-tech surveillance tools that have been seen at political protests in Washington and New York. Although, no agency has claimed the robobugs.

Uh, what? After I finish this article, I’m going to blow my brains out. I figure it will be more pleasant than the coming insect robot revolution. I always pictured fighting for my life in storm drains, using my warning cats (I like cats) to alert me to intrusive robots. But those robots are supposed to be large and take the shape of humans. Sure, there would be the occasional spider shaped robot, crawling around with a video camera, but my cats would quickly destroy them. Flying insect robots obviously fuck up everything. Now a robot just flies into my storm drain, armed with its tiny stinger full of deadly poison. Or worse, a substance that only paralyzes my cats and me. Then the humanoid robots just saunter in, take me back to the lab and attempt to manpregnate me with cyborgs. Totally fucked up.

Some, however, do not believe that the tiny airborne robots exist.

Actually, you’ll know because one will have flown into your ear and taken control of you body. Idiot.

The CIA developed the “insectothopter” in the 70’s. It used a tiny gasoline engine, four wings and looked like a dragonfly. But it was taken out of commission because it couldn’t handle crosswinds. And that was the seventies! Of course they have tiny flying robots now.

Even more disturbing, we have created “cyborg insects.”

Great. Just fucking great. We have cameras everywhere, constantly watching people, but I never thought I would have to be concerned about tiny flying cameras. This brings surveillance to an entirely different level. We here in America tend to value our privacy and I’m pretty sure the Founding Fathers never covered flying insect robots in The Constitution. I don’t think Thomas Jefferson ever looked at James Madison and said,

Hey, what if somebody makes tiny eavesdropping robots to fly above protesters?

Wow, good point, Tommy. We should cover insect robots, as well as bug cyborgs.

Welcome to the invasion of privacy insect robot era. It's not goint to be pretty. I’ve been violated too many times by regular bugs and understand how intrusive they can be. I give it 30 years before we are a slave race working for insect robots.


FearTheReaper does not welcome our new insectobot warlords.

At least we won't be working in salt mines.

You hate robots?! Even Robbie?

....
I got nuthin.
Sorry.

i love robots, but insects are the devil's spawn so it cancels out.

Robots aren't evil, they are just machines, machines do whatever you build them to do. The people building those machines, on the other hand...

Insect robots have been around for a while, hobbyists with less than perfect technical skills have been building them for ages, this sort of technology is not a huge leap for security agencies with hugely bloated budgets.

$100 dart-throwing robo-spider toy

University of Plymouth's article on flapping micro UAVs

SG Editors Against Bug Robot Scourges FOR LIFE!!!!!

I'm so bugging the folks at The Sharper Image to whip me up a counter-surveillance robot frog.

My cats turn into Olympic athletes when they see moths flying around, I think I would be safe in your storm drain scenario.

Was that an intentional pun?

As to the robots, insects in any form are nasty, biological or mechanical.

Yeah, if these things actually did exist, it would be a major jump in technology from what we have now. It's no wonder that not a single specimen was captured by the people claiming these exist.

Even the chips and gyroscopes and accelerometers we have now that would be required to fly one of these weigh more than an insect.

they have invented a cool device to counter the insect robots. you can buy it on ebay.
see below,
null

HA! I love it.


Also, the army has been using those remote controlled mini surveillance helicopters for years. You KNOW if Washington gave those to the grunts that they must be packing something gangsta in their secret arsenal.

"Warning cats" Hah.

You could develop robot spiders to eat the rogue robot insects and then robot birds to eat the rogue robot spiders and then robot cats to eat the rogue robot birds and then a robot dogs to eat the rogue robot cats and then a robot cow (someone ran out of good ideas somewhere along the line) to eat the rogue robot dogs...

... But the old lady is still going to die in the end.

I know a man who used to work in aviation and also robotics that was asked to develop dragon fly style wings for small flying robots. He said it was nearly impossible because dragon flies weigh less than the lightest wing he was able to produce. The dragon fly spy project was capped...

Robots creep the fuck out of me. But if there is some way to imbed chips in ME and make me a cyborg who can kick some serious ass, I'm all for that!

ROFLMAO NEWB ROXXORS BOXXEZ LEET HAX FTW!!!!!! that was so funny, I weed on myself....literally.

...or so he was told.

christ...no wonder that fly exploded into a fiery, tiny armageddon when i swatted it in my kitchen...

i thought i was just like...fuckin' high. good to know it was real. yeah.

This is currently the third article on the front page of the Newswire with a "Worst ____ Ever" headline. I'm off to score some Zoloft; who's with me?

ummm, waterhoses? electromagnetic pulses?

this is going to make bug zappers all that much more interesting to watch!



I just imagined FTR in a horribly stained wife beater, with his 90 cats sitting in his living room with about ten of these plugged in and hanging from the ceiling, only to stop playing Wii and get off the couch to scream "YOU DAMN KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!" out the front door occasionally.

Time to invest in EMP Bug Spray methinks

dang.

Dan brown - facts 4th bullet up from the bottom.


I remember my high school spanish teacher making her classes buy his books and one of them they had these little " spy bugs" in. He supposedly uses actual factual things and technology in his novels. and in the one I read the little flying things had poison on them or something and were crazy super weapons.