NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup

Hard to believe an entire week has passed and another group of asshole fuckfaces has been assembled for your viewing pleasure. These sickening individuals have been chosen for their disturbing actions. This week I only vomited three times while writing the asshole fuckface roundup. So, put on your safety goggles, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, we find some particularly disturbing asshole fuckface behavior in India.

Michael Jackson would love India. They enjoy music and more importantly, some asshole fuckfaces have made skin cream that can turn you white.

Shahrukh Khan (no relation to Kahn from Star Trek) is a big Bollywood celebrity. He is now coming under criticism for appearing in an ad where he gives skin-lightening cream to a guy who is apparently to dark skinned for the ladies.



Isn’t that great? After a few weeks using the cream, you can become whiter and women will finally like you. That is why the cream is called Fair and Handsome. They thought about calling it Shaming and Creepy, but the name did not go over well with focus groups.

Currently, the skin-lightening industry in India is raking in 100 million pounds a year. In recent years, protests against skin lightening creams have been increasing. Actress Rani Moorthy told the BBC how awesome it is to grow up with dark skin in India.

Man, that brings back a lot of memories. Thankfully, the cream is now available in the UK too!

What would an asshole fuckface roundup be without a member of the Bush administration making an appearance?

Condoleezza Rice showed us how truly ignorant she is of American history this week by comparing deceased Iraqi terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi to Generals Ulysses Grant and Robert E. Lee. She is, by the way, our Secretary of State.

Rice was apparently attempt to compare Zarqawi’s “strategic genius” with the civil war generals.

Very true. Especially if you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. Retired Marine General and former CENTCOM chief Joseph Hoar explained what Rice was trying to say.

You mean because the generals fought on a battlefield against opposing troops and Zarqawi hid amongst civilians and set off car bombs? Note to Bush administration: Quit trying to draw parallels, you already look retarded for just starting the war.

Speaking of war, how about being an asshole fuckface and profiting of a devastating terrorist attack?

Abraham Sofaer is a tremendous asshole fuckface, which means he is obligated to support Rudy Giuliani for president. (Rudy’s in the hall of fame) Abe is throwing a fundraising party for Rudy at his house in California that has a spectacular theme: "$9.11 for Rudy."

Isn’t that great? People are expected to donate $9.11 for the candidate, while not vomiting in their vodka glass.

Sofaer claims he did not come up with the idea, that is was actually some “young people.” I am going to assume it was four year olds; otherwise I would have to kill them. But Sofaer is not some idiot who just stumbled across politics.

Seems like the asshole fuckface should have known better.

Giuliani's campaign said they had no knowledge of the fundraiser and that it was an unfortunate choice. Although, it kinda says a lot about the campaign they’re running. Also, Rudy is a 9/11 hero.

And why get off the 9/11 theme when my next asshole fuckface was right in the middle of it?

Tania Head is a member and former president of the nonprofit organization, World Trade Center Survivors’ Network. Tania’s story is one of incredible survival and hope.

She was on the 78th floor of the World Trade Center and was badly burned. Tania was one of only 19 people above the floor that the plane struck to survive. It was a miracle. While she struggled to get out of the building, a man handed her his inscribed wedding ring and asked her to give it to his wife. He died. After Tania got out of the building, she discovered her fiancé had died in the other tower. Double super tragic.

Tania has been traveling the country telling her story to college students and also giving tours at the World Trade Center Visitor Centers.

I bet you saw hope, you asshole fuckface. Hope to finally get some attention and make money. The New York Times wanted to interview Tania about her experience but she kept canceling the interviews. She also would not provide any details to corroborate her incredible tale. So, the Times went looking and found…nothing.

The family of the man she claims was her fiancé has never heard of Tania. The company she worked, Merrill Lynch, has no record of employment. She has never told anyone the name of the man who gave her the wedding ring. And there is no record of her at the hospital where she claims to have been treated.

When the Times asked her why they could not find any records to back her story, she replied:

Thanks for answering a different question. Luckily, you don’t have to do something illegal to be an asshole fuckface!

The board of the Survivors’ Network voted to give Tania the boot this week as president and as a director of the group. Good move. It’s weird to have a crazy liar as your leader for a survivor group.

Congrats to this week's asshole fuckface winners! You each get a FearTheReaper cat bed!

Thatas like a fucked up Mentos commercial

I would think that the $9.11 for Rudy was a joke until some moron latched onto it...sounds like a joke to me...it's gotta be a joke...

...right?

Let's all remember that Grant is on the...1000 dollar bill? Am I right in thinking this?...anyway, I'm sure if the CSA was still around we'd see Lee on their currency, so we should be expecting Al-Zarqawi's face on some...what, Iraqi currency soon (since you know, Iraq is apparently Al-Qaeda's base of operations, or is it Iran, or Maybe it's a Volcanic island off the coast of Costa Rica? I can't keep up with those crazy terrorists anymore. )

That Tania Head stuff is *wacky.* Like, is she crazy or just a jackass? Inquiring minds...

Except in the mentos commercial everyone is already white to begin with...and I imagine that the cream is for topical use only, although you could try it for teeth whitening too I suppose!

I'm just glad to hear that some dark skinned peoples still have enough respect for whitey that they know to feel disdain and despair for their cursed unholy soiled skin that clearly shows that they are little more than hairless monkeys (the "whatever" represents my sarcastic shifty glance, just so you all know I really feel that it's pretty fucked up...YAY DIVERSITY and YAY FOR PEOPLE OF ALL SKIN TYPES)

You think there are little green men on other planets who want to be greener? I hope so...I'd feel a lot less bad for our entire race if I knew other more advanced cultures were also shallow enough to judge people by the pigmentation of their epidermis.

there is a fine line between crazy and jackass...I'm sure she'll have an MTV talk show or a reality show on TBS in a few months and we can all be the judge.

wait wait wait...I just had an awesome idea for a reality show...ten crazy people go and live in a massive mansion with all the amenities and have a weekly on stage competitions judged by professionals and voted on by Americans...we could call it "WHO WANTS A LOBOTOMY!"

of course an awesome idea for a reality show is still just an idea for a reality show which puts it lower than an idea for the best way to fart on the President's dinner.

?

May I submit, dear FTR, that the award be a Cat BOX, not bed??

After living in NYC thru all of Rudy's folly, I think his 9/11 hero status is almost as fraudulent as Tania Head's. He had some lovely calm words for us all that day and the next, but he knew damn well of many of communication coordination problems, & lack of organization of law enforcement, & he knew damn well not to build the security bunker in the towers after the 1993 bombing!!!

Grant is on the $50. Most likely because he was president, not because he was a general.

Also, there's no current denomination of bill larger than $100 (Franklin, the only non-president on a bill), but when the $1000 did exist, it featured a portrait of Grover Cleveland.

Alexander Hamilton who is on the ten dollar bill was never president.

That lightening cream looks like self-tanning lotion - only it probably works like pouring battery acid on your face would work. I wish I could photoshop well enough to put that guy in clown makeup whiteface.

No, no, it's supposed to be Hank William's picture on the $100 bill.

really? i was wondering if i could get some!
then i could look like my hero!

Are you implying that the white man is responsible for colorism? Yes, I personally think it's not neccesary, and that anyone should be happy with what they're given. But it's their (epidermis-lightening practicers) own fault(s) for being submissive to their thoughts of what they feel is better in relation to their own skin - if that is why they're doing it. Or, maybe it's just what they want to do because they like it.

I wish people would figure out that it's weird to have crazy liars running our country, too.

o.k i'd like to explain the Indian 'white' things.

Dark skin being undesirable in India is nothing new. Nothing to do with looking like people but a sign of social standing.

Poor people have tans because they live most of their lives outside, so anybody with darker skin is seen as common and undesirable.

I doesn't make the advert any more palatable, but then what do you expect from the country that brought you the cast system.

Here in the west, having a tan is seen as being healthy, even though the opposite is probably true.

But then we don't like anybody being happy......you're TOO fat, thin, old, you're got grey hair, thin hair, discoloured teeth, cellulite etc.

Are l'oreal advert really any different from the white skin advert above......they're both equally guilty of the exploitation of social snobbery and vanity!!!!

BTW i don't anybody doesn't find Keri utterly gorgeous, with or without a tan.

Man, now that was an Asshole Fuckface Roundup.

Keri, I was referring to xazapdmytinu, not you.

ah, the Fifty...I should have known that since I work in retail and get them at least once a day...shows you how much I actually inspect them eh? Although I do check for blue and red threads and the green ink that turns black when you look at it sideways. but I suppose you could put the face of Groucho Marx on it and I wouldn't even notice!

also why not bash on anyone who has ever wanted their hair to be a different color. Who actually knows the permanence of that skin whitening stuff. although i think its absurd to whiten your skin, i think it should be held in the same regards as dying your hair or wearing make up. why not abolish it all.

Argh. Shah Rukh Khan is awesome, but there's really no excuse for him to be endorsing this sort of product.

One clarification: Rani Moorthy is not Indian; she's a UK-based Malaysian of Sri Lankan Tamil origin. That said, I wholeheartedly agree with the criticism she's making in the quote you included, FTR.